digestate: AHHHHHH 🐧 (52 ▮ woof!)
Denji ([personal profile] digestate) wrote in [community profile] windfall2023-09-23 05:22 pm

what i desire most, what i fear most



we can just treat this as our misc csm cupboard 💕
damngun: (67)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-03 02:43 am (UTC)(link)

[Aki listens to the two of them bicker, muttering his own hello to Power (he never calls her by those names, it was hard enough getting places to even accept Power) before finally hanging up. He sets his phone down and stares at it for a second, thinking.]

[Then finally shakes his head and pushes it away, turning his attention back to the student council paperwork. They'll be fine. He'll make sure he can go home with them tomorrow.]

[When he finally turns in the documents, there's hardly anyone left in the school but a few teachers. Aki heads home, exhausted, letting his head tilt on the train without fully falling asleep, and when he comes into the apartment and it miraculosuly doesn't smell like something burned, he's relieved. Though... There is some weird smell. He's not sure what it is. Kind of a sweet smell...? Nothing is on fire and he actually put soap in the water this time so Aki doesn't question it, tugging off his uniform jacket and dropping it with his bookbag in the bedroom. Power is playing with Meowy on the floor, cooing something or other about world domination and tax hikes. Normal, thankfully.]

[He'll let Denji sleep for a bit. First, dinner, which he heats up on the stove while downing most of the rice. One of the teachers warned him he might not qualify for the weight class to get into Public Safety so he's been trying to eat more. Not easy when Denji eats twice as much as him and still manages to look thinner every day. He sits down with his plate at the table across from him and reaches across to hit him on the head with his spoon.]

Tell me what unit you're on.

damngun: (62)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-03 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)

[When the paper sticks to Denji's face, he can see the problems and make out what he's working on. He mixes his curry together while he resettles and nods at the explanation. He gets it.]

[He's pretty good at getting through to Denji. Explaining things at a level that he can understand. Power wanders out to join them at some point and laugh at Denji's misfortune but she's useful in that they play against one another well. Aki can quiz them both or bet them on who can figure out a solution the fastest. Power isn't a genius (not by any stretch) but she seems to pick up on things once Aki forces her to think instead of barking out the first thing that comes to mind. And while they scribble out solutions he can eat his dinner. It all works out.]

[He only forces it on them for an hour or so until he calls it for the night, sending them off to bathe while he cleans up. Does the dishes, wipes down the table, sticks Denji's books back in his bag... Removes all the trash from said bag and throws away. Spreads the beds out despite Meowy's attempts to lay on one the moment he rolls it out. This apartment is so small, he mentally complains for the thousandth time.]

[He waits for Denji to come out of the bathroom to call him over. Tells him to sit down while he sits across from him. Usually this is a set-up to scold him. But he has a different mission this time.]

I'm planning my trip again, up north. [He's taken them for the past few years. At first because he didn't trust them alone, now just for the company.] But you're old enough now. You should think about making your own trip. Back to your family's grave. We can save up for it - Yours is on the way, too.

damngun: (4)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-03 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)

[Aki didn't expect an easy conversation about this considering how little Denji ever discusses his past - much less his family. All he knows is that his father had a lot of debts. But this reaction... It's not like it's unlike him, but Aki still looks a litle upset at the response.]

Fun stuff? [He repeats it with a clear disdain, frowning across at him.] I'm not talking about doing fun stuff. This isn't a vacation. [Even though Denji and Power treat it like one every year. And more than that - ] And you're not supposed to be eating during a visit, you're supposed to pray.

[...He forces himself to settle back. Every year he tries to keep them from eating all the offerings and every year he fails.]

You're in high school now - You should think about doing this. Seeing your parents' graves. You said your father has one, right? [He vaguely remembers that being mentioned once or twice.] It's important to pay your respects. You could - I don't know, you might feel better afterward.

damngun: (22)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-04 01:42 am (UTC)(link)

[The vein on Aki's forehead pops at the words, his lips drawing thin. It's not the point, he wants to say. To feel better, or to check it off a list. The point is respect. And Denji should be respectful of the people in his life who have died.]

[...But he knows he isn't trying to insult him over this. Denji lays down and Aki sighs quietly. So much for that. He's not trying to be an old coot (despite every adult in his life telling him to stop and smell the roses) but surely Denji understands what he's getting at, right...? And then he has the nerve to bring up that stupid letter. He knew he should have just dumped it in the burnables trash but... Well, it seemed like they put a lot of effort into the confession.]

Denji...

[He shifts onto his knees and moves to lean over him, staring down at him where he's covered up in the blankets. He knows when he's trying to avoid a conversation topic and it always takes a lot of effort not to trip in his pitfalls.]

Things will be easier starting next year. [It's a white lie. He doesn't know if things will be better or worse in Tokyo. If the pay really is that good. If he can even survive long enough to get his first paycheck.] I don't want you to look back and regret not doing something like this. [He pauses, eyes briefly flitting to the bathroom door, but it's still closed. He could actually use her back-up around now.] We'll both be there with you, you know.

damngun: (61)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-05 02:16 am (UTC)(link)

[Aki shifts off of him quickly when Denji lurches up to shove him back, flipping over and snapping that at him. He stares at him in open shock - grateful for the turn of his back so that Denji can't see how embarrassing that must be to see. What the hell just happened? Why did that make him so upset?]

Why not? [Aki is incredulous at the idea. Why would you not want to visit your home again? Pay your respects? Sure, their situations are different, with the way Denji's father died, but... But it can't be that different, can it?]

Look - [He reaches to grab him by the shoulder and attempt to roll him over.] You should care about this stuff. That's your family, you know. You're supposed to pay your respects! You'll be an adult soon, this kind of stuff is what adults do! [That sounds childish, even to his own ears, but he hopes he'll think it makes it sound more important.] If you think it's scary, that's why us two will be there with you!

damngun: (43)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-05 04:47 am (UTC)(link)

[He very nearly nails Aki in the crotch but by this point Aki is used to his aim. He squishes his legs together as he feels him start to kick and pulls away before he can do more damage, opening his mouth to rebut all his stupid insults before he continues.]

[He knows he's upset, just venting at Aki and saying things he must not believe. But the wording hurts way too much. He still remembers the last time he found Denji curled over hacking up large globs of blood onto the bathroom floor. Sure, it hasn't happened since then (that he knows of), but it scared the shit out of him. And sure, he's stick thin and one of the school nurses suggested he might have a sort of anemia because of how he got so dizzy one day, but - But it's not that serious, he quickly tells himself. Denji doesn't mean that. He's just being stupid. Trying to rebut anything Aki says to refuse this. Maybe he really is scared to go back there, to open that wound again. Maybe he doesn't want to go on the trip at all this year. Maybe he's still upset about what Aki said this afternoon about leaving him here while he and Power went to Tokyo.]

[But his chest hurts. Because he keeps thinking of his real brother. The one who should have gotten to be an adult, and his own actions that prevented that.]

Fine.

[He stands up and heads for the door. He'll wait for Power to finish her bath. He doesn't need Denji to see how red is face is right now. Let him throw a tantrum. See if he cares.]

damngun: (10)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-05 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)

[Their discussion seems to last just long enough for Aki to clean up and wash off, pulling his pajamas on as he dries his hair with the door open. He hears the commotion and assumes they're tussling and is privately glad that it means Denji might be snapping out of whatever it is that got him so upset, but instead the door opens and he sees Power shove him out into the hallway across from the bathroom. He stares at him from the doorway, towel still over his head, and slowly pulls it off.]

What? [Then, residual annoyance creeping in, he makes a guess.] She can't kick us out again, don't let her say there are boy-cooties on you. [The amount of times she's tried to keep the bedroom area to herself and Meowy is uncountable. Aki actually threatened to take her to the library to prove there's no such thing as cooties because the debates were so grating.]

damngun: (16)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-06 12:11 am (UTC)(link)

[Great. He's not going to try and guess the secret word. Aki watches Denji pass him into the kitchen and go into the fridge and...]

Don't drink that. You need to go to bed. [A sugary drink before bed is definitely not good for him. Aki steps out of the bathroom to stand in the path to the kitchen, watching him. Still silently annoyed. Why is he pretending like nothing happened ten minutes ago?]

Have you calmed down now? [He's never been someone who can just sit on a topic where he feels he's in the right. Denji should apologize to him, so he stares at him expectantly.]

damngun: (43)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-06 01:20 am (UTC)(link)

[Again he's so flippant about this stuff. Aki visibly tenses at Denji's wording and doesn't move an inch from his spot in the hallway.]

I'm the one being annoying? [He takes a step forward, reaching out to snatch the soda from his hand.] You're being childish. Throwing a tantrum because I suggest you visit a grave - Saying you'll never be an adult...

[He could pretend Denji just meant it in the subconscious way, that he'll never grow up. To imagine Denji as an adult is hard enough, but to think he'd be a Peter Pan about it would be more comforting than the alternative. But it's hard to pretend that was what he meant when he keeps saying things like this, like he doesn't know every time how much it rankles at Aki.]

Do you want me to leave you here in daycare while Power and I go on the trip? Is that what you'd prefer, if you're going to insist on remaining a child?

damngun: (61)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-06 02:59 am (UTC)(link)

[He wants to snap at him for making a mess, call him a child again because he knows it's getting to him, but Aki stops when he hears that gravel in his voice. He stares down at him as he scrubs at the soda, the carbonation fizzled out and just a puddle of brown now. He doesn't know, he's right. But what does it matter? His point still stands.]

What do you mean, door? [He doesn't move to approach, standing his ground where he is in the hallway.] I want you to start thinking about these things. You're too old to brush them under the rug. It's time to start thinking about your future. [He takes in a brief breath of annoyance, something else coming to mind.] I heard what junk you put on your career planning form. Do you really think life is so easy that you can lay back and just dream about girls all day and night instead of anything that matters? [Maybe he should let off, but he's already speeding and if he's going to get pulled over, what's an extra few miles over the limit?] I need you to care about this stuff. For people like us - All we have is one another, and I can't take care of you forever.

damngun: (43)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-06 04:32 am (UTC)(link)

[It's a stronger response than one he's gotten from Denji in... years, Aki thinks. The rag snaps him in the face and he moves out of the way in shock, wiping it away just in time to see him rush out the door. He starts to call after him, his voice pitching with anger and frustration, but he stops. Stares after him for a moment, forcing himself to stay in place.]

[Fine, he thinks. Let him run. Let him run off and go cry behind a dumpster. See if he cares. If he's going to act childish then Aki will be an adult about this. He takes the rag into the sink and wrings it out, dropping it over the edge of it and staring down into the basin. He shouldn't care. He never said anything wrong. He wants Denji to do the things he was grateful he had done earlier. The moment he was able to return home to do a grave visit, he did. It didn't matter that he had to save up for two extra tickers, it was worth it. And it would be worth it for Denji, too. So what if he didn't have a close relationship with his family, if that's the case? They're still family. He should respect them. If Denji died - ]

[Aki grips the basin tightly. His teeth clenched together behind lips pulled thin. He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the thought to leave his head, but it's always there. It's never not there. If Denji died, if Power died. He's always scared of that. He thinks about how the last thing he said to his parents was an annoyed snap. How he called his brother stupid rather than his name when he came running after him. If this was the last time he saw Denji, how could he go on if the last words he heard him say were that he hoped he wouldn't visit his grave?]

[He bangs on the bedroom door until Power unlocks it so he can tell her to stay inside and not to let anyone in, but to keep the door unlocked. She offers to come with but Aki tells her to stay - if Denji comes back, somoene should be here. She starts to argue but he's already pulling his shoes on and hurrying outside, repeating for her to stay put even as she insists she can smell him from a mile away and wouldn't he like to use her ultra-sensitive wonderful nose? Aki doesn't respond and just rushes outside, pushing the door shut behind himself. If he's not immediately visible, he starts to hurry through the streets, calling his name loudly into the night.]

[Devils aren't nocturnal things. They could be out no matter what time it is. But it doesn't matter. The pounding fear that Denji will run right into the maws of one keeps him yelling his name until his throat aches.]

damngun: (27)

[personal profile] damngun 2023-10-06 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)

[He doesn't know why he comes to the playground, just that it seems like somewhere a kid would go when running away. He's seen it in movies and anime, children hiding in the slide tunnel or under the cover of the raised paths. He remembers going here with Denji and Power some years ago, thinking this felt normal, felt good. It wasn't long after he had gotten approved for school housing with them so it felt especially grown up to be able to take them to somewhere in their new neighborhood. Somewhere nice and safe and friendly. Then, he was passing by the ladybug patterned dome and spotted a child crouched there, dirty and skinny and dead in the eyes. Not the first nor the last kid he had seen like that, but in that moment it struck him. He took the two of them home and insisted on making something big for how much energy they let out. Secretly, selfishly, telling himself they'd never turn out like that kid.]

[So maybe that's why he goes to the playground, and maybe that's why he passes the swings and goes toward the ladybug. Power liked that spot more, liked the red color and the spots, but when he gets close and hears a snapping sound Aki freezes up, immediately thaws as he backs away. He knows where all the police call boxes are in the area (because of course he does) but the nearest one is at the entry to the playground. Too far to get to if something is chasing him. He starts to creep towards the call box in the hopes whatever it is won't hear him but when he moves toward the swings he sees a flash of what looks like blond. When he does a double take, he's sure that's exactly what it is.]

[There's no time to second guess that and there's no time to wait for a devil hunter. Aki has been preparing for this his entire life, he tells himself as fear ripples through him. This is what he's going to do. Save people. Protect the family he does have. Pulling up to his full height, he marches forward with nothing but his body to defend himself and yells out with equal parts rage and fear in his voice.] Hey! Devil!

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