digestate: AHHHHHH 🐧 (52 ▮ woof!)
Denji ([personal profile] digestate) wrote in [community profile] windfall2023-09-23 05:22 pm

what i desire most, what i fear most



we can just treat this as our misc csm cupboard 💕
damngun: (68)

[personal profile] damngun 2024-12-23 03:53 am (UTC)(link)

[Of course it's enough for him, Aki hears himself say, but the words never leave his lips. He doesn't want anything but that. He wants Denji and Power to live full lives, healthy and happy, doing what they want. It's a selfish desire because, to Aki, such a future isn't possible without the destruction of the Gun Devil. And that future can't happen without him going to Public Safety. And the best chance of getting there, of getting a shot at the Gun, is to go to Tokyo.]

[Like everything in his life, it all comes back to one devil.]

[Denji curls himself around his arm and settles against his shoulder and Aki sits still so he can, even tilts his head to the side until he's comfortable. He doesn't have it in him after everything that happened today to shut him down, but the promise to help him learn CPR gets a short, amused sound out of him. He raises his free hand to set on his head, carefully and gently straightening out his wet hair.]

I'll hold you to that, you know. You'd have to let me kiss you.

[Teasing, lighthearted. He won't tell him there's no chance he'll take him anywhere near that sort of world after today. That he would have been happier if someone else had died if it meant Denji hadn't been hurt. Yeah, if it had been like last time... Like last time, when that devil had killed that other student. Would he throw someone in the line of fire to protect one person? For Denji, yeah. For Power, yeah. And that's not right, he knows. He knows it's selfish and cruel, to weigh one life against another and instantly make a judgment. So he says nothing of it and simply keeps them out of the situation.]

You can sleep with me tonight, if you want. [There's a brief pause.] I won't get mad at you this time. [So long as you don't tell me I'm like your mom, he doesn't say.]

damngun: (87)

[personal profile] damngun 2024-12-27 01:47 am (UTC)(link)

[Aki notices it, even if he doesn't want to. Denji sounds weak. He sounds like he does after these episodes, and Aki has learned not to outright comment on it. He knows he'll get defensive or disagree or complain that Aki's being too pushy, too paranoid. That he's fine. He leans back on his knees to call out to Power, tell her it's time for bed. She shouts back that she'll be there soon, once whatever dark bidding she's doing has been accomplished. When he turns back and sees all three beds laid out, he's a little surprised - but when Denji says one is for the devil dog, he doesn't question it or comment.]

Put on some socks, so your feet stay warm. [Even with the chilly weather, he's still in a tee and long sweats. He has a feeling Denji is going to shove his hands under his shirt at some point in complaint about being cold... Well, it's worth it, if he can keep him close tonight. Monitor his breathing and wake up quickly if anything goes wrong.]

[When he pulls back the covers, he reaches out to find Denji's pillow to tug closer before patting the bedding for him to come in. The light, left on its dimmest setting so Power can still find her way in, casts an eerie glow in the room, more orange than yellow, dark corners darker than usual. He sets his head down and thinks aloud:]

In Tokyo, we can probably get full beds, off the floor and everything. It'll be warmer, and easier to clean... [Then trails off, the image cementing itself easily beside the many others he's voiced about their near future. Certain and detailed. It's calming, in a way.]

damngun: (15)

[personal profile] damngun 2024-12-27 08:38 pm (UTC)(link)

[The joke about kissing was just that - a joke, jumping off Denji's misunderstanding around CPR. It didn't faze him and didn't mean anything to Aki. So when Denji mentions sharing beds in Tokyo - a place that's always meant "adulthood" in Aki's mind - he looks surprised, tilting his head to look down at him, see if he's kidding. But no, he even goes on, comments on Aki being out later. Keeping the bed warm for him.]

No, that's...

[He sets his head down, feeling his face grow warm. What had they talked about before...? Right before Aki got mad at him. He promised he'd always come home at night - that part. And then he'd been surprised that Aki was thinking about eventually having sex. But, does that connection not even occur to Denji? Probably not... Probably, given their relationship, he'd never even think of it as anything but platonic. But how would he explain it if that ever got out to someone else?]

[He can see it now. Trying to rise the ranks of Public Safety, talking to his future boss when, all of a sudden, Denji calls to ask him something inane and meaningless, and finishing off with, "'Kay, see you tonight! I'll keep you side of the bed warm!"]

[His face feels way too warm. Aki huffs out a breath and turns into Denji's hair. Almost nullifying the meaning of what he says next by essentially squeezing in closer.]

You'll have to grow out of it, eventually...

damngun: (64)

[personal profile] damngun 2024-12-28 03:10 am (UTC)(link)

[That definitely wasn't a joke but Aki doesn't point that out. He doesn't comment on the idea of him bringing anyone home - honestly, he's never thought about it. They've have friends over, once or twice, and that wasn't anything special. But a... girlfriend?]

[He doesn't know how to respond to the question for a moment. There are a lot of ways he could tell Denji to become an adult. Make his own decisions, for one, but they have to be grounded in common sense, not Denji-sense. Go grocery shopping on his own without a list and don't come home with extraneous items. Those kinds of things. He's good at enough things like waking up on time, eating a full meal, and keeping himself clean, but...]

You just... need to make smarter choices.

[With his position, he can see Pochita over Denji's head, curled in a little ball but still with that ever-present chainsaw sticking out of his head. He wouldn't put today's episode in that pile of bad choices, no, but he does wonder how things could have changed if he'd simply gone back to the beach with him. Ugh, it's not a useful thought process and he's cried enough today. He reaches over Denji's body to grab the edge of the comforter and pull it in closer, wrap them both up tighter. Power is still in the common room, he can hear, but he's not keen on waiting up for her. He drapes his arm over Denji's side and presses his hand on the small of his back, searching for the sensation of his breathing. Denji has scooted away from him a little but the touch, purposeful or not, attempts to draw him back in close.]

And you will. Once you get more experience and stuff. I'm sure.

[He's like... half sure.]

damngun: (16)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-07 12:15 am (UTC)(link)

[The job he'd said before...]

[It comes back to him after a slow moment, the logging job he'd mentioned. How he'd thought that Denji could use Pochita for that - But now, after today, the entire concept is crazy to him. There's no way he'd let Denji go and do a job that dangerous, that strenuous. Even if he's just sawing logs into strips and not felling any trees, he has no desire to let him get into any kind of trouble. Definitely not after today.]

[But the memory of their last conversation when they were like this is still a little fresh. How their argument had begun, how their arguments tend to begin nowadays. Talk about the future, about what they expect of one another. His nose twitches when a stray strand of hair falls between his eyes as he tries to keep a neutral expression. He doesn't want this to get either of them riled up.]

Who knows... We're still on vacation, you know. ["Vacation" while Public Safety tries to locate a devil running amok, sure, but it's a vacation nonetheless.] Tomorrow I'm going to get some sweet potatoes to roast. You can help with the barbecue again.

[Distract him with something fun, yeah. Denji and Power can stoke the coals and wrap the potatoes in foil and Aki can watch them, mindful of any stray fingers getting too close to the grill. He closes his eyes but doesn't bat his hand away. If anything, the idea of tomorrow isn't solely an image to distract Denji, alone.]

damngun: (7)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-08 02:50 am (UTC)(link)

[Even though a warning before he does stuff like this would be nice, Aki only groans lightly, unseriously, as Denji burrows his way beneath his shirt and pops his head out through his collar, the blond locks tickling his nose and making him tilt his head back. He doesn't push him off or do anything to make it seem like he dislikes this, but he puts up enough of a show of being annoyed, like he's simply allowing it to happen, like whenever Denji rubs himself all over his front or wraps himself under his coat. Things they both should have grown out of long ago but still haven't. Well - What else is new?]

The girl who... [He remembers her after a moment, having to dig back for who else was there that day.] Oh, her... I guess so. Ah, Denji, your fingers are cold. [He shivers once, turning his shoulder a little further away to give him more room.] Yeah, we can invite them... I'll send out some messages tomorrow morning. You can invite whoever, too.

[Not that he expects him to. Denji's always been an unusual sort with friendship. Clingy once he gets close enough, but slow to build that connection. Pair that with his outlandish behavior and that he looks and acts like a troublemaker, most kids stay away from him, until Aki comes around. He raises a hand to pat his head over his shirt.]

If your chest hurts, or it's hard to breathe... [He trails off, closing his eyes. He doesn't want an argument now, so he settles on,] Just make sure you're comfy.

damngun: (7)

1/2

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-13 03:13 am (UTC)(link)

[He's tired. He hasn't really had a moment to relax at all today - not on the train, not at the beach, not on the way home. Laying like this with Denji right against him, his breaths fogging on his skin, the constant reminder that he's okay... It's coaxing him to let his guard down, relax into this moment and take it for what it is: a relief. But he's never been good at letting sleeping dogs lie. Even as he closes his eyes and settles into his pillow, he's never really fully asleep until the two of them are.]

[So it doesn't startle him when he apologizes, his voice sleepy and a mumble. He can hear Power turning the lights off in the other room, gathering Meowy to finally come to bed. Lightly, he pushes his head against Denji's, just a little bump of one noggin against the other.]

Always gonna worry... That's my job.

[He hears Power creep into the room, crawling into her bed as Meowy climbs over them, sniffs and takes in the scents of the three of them before, naturally, curling up in Power's cocoon. It's exactly how it should be, he thinks, everyone right where they should be - even if Denji is in his bed, hiding up his shirt. Even if there's a devil sleeping in his bed. No matter what... No matter what, he reminds himself, he'll always be worrying about them. So it's fine if he continues to tonight, too.]

damngun: (82)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-13 03:15 am (UTC)(link)

Hayakawa family roasting sweet potatoes
We're going to have a grill and hot stones set up
Come by if you like this afternoon
Please bring your own newspaper if you can

[That's the mass text that goes aound the next morning, with input from both Denji and Power on who to include and the grocery shopping list. Since they ended up not eating out while on their trip, they have plenty of cash to stock up on vegetables and Aki can roast them and use whatever leftovers they end up with into a white curry. He's been thinking about it since last night since it seemed like a simple, safe activity to do in light of the disaster that was that beach trip. Plus, they seriously need to stock up on some food. The zombie devil incident has made shopping for groceries harder to do in the early evening when Aki tends to go to get all the sales.]

[He tugs the apartment's grill into position on the front walkway and begins digging through the storage for coal and any stones leftover from when the neighbors did this before. He sent Denji and Power out with just enough cash to get a good variety of things, reminding them to only get things that will roast well: potatoes, carrots, eggplant, leeks... At the end of the day, whatever they don't eat will just become dinner later, he reminds them, so make sure to think about your future. That's to keep them from coming back with a thousand potatoes again and then crying about being sick of potatoes two days later.]

[It's chilly, for the season. It's still a few weeks to winter but he's already tugging his jacket back on once the exertion from moving all the equipment is no longer enough to keep him warm. Fanning the flames gently as they warm the coals, a pair of other boys show up eventually, waving small bags of things to roast and asking how the beach trip went. Aki lies and says it was a bore.]

[A few minutes go by as they catch up and Aki sees a few other kids: namely, the student council treasurer and the girl Denji took a liking to among them. She's not carrying anything to roast, which Aki finds a little odd, but doesn't question. Just greets her like the others and mentions there's a vending machine down the block if anyone wants something other than green tea.]

damngun: (59)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-21 05:22 am (UTC)(link)

[When Denji returns, Aki is squatted in front of the coals, gently fanning them to stoke the fire. Two of the boys he played soccer with are seated near him as they chat quietly - about the one who got killed. How strange it all was, that they saw him just that day and the next minute he was gone. How they should have walked with him, shouldn't they have? That's what Public Safety was saying, right? But Aki reminds them that it was still the middle of the day when he left, that none of them were thinking about that. They can't blame themselves. "None of us could have fought off a devil," one of them mutters in addition, then looks at Aki with a perk in his brow. Not quite doubtful, but a little wary. "You're really going to join Public Safety?" he asks.]

[Aki opens his mouth to answer, but the sight of Denji coming through the gate with Power catches his eye before he can say anything. He realizes, maybe stupidly, that his heart had been racing during that discussion, thinking about Denji and Power by themselves. Devils don't care if it's morning or evening, after all. He shakes his head and pokes at one of the bundled sweet potatoes, coaxing it closer to the coals as he watches Denji drop the produce on the table. From habit, he assumes he's going to make his way over.]

Let's drop the topic, okay? [And just as he thought, here he comes, wiping at his nose as one of the other boys pulls out his phone, looking away. The other watches the two of them, amused by Denji's obvious intent in coming over as he starts asking after the girl.]

["You got a crush, Mini Hayakawa?" he teases, and Aki rolls his eyes. That girl can't possibly be Denji's type, he wants to argue, but... Suddenly, an idea comes to him and he pushes himself to his feet. He smells smoky and like a tuber but that's fine - He didn't get the food that girl brought anyway, and surely she brought something, so now's a good time to ask if she wants to cook it now or later. Even more importantly, however, is the idea of Denji making a friend who isn't five times his age.]

C'mon. [He reaches down to snag Denji by the wrist, heading over to the girl where she stands off to the side, rubbing her hands together and re-knotting her scarf around her neck. She looks up when she realizes Aki is coming towards her, a flush heating her face beneath her glasses and causing the bottom half of her bifocals to cloud up. He stops just a step or two away, tugging Denji right beside him.]

Komine - Did you bring anything? [He asks as he sees she truly doesn't have a bag, isn't carrying anything that could be large enough to hold even a potato. All she has is a small pochette around her shoulder which she switches to fiddling with the strap of. She shakes her head, looking down at the ground with a frown. "I didn't want to take up any extra time to cook my things," she explains, and Aki wants to point out that it's a roasting party, that multiple things can be cooked at once... But decides it's not really worth it. He sets a hand on Denji's shoulder instead, patting it once.] That's fine. He'll give you something from our stuff. This is my brother, Denji - [But she interrupts almost immediately with, "I know." Again Aki pauses. Wonders where she'd know of him, then decides she must have heard about him from the treasurer.] Well, let me know if you need anything.

[And then he turns and heads back to the fire, the boy from before watching with a wide grin of amusement. Aki only shrugs at him as he squats back down, then picks the fan up to continue stoking the flames.]

damngun: (4)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-01-29 05:38 am (UTC)(link)

[It's so obvious he's watching them that one of the other boys points it out. "You're staring, dude," they say, and Aki tears his eyes away from Denji and the girl standing near the produce. He prods at one of the eggplants and tells himself there's no actual reason to his annoyance. That, if Denji is going to make friends with someone, she's not exactly the worst choice. She's just a weirdo. Always quiet and has her head down. Draws or something, he thinks - Honestly, he doesn't really pay her any attention ever. She's not his type, after all. Or Denji's.]

["You're staring," the boy repeats, and Aki lowers his gaze again. Annoyed. "Whatever. Hey, let's go get something from the vending machine." The two of them head off as Aki is left to sulk by the fire, but no sooner are they gone when a new pair of shadows hover over him.]

Oh... Yeah. [Aki nods, reaching over to grab some of the newspaper to hand to them both.] Here, wrap them up. You remember how, right? Make sure you make it all equal, don't ball it up or anything, or it won't cook as well. Komine, you -

["I know how," she mutters, taking some of the newspaper as she squats down to begin wrapping her vegetables. Aki doesn't respond outright, mostly because he's more focused on Denji. If she knows how, then she doesn't need help. So he's good to just ignore her. Since she's kind of a weirdo, anyway. What was she even talking to Denji about? She's so quiet all the time that he can't imagine her being much for conversation...]

I'll put them on the coals, let me take them. [He reaches out toward Denji once his items are wrapped, but he frowns when he feels his hands during the trade-off.] ...You're too cold. Go inside and get a scarf or something.

damngun: (90)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-02-03 03:49 am (UTC)(link)

["You can have mine."]

[The interruption comes just as Denji is mouthing his (to Aki) unreadable order, from Komine's spot squatted on the ground. Handing off one of the rolled up vegetables to Aki, she uses her freed hands to unravel the scarf around her neck and offers that out to Denji in turn. It's not one of their school uniform scarfs, rather a purple one with little pom poms on each end. Aki's brows crease.]

It's just upstairs. You don't need to -- ["It's fine," she interrupts, her head ducked back down as she holds out the scarf, a few inches away from the barbecue pit. "I want him to have it."]

[Aki could think to see a red flag in this, how she only just met him and already wants to give him something like this, but instead he feels a wash of annoyance pass over him. How Denji is going to be talking about this scarf for the next six weeks and asking Aki to recite exactly what she said to him when she offered it out and probably recounting the smell of her shampoo in the fabric... He makes a noncommittal sort of noise and turns his attention away, setting the poorly-covered eggplant against the coals.]

damngun: (90)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-02-13 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)

[Aki watches the exchange with a growing annoyance pricking his brow.]

[From the way Denji's fingers wrap around the fabric, how he palms the pompoms and bounces them in his hands, to the way he shoves his whole face into the depths of it... That's one thing. But it's Komine, herself, who Aki doesn't trust. If this is some kind of bullying thing, or what kind of meaning this would have, otherwise. Girls don't just give stuff like this to boys. Aki would know. He learned that early on, that anything given is a desire for something in return. And Denji - Denji's just too stupid to recognize it. That, even if he doesn't give two shits about her, even if he's just caught up in the feeling of a girl paying attention to him, that it comes with a cost.]

[He sighs when Denji slips away from her and toward him, instead, loud enough to be heard far above his whispering. Feel what? he could monotone in response, annoyance in his tone, a warning like a monkey baring its teeth. But he only prods at some of the rolled-up vegetables with a stick, doing his best to show him the truth: that it shouldn't be a big deal. That the bigger of a deal he makes it out to be, the worse his eventual fall is going to hurt.]

[He never really liked Komine, he realizes. Doesn't like how she clings to the treasurer and follows her around sometimes, not catching the hint that she wasn't welcome in official meetings. Doesn't like the way she avoids looking at Aki directly, how she frowns if he mentions Public Safety or his goal after graduation. Hell, she never even talks about herself that much, just silently judges everyone else.]

[...He's being petty, he notes, but doesn't let himself see the sickly and sticky jealousy coating that feeling.]

Keep your jacket buttoned up. I don't want to hear you sneezing tonight.

damngun: (11)

[personal profile] damngun 2025-03-18 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)

[It's not hard to get into a snippy argument like this with Denji over something stupid, and Aki even opens his mouth to tell him that this isn't the kind of smoke that rots your bones and gives you cancer or whatever, it's a totally different kind of smoke, but then Komine speaks up and, whether intentional or not, knocks the wind out of his sails and the words with it.]

[He's not actually mad at Denji. He didn't do anything, after all. So there's no actual reason to be annoyed with him or upset or whatever - so he tells himself, poking at one of the newspaper-wrapped potatoes and watching the steam gush out from the hole. He's still not fond of Denji getting close with someone kind of off-kilter like Komine, still thinks she isn't quite the best influence on him, but...]

[But then he thinks back to a couple days ago and how she had spoken about the guy who had died, that her seat wasn't far from him. That, maybe, she's lonely and wants someone to talk to who isn't so awkward around her, or considering her feelings so seriously. Someone who isn't going to treat her differently and, in fact, has his own reasons for people to treat him with kid gloves, as well. Maybe that's why she's decided to talk to him today, Aki thinks. Maybe she's suffering just like the rest of them.]

[So Aki doesn't respond with any more snark or cold words, simply scoops up a few of the vegetables that have the tell-tale Denji wrapping and flips them over to set the less-hot side in his palms.]

Here. Go on and eat, and tell Power to come get something, too.

[And then he waits for Denji to head off, for him to move over to the larger group, at the small picnic table set up in front of the complex. He tests Komine's next, but the thicker root vegetables take an extra minute or so, and she doesn't seem keen on moving just yet, so he speaks up.]

He had a rough day yesterday, so - I mean, I'm sure he appreciates getting his mind off things.

[She doesn't say anything in response and Aki thinks maybe she didn't hear him, or maybe she's ignoring him, but a couple minutes later when he mentions her things should be ready she puts her gloved hands out for him, her eyes fogged by the smoke and heat covering her glasses.]

["Thanks for setting this up," she says as he places them carefully into her hands. "It's nice to see everyone." Aki nods as she gets up and heads over to Denji, figuring that's about as normal as the conversations he has with her tend to be.]

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-04-17 03:15 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-05 03:41 (UTC) - Expand

3/3

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-06 00:32 (UTC) - Expand

1/2

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-12 03:24 (UTC) - Expand

2/2

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-12 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-13 00:02 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-13 01:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-13 02:42 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-13 02:59 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-18 16:56 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-20 04:56 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-26 00:39 (UTC) - Expand

1/3

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-28 23:58 (UTC) - Expand

2/3

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-28 23:58 (UTC) - Expand

3/3

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-28 23:59 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-29 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-05-29 03:50 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-05-29 04:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-06-01 03:48 (UTC) - Expand

1/3

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-07-06 03:20 (UTC) - Expand

3/3

[personal profile] cradled - 2025-07-06 04:05 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] damngun - 2025-07-10 01:47 (UTC) - Expand