[Of course it's enough for him, Aki hears himself say, but the words never leave his lips. He doesn't want anything but that. He wants Denji and Power to live full lives, healthy and happy, doing what they want. It's a selfish desire because, to Aki, such a future isn't possible without the destruction of the Gun Devil. And that future can't happen without him going to Public Safety. And the best chance of getting there, of getting a shot at the Gun, is to go to Tokyo.]
[Like everything in his life, it all comes back to one devil.]
[Denji curls himself around his arm and settles against his shoulder and Aki sits still so he can, even tilts his head to the side until he's comfortable. He doesn't have it in him after everything that happened today to shut him down, but the promise to help him learn CPR gets a short, amused sound out of him. He raises his free hand to set on his head, carefully and gently straightening out his wet hair.]
I'll hold you to that, you know. You'd have to let me kiss you.
[Teasing, lighthearted. He won't tell him there's no chance he'll take him anywhere near that sort of world after today. That he would have been happier if someone else had died if it meant Denji hadn't been hurt. Yeah, if it had been like last time... Like last time, when that devil had killed that other student. Would he throw someone in the line of fire to protect one person? For Denji, yeah. For Power, yeah. And that's not right, he knows. He knows it's selfish and cruel, to weigh one life against another and instantly make a judgment. So he says nothing of it and simply keeps them out of the situation.]
You can sleep with me tonight, if you want. [There's a brief pause.] I won't get mad at you this time. [So long as you don't tell me I'm like your mom, he doesn't say.]
[ Kissing Aki — that's a thought he never foresaw he'd have to consider. But it's not one he confronts with any true revulsion. He should, maybe, knowing their relationship, what he means to him, that he's another boy his age, but he doesn't. It doesn't feel strange to imagine, like he could do it right now if the need called for it, right as they are, with his head nuzzled into his shoulder. All Denji would have to do is lift his chin, inch forward, and brace for impact. ]
Don't kick me out this time…
[ His nose turns in for one fast moment — it's hard to say if he's trying to scrub the image from behind his eyelids, or if he's just trying to find a way into Aki's skin, wedging himself underneath. Could be that he's caught between both compulsions. Sighing, he reluctantly pushes apart from his brother, hands rubbing at his sides. His fingers sure are cold. Is the heat really on? ]
I'll help rollin' the beds out.
[ He probably shouldn't be helping with anything, but he shoves aside that niggling feeling, sliding the closet wide open. Remembering that they would have been spending their night at a ryokan, had circumstances not soured, he sighs again while pulling one bedroll out, the sound stringing out of him long and uneven. Denji avoids exerting too much of his energy by simply scooting each futon out from the shelf where they're stored, letting them flop at his feet, making sure to shift back in time. With a bit of pulling and maneuvering, the beds are all wind up set in a row. ]
Pochita can have the third one all to himself tonight, [ Denji says, glancing Aki's way. More or less an excuse to search for his approval of his handiwork. ]
[Aki notices it, even if he doesn't want to. Denji sounds weak. He sounds like he does after these episodes, and Aki has learned not to outright comment on it. He knows he'll get defensive or disagree or complain that Aki's being too pushy, too paranoid. That he's fine. He leans back on his knees to call out to Power, tell her it's time for bed. She shouts back that she'll be there soon, once whatever dark bidding she's doing has been accomplished. When he turns back and sees all three beds laid out, he's a little surprised - but when Denji says one is for the devil dog, he doesn't question it or comment.]
Put on some socks, so your feet stay warm. [Even with the chilly weather, he's still in a tee and long sweats. He has a feeling Denji is going to shove his hands under his shirt at some point in complaint about being cold... Well, it's worth it, if he can keep him close tonight. Monitor his breathing and wake up quickly if anything goes wrong.]
[When he pulls back the covers, he reaches out to find Denji's pillow to tug closer before patting the bedding for him to come in. The light, left on its dimmest setting so Power can still find her way in, casts an eerie glow in the room, more orange than yellow, dark corners darker than usual. He sets his head down and thinks aloud:]
In Tokyo, we can probably get full beds, off the floor and everything. It'll be warmer, and easier to clean... [Then trails off, the image cementing itself easily beside the many others he's voiced about their near future. Certain and detailed. It's calming, in a way.]
[ Aki's reminder reaches Denji right as he's settling into bed, causing him to pause, slide a tired look his way, before then lumbering back up and toward their dresser. He returns with balled up socks in hand, butt unceremoniously landing on the edge of the futon with a puff of the sheets as he slips them on. The future — their dreams for it, distant and not — always has a way of stealing into their conversations at this time of night. He doesn't always enjoy hearing Aki pine for it the way he does, like it's a star so luminous, he'd happily walk straight into its supernova without hardly a second thought for whether it's safe to.
Tonight, it's fine. Of course, he'd rather hear the contentedness in Aki's voice over his watery gasps, his strangled sobbing. His misery.
Shadow looming over the bulk of the room for a moment, Denji walks on his knees to get to the open plot of space Aki presents to him. He stretches his arm high above his head, yawning — somehow, just that small effort stains his sight with bleary dots. It was the same when he was moving around the beds, but it's easy enough to blink away, so he does. ]
Can we still share beds in Tokyo? [ His hands tuck under the back of his head, neck rolling so he can try to make out Aki's expression in the dimmed room. ] I get you'll be out hittin' the town at night more often, but I can keep your bed warm for when ya get back.
[The joke about kissing was just that - a joke, jumping off Denji's misunderstanding around CPR. It didn't faze him and didn't mean anything to Aki. So when Denji mentions sharing beds in Tokyo - a place that's always meant "adulthood" in Aki's mind - he looks surprised, tilting his head to look down at him, see if he's kidding. But no, he even goes on, comments on Aki being out later. Keeping the bed warm for him.]
No, that's...
[He sets his head down, feeling his face grow warm. What had they talked about before...? Right before Aki got mad at him. He promised he'd always come home at night - that part. And then he'd been surprised that Aki was thinking about eventually having sex. But, does that connection not even occur to Denji? Probably not... Probably, given their relationship, he'd never even think of it as anything but platonic. But how would he explain it if that ever got out to someone else?]
[He can see it now. Trying to rise the ranks of Public Safety, talking to his future boss when, all of a sudden, Denji calls to ask him something inane and meaningless, and finishing off with, "'Kay, see you tonight! I'll keep you side of the bed warm!"]
[His face feels way too warm. Aki huffs out a breath and turns into Denji's hair. Almost nullifying the meaning of what he says next by essentially squeezing in closer.]
[ Virtually no separation between their limbs, warmth fans out from Aki's body, every blow from his nostrils tickling some part of his skin, the insistent licks of a flame. Like this, he's all the more aware of how cold his own arms and legs are in contrast, the goosebumps spreading all over him, up and down — it makes him want to nudge the icicle tip of his nose into Aki's cheek, express just how glacially he wants to keep him there, this young, frozen in ice. He wants to coil around Aki, put his hands under the narrow valley of his back, over his stomach, feel the heat of the moving organs beneath, but he — swallows. Can't let himself. Because their brothers, because Power could walk in any second and jump in, because he needs to — grow up. His arms stuff down the covers, hugging around his own torso. ]
…Was just a joke. [ Denji leans slightly away from him, focusing on their closed window blinds. The vague silhouettes of their neighbors returning to their apartment, soft laughter coming from outside. ] I wouldn't do that if you brought someone home… I'd be good.
[ He can imagine it: One night, watching a girl arrange her shoes next to Aki's in the entryway. Pretty, nice smile, dimples. The type to leave a good impression, no matter who she's meeting. She'd already have their names memorized, know to add a 'great and mighty' before Power's name. She'd come with personalized gifts for each of them. They'd have dinner, and the whole time he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off them, the shared looks with her, keeping track of how many times his brother muffles a snort over some inside joke only the two of them know. They'd bump shoulders washing the dishes together. At the end, she'd tell Denji it's okay to call her 'big sis'.
He can imagine all that. What he can't imagine is how an adult Denji would behave, how he could easily and openly accept his brother being stolen from him without lingering too long by the door when Aki leaves to walk her home to the station. ]
But, uh, what… do I have to do? [ To become the person Aki wants him to be? ] — To be an adult? 'sides getting a job.
[That definitely wasn't a joke but Aki doesn't point that out. He doesn't comment on the idea of him bringing anyone home - honestly, he's never thought about it. They've have friends over, once or twice, and that wasn't anything special. But a... girlfriend?]
[He doesn't know how to respond to the question for a moment. There are a lot of ways he could tell Denji to become an adult. Make his own decisions, for one, but they have to be grounded in common sense, not Denji-sense. Go grocery shopping on his own without a list and don't come home with extraneous items. Those kinds of things. He's good at enough things like waking up on time, eating a full meal, and keeping himself clean, but...]
You just... need to make smarter choices.
[With his position, he can see Pochita over Denji's head, curled in a little ball but still with that ever-present chainsaw sticking out of his head. He wouldn't put today's episode in that pile of bad choices, no, but he does wonder how things could have changed if he'd simply gone back to the beach with him. Ugh, it's not a useful thought process and he's cried enough today. He reaches over Denji's body to grab the edge of the comforter and pull it in closer, wrap them both up tighter. Power is still in the common room, he can hear, but he's not keen on waiting up for her. He drapes his arm over Denji's side and presses his hand on the small of his back, searching for the sensation of his breathing. Denji has scooted away from him a little but the touch, purposeful or not, attempts to draw him back in close.]
And you will. Once you get more experience and stuff. I'm sure.
[ Is that what he's been doing when he's not hanging out with them?
Experience-gathering. Making smart choices like getting a job, forming ties with people his age, with the same interests, and sculpting his body into one that'll eventually but put in the line of fire as a member of Public Safety — going places where Denji can't play the part of his clingy shadow, always traveling in his orbit, trying to make a dent. Knowing where he's at, if he's safe. Does Aki really think Denji can achieve a similar day-to-day? A life in which he can accomplish things on his own, independent from him. It's always been easier to seek him out, rely on Aki's intuition rather than stretch the limits of his own and reap the repercussions of being wrong. Doing the wrong thing. Failing the wrong person. But if someone like Aki believes in him…
Denji's still thinking about that as the comforter curves, and he's rolled closer into his chest, the hand squished to his back earning Aki a shiver, then an annoyed hum. His cheek rubs into the pillow to weigh his gaze on him, the tips of his hair, splayed out up top, skim the miniature spears decorating Pochita's saw, but he doesn't mind it. When it comes to him, Denji knows he's safe. They made a promise. Even if Aki won't be there one day to look after him, Pochita will.
Aki may be skeptical, and he may have every right to be, Denji thinks to himself, brushing down a few stray antennas from Aki's fringe. But Pochita's a good devil. ]
You said there was a job I could do before… [ Said, whilst playing with Aki's hair. Parting his fringe down the middle. ] Do they let dogs come hang out?
[It comes back to him after a slow moment, the logging job he'd mentioned. How he'd thought that Denji could use Pochita for that - But now, after today, the entire concept is crazy to him. There's no way he'd let Denji go and do a job that dangerous, that strenuous. Even if he's just sawing logs into strips and not felling any trees, he has no desire to let him get into any kind of trouble. Definitely not after today.]
[But the memory of their last conversation when they were like this is still a little fresh. How their argument had begun, how their arguments tend to begin nowadays. Talk about the future, about what they expect of one another. His nose twitches when a stray strand of hair falls between his eyes as he tries to keep a neutral expression. He doesn't want this to get either of them riled up.]
Who knows... We're still on vacation, you know. ["Vacation" while Public Safety tries to locate a devil running amok, sure, but it's a vacation nonetheless.] Tomorrow I'm going to get some sweet potatoes to roast. You can help with the barbecue again.
[Distract him with something fun, yeah. Denji and Power can stoke the coals and wrap the potatoes in foil and Aki can watch them, mindful of any stray fingers getting too close to the grill. He closes his eyes but doesn't bat his hand away. If anything, the idea of tomorrow isn't solely an image to distract Denji, alone.]
[ Here he is trying to think seriously for once about the tenuous future in which they're able to be together, happily, without conflict, and Aki wants to talk about sweet potatoes…
Despite himself, he sighs out a low puff of air — relieved. Well, it's true, they won't be turning into adults anytime soon, even less likely in a single night, no matter how much they plan or anticipate what changes will arrive come graduation time. He still wants to talk about the job again, eventually, since that seems to be the clear first step his brother was hinting at for Denji to make his debut as an aspiring adult, or whatever. Besides, you know, getting a girlfriend.
…Huh.
Wordlessly, and without warning, Denji swiftly ducks his head down, disappearing below the covers — and tugs wide the bottom hem of Aki's shirt, swooping inside the opening, the topmost strands of his crown sprouting out from the collar. He's thin enough that he's able to do this without stretching the material out too much. Quietly, Denji's arms surround Aki's middle, sliding up the defined stroked of his back, just as he predicted that he would. Face turned against his sternum, he mumbles: ]
Since we're all on vacation, maybe we should invite your friends over from soccer. And that fortune-telling thing — you know, like that one girl who remembered my name.
[Even though a warning before he does stuff like this would be nice, Aki only groans lightly, unseriously, as Denji burrows his way beneath his shirt and pops his head out through his collar, the blond locks tickling his nose and making him tilt his head back. He doesn't push him off or do anything to make it seem like he dislikes this, but he puts up enough of a show of being annoyed, like he's simply allowing it to happen, like whenever Denji rubs himself all over his front or wraps himself under his coat. Things they both should have grown out of long ago but still haven't. Well - What else is new?]
The girl who... [He remembers her after a moment, having to dig back for who else was there that day.] Oh, her... I guess so. Ah, Denji, your fingers are cold. [He shivers once, turning his shoulder a little further away to give him more room.] Yeah, we can invite them... I'll send out some messages tomorrow morning. You can invite whoever, too.
[Not that he expects him to. Denji's always been an unusual sort with friendship. Clingy once he gets close enough, but slow to build that connection. Pair that with his outlandish behavior and that he looks and acts like a troublemaker, most kids stay away from him, until Aki comes around. He raises a hand to pat his head over his shirt.]
If your chest hurts, or it's hard to breathe... [He trails off, closing his eyes. He doesn't want an argument now, so he settles on,] Just make sure you're comfy.
[ Were he not so freezing, he'd cheer. Instead, a careless snort hits Aki's clavicle, Denji burrowing his face inside the depths of the fine lines and curves of the body he's pressed himself into, refusing to retreat his hands regardless of his complaints. In fact, his fingertips drag all the more up and down his back, trying to snuff the cold out from his touch. He nearly drowned and their trip was ruined because of it. They aren't kids anymore, but they aren't adults yet, either, so — can't he get a pass? He should get a pass. ]
You think I'm gonna be running laps around the grill or somethin'? [ A breath, and then much quieter: ] 'm not gonna do anything to embarrass you this time.
[ A few of those words aren't anything Aki's ever said to him, at least not to his face, but he doesn't have to. With his ear pressed to the chamber of his chest, he can feel the flutter-beat of Aki's heart lightly thrumming through. The comfort of that sole sound, same as the hand touching down against the rear of his head, are what help to soothe the twinge aching in his own heart. That always seems to reside there, and makes its presence known during the moments that should be good and happy. ]
Sorry 'bout what happened today. [ His eyelids weigh over his eyes like bricks, drowsiness beginning to seep into his voice. But he keeps going. ] Won't make you worry tomorrow. I promise.
[He's tired. He hasn't really had a moment to relax at all today - not on the train, not at the beach, not on the way home. Laying like this with Denji right against him, his breaths fogging on his skin, the constant reminder that he's okay... It's coaxing him to let his guard down, relax into this moment and take it for what it is: a relief. But he's never been good at letting sleeping dogs lie. Even as he closes his eyes and settles into his pillow, he's never really fully asleep until the two of them are.]
[So it doesn't startle him when he apologizes, his voice sleepy and a mumble. He can hear Power turning the lights off in the other room, gathering Meowy to finally come to bed. Lightly, he pushes his head against Denji's, just a little bump of one noggin against the other.]
Always gonna worry... That's my job.
[He hears Power creep into the room, crawling into her bed as Meowy climbs over them, sniffs and takes in the scents of the three of them before, naturally, curling up in Power's cocoon. It's exactly how it should be, he thinks, everyone right where they should be - even if Denji is in his bed, hiding up his shirt. Even if there's a devil sleeping in his bed. No matter what... No matter what, he reminds himself, he'll always be worrying about them. So it's fine if he continues to tonight, too.]
Hayakawa family roasting sweet potatoes We're going to have a grill and hot stones set up Come by if you like this afternoon Please bring your own newspaper if you can
[That's the mass text that goes aound the next morning, with input from both Denji and Power on who to include and the grocery shopping list. Since they ended up not eating out while on their trip, they have plenty of cash to stock up on vegetables and Aki can roast them and use whatever leftovers they end up with into a white curry. He's been thinking about it since last night since it seemed like a simple, safe activity to do in light of the disaster that was that beach trip. Plus, they seriously need to stock up on some food. The zombie devil incident has made shopping for groceries harder to do in the early evening when Aki tends to go to get all the sales.]
[He tugs the apartment's grill into position on the front walkway and begins digging through the storage for coal and any stones leftover from when the neighbors did this before. He sent Denji and Power out with just enough cash to get a good variety of things, reminding them to only get things that will roast well: potatoes, carrots, eggplant, leeks... At the end of the day, whatever they don't eat will just become dinner later, he reminds them, so make sure to think about your future. That's to keep them from coming back with a thousand potatoes again and then crying about being sick of potatoes two days later.]
[It's chilly, for the season. It's still a few weeks to winter but he's already tugging his jacket back on once the exertion from moving all the equipment is no longer enough to keep him warm. Fanning the flames gently as they warm the coals, a pair of other boys show up eventually, waving small bags of things to roast and asking how the beach trip went. Aki lies and says it was a bore.]
[A few minutes go by as they catch up and Aki sees a few other kids: namely, the student council treasurer and the girl Denji took a liking to among them. She's not carrying anything to roast, which Aki finds a little odd, but doesn't question. Just greets her like the others and mentions there's a vending machine down the block if anyone wants something other than green tea.]
[ In the past, their grocery runs have been prone to stretch long, in addition to stretching the upper limits of Aki's good faith in them. It's because they have a bad habit of going off-script: deciding sometimes that maybe it's cheaper to dig for herbs, rather than buy them, or that they'd prefer marinading their eggs in a limited edition flavor of ramune that can only be found in a specific store in town over the usual soy sauce — but after yesterday, Denji's trying this thing called turning over a new leaf. Aki's not the only one who wants an easy day; his body still feels shaky, lightweight, like he's traded the bones inside of him for eggshells that could scatter with one sharp wintry wind any second now.
Honestly, he didn't think Aki would let him in on the action. Had tried hiding the perk in his expression when he'd tasked them with gathering the roastables, and then Power had skated herself under his arm, lifted him just a few centimeters off the ground, nearly throwing the muscles of her back with wild laughter, claiming that if anything happened, she could haul a billion or so Denjis over her shoulders to safety. Whether that remark was what sealed their fate, or if it was simply Aki's own calculated risk, it doesn't matter. They're shooed off.
Afterwards, Denji takes them on a beeline straight for the marketplace, Power at his side, swinging their hands back and forth. The air doesn't taste likes it's come fresh off the sea, but it's fine, he breathes in a lungful at every block, anyway, ignoring the slight wheeze echoing from the chambers of his chest. The entire time shopping, he keeps checking the group chat for any messages — people chiming in with what they're bringing, if they can or cannot make it. …Until he realizes there's no use because he can't tell which icon and phone number belongs to the girl he doesn't even know the name of. Dang it.
He returns with a dripping nose, arms crowded elbow to elbow with all the veggies Power didn't want to carry, stopping briefly near the entrance to greet his sole invite — the nice grandmother from the park who always shares her bird seeds with him to snack on. Liver-spotted hands patting at his cheeks, she tells him, gosh, he's so cold, but he laughs it off, setting their things aside at a long table; his bag tips over with most of the produce Aki recommended, along with cucumbers, napa cabbages, peppers, and sweet yams. He figured Aki would appreciate the ease with which some of their leftovers could be repurposed for other meals down the line, though he's kind of hoping that they'll be able to eat these right then for the get-together. Power's bag consists of corn and mushrooms, for the sole reason that she enjoys how it feels to tear her teeth through those the best.
His gaze sweeps over the perimeter, halting on a group of their schoolmates. Namely one person in particular…
Excusing himself, Denji ambles over — to Aki, just Aki, noticeably steering clear of the group on his way, waving off the ashen plumes rising from the grill as he approaches. Peeking out from behind him, he wipes at the back of his nose, a new drip of snot replacing the old one. Probably should have worn a scarf. ]
Hey, my friend wanted me to check on her turnips… Ah! Smells good. [ He sniffs, poking a finger at someone's carrot slice. ] But you sure ya put enough salt on that one? …Wait, uh, forget that — can you tell me that girl's name?
[When Denji returns, Aki is squatted in front of the coals, gently fanning them to stoke the fire. Two of the boys he played soccer with are seated near him as they chat quietly - about the one who got killed. How strange it all was, that they saw him just that day and the next minute he was gone. How they should have walked with him, shouldn't they have? That's what Public Safety was saying, right? But Aki reminds them that it was still the middle of the day when he left, that none of them were thinking about that. They can't blame themselves. "None of us could have fought off a devil," one of them mutters in addition, then looks at Aki with a perk in his brow. Not quite doubtful, but a little wary. "You're really going to join Public Safety?" he asks.]
[Aki opens his mouth to answer, but the sight of Denji coming through the gate with Power catches his eye before he can say anything. He realizes, maybe stupidly, that his heart had been racing during that discussion, thinking about Denji and Power by themselves. Devils don't care if it's morning or evening, after all. He shakes his head and pokes at one of the bundled sweet potatoes, coaxing it closer to the coals as he watches Denji drop the produce on the table. From habit, he assumes he's going to make his way over.]
Let's drop the topic, okay? [And just as he thought, here he comes, wiping at his nose as one of the other boys pulls out his phone, looking away. The other watches the two of them, amused by Denji's obvious intent in coming over as he starts asking after the girl.]
["You got a crush, Mini Hayakawa?" he teases, and Aki rolls his eyes. That girl can't possibly be Denji's type, he wants to argue, but... Suddenly, an idea comes to him and he pushes himself to his feet. He smells smoky and like a tuber but that's fine - He didn't get the food that girl brought anyway, and surely she brought something, so now's a good time to ask if she wants to cook it now or later. Even more importantly, however, is the idea of Denji making a friend who isn't five times his age.]
C'mon. [He reaches down to snag Denji by the wrist, heading over to the girl where she stands off to the side, rubbing her hands together and re-knotting her scarf around her neck. She looks up when she realizes Aki is coming towards her, a flush heating her face beneath her glasses and causing the bottom half of her bifocals to cloud up. He stops just a step or two away, tugging Denji right beside him.]
Komine - Did you bring anything? [He asks as he sees she truly doesn't have a bag, isn't carrying anything that could be large enough to hold even a potato. All she has is a small pochette around her shoulder which she switches to fiddling with the strap of. She shakes her head, looking down at the ground with a frown. "I didn't want to take up any extra time to cook my things," she explains, and Aki wants to point out that it's a roasting party, that multiple things can be cooked at once... But decides it's not really worth it. He sets a hand on Denji's shoulder instead, patting it once.] That's fine. He'll give you something from our stuff. This is my brother, Denji - [But she interrupts almost immediately with, "I know." Again Aki pauses. Wonders where she'd know of him, then decides she must have heard about him from the treasurer.] Well, let me know if you need anything.
[And then he turns and heads back to the fire, the boy from before watching with a wide grin of amusement. Aki only shrugs at him as he squats back down, then picks the fan up to continue stoking the flames.]
[ While Aki's friends snicker over the simmering coal pile, Denji turns in panicked ticks like a malfunctioning watch, almost on the verge of giving chase after his brother. But, casting a halting glance at the girl behind him, seeing her gaze break away and point at her shiny mary janes, he reluctantly continues his revolution, winding himself 360 degrees around to face her — Komine, that's right.
From the outside, he bears the wide-eyed flush of a boy who's never held another girl's hand outside of his family, doesn't yet know how to conduct himself in front of someone he likes; though it's hard to say if he really likes her. He likes the clear-eyed look to her every once when he actually manages to catch her gaze, but otherwise, she's quiet, like really quiet, her presence blending into the setting like a shadow with no other choice but to be there. And truthfully, his embarrassment has more to do with being hand-delivered here, as if he were a parcel being dropped off, or worse, some lonely little kid being introduced and passed on to his peers by his grade school teacher.
Ugh, that jerkwad…
Stomping down the desire to glare at Aki, he points over at the table spread. ]
Wanna go see? …My name's Hayakawa Denji, by the way.
[ "I know," she says again, nodding slowly. Her glasses sweep low down her nose with the movement.
…Ahhh, Aki told her that already, didn't he? Scratching at his scalp as they leave to apprise their options, Denji glances at the treasurer and the rest of her friends, at least who he assumes are her friends. Nobody casts them a second look in kind.
"I've seen you around school before, Denji-kun." ]
Oh. [ That catches his attention. In a good way. He cracks her a toothy grin, bright and excited. ] Oh, yeah, sure ya would! My class was the one that did the, uh, mascot cafe at the culture festival. I was the popular one — you know, floppy ears?
[ His hands move up the sides of his head, flapping to imitate said floppiness. Instead of watching him, Komine scans the layout of the produce, hands firmly clutched around her bag strap.
"I didn't have time to go to that event… I was busy with the art showcase. Um, sorry." His arms drop, lamely. Without reaching for anything on the table, she continues. "I've just seen you, that's all. When you visit the third year's floor, you're very loud. Like the last time you were going through your brother's desk."
His expression dims a watt, trying to remember what she's referring to, since it goes without saying that he liberally tends to rummage through Aki's things — oh, wait, the love letter. He scrambled to Aki's homeroom that morning, thinking he'd ask him if he left his homework in one of his textbooks. But what he found was, lo and behold, an envelope sitting on top of his pencil case. The strong fragrance of floral perfume wafting from the paper. Hayakawa Aki lovingly written in cute print on the front, a single heart drawn beside his name. Of course, he opened it. Read it, lamented, complained to himself about why a girl would like a guy with no plans of sticking around, complained again about the thought of sharing him with someone, and then sat there in his seat, reading and rereading the letter to the best of his ability. As if rewriting his reaction in his head. A good little brother would tell him, you should just go for it. Live a little. He's pretty sure that's what he told him. It feels so long ago, namely because that was the same day he met Pochita.
Was there someone else in the classroom back then?
Denji passes Komine the sweet potato she'd been inspecting for a few long seconds, asking her: ] Is that a bad thing?
[ She blinks up at him, then rests her gaze upon the offering, the corners of her lips lifting subtly. She smiles at him, pleased, graciously accepting it, accepting the other vegetables Denji promptly deposits in her arms. Accepting his kindness.
"No. I think my favorite thing about other people is when they live freely like that."
The conversation maintains its course with Denji struggling to make sense of some of things she says, but enjoying her interest, anyway. Lighting up each time her eyes brush over his face; it almost feels like he's floating on a cloud and not freezing his ass waiting for their turn to roast their pickings. She tells him about the type of paintings she displayed during this year's festival, how it gives her joy to capture the present in all its abundant sincerity. A single moment, still and unblemished. He kind of gets it, brings up the comparison of photography and how his sister has loads of photos of her cat for similar reasons, but changes the topic when he notices her expression waning — ]
Look, they're leaving.
[ Pointing out that the soccer boys have cleared from the grill, Denji rushes them both over before anyone else can steal into the opening. In contrast to Komine's much fuller arms, Denji carries with him a halved piece of eggplant and a few mushrooms. ]
[It's so obvious he's watching them that one of the other boys points it out. "You're staring, dude," they say, and Aki tears his eyes away from Denji and the girl standing near the produce. He prods at one of the eggplants and tells himself there's no actual reason to his annoyance. That, if Denji is going to make friends with someone, she's not exactly the worst choice. She's just a weirdo. Always quiet and has her head down. Draws or something, he thinks - Honestly, he doesn't really pay her any attention ever. She's not his type, after all. Or Denji's.]
["You're staring," the boy repeats, and Aki lowers his gaze again. Annoyed. "Whatever. Hey, let's go get something from the vending machine." The two of them head off as Aki is left to sulk by the fire, but no sooner are they gone when a new pair of shadows hover over him.]
Oh... Yeah. [Aki nods, reaching over to grab some of the newspaper to hand to them both.] Here, wrap them up. You remember how, right? Make sure you make it all equal, don't ball it up or anything, or it won't cook as well. Komine, you -
["I know how," she mutters, taking some of the newspaper as she squats down to begin wrapping her vegetables. Aki doesn't respond outright, mostly because he's more focused on Denji. If she knows how, then she doesn't need help. So he's good to just ignore her. Since she's kind of a weirdo, anyway. What was she even talking to Denji about? She's so quiet all the time that he can't imagine her being much for conversation...]
I'll put them on the coals, let me take them. [He reaches out toward Denji once his items are wrapped, but he frowns when he feels his hands during the trade-off.] ...You're too cold. Go inside and get a scarf or something.
[ Squinting down at his hands in concentration, he carefully folds the pages of his newspaper around the eggplant in uneven angles. His brow twitches. He opens the paper back up again, about to start over, until his fingers pause.
Even though Denji's reading ability still lags behind most kids his age, and even though he constantly mixes up the kanji for words like brain and worries, it doesn't chafe him that much. Really, he'd rather not have to wrack his brain worrying about the layers of meanings and double-meanings in this language; if he had it his way, he'd go his life just interpreting things based on pictures and instinct. But Aki rarely approves of his perspective on literacy, so sometimes he'll point out to a word or a series of phrases, or ask him for the stroke order of something, and that's probably how he's managed to grow a serviceable vocabulary. Enough to be able to scan a column of a newspaper and read that the investigation into the zombie attack is still underway, that a specially assembled team from Tokyo is expected to soon join the effort to resolve the situation. ]
Hm. [ Oh, well — Denji crimps the folds together once again, still not all symmetrical, but he holds it out to Aki, anyway, a self-satisfied grin pulling at his cheeks. ] Look, I did it! [ Thee expression doesn't last, a dumbfounded look quickly replacing it as Aki tells him to adjust his state of dress. Not exactly helping his case, Denji rubs at the wet tip of his nose. ] But I'm…
[ He looks to Komine. She's still finishing up her veggies since her pile outnumbers Denji's. Meaning, it doesn't look she'll be going anywhere anytime soon.
Denji passes on the rest of his roast to Aki, backing away while still facing him, silently mouthing to his brother: Don't let her go anywhere before I can ask for her number, a'right? And then he turns, heading for the stairs. ]
[The interruption comes just as Denji is mouthing his (to Aki) unreadable order, from Komine's spot squatted on the ground. Handing off one of the rolled up vegetables to Aki, she uses her freed hands to unravel the scarf around her neck and offers that out to Denji in turn. It's not one of their school uniform scarfs, rather a purple one with little pom poms on each end. Aki's brows crease.]
It's just upstairs. You don't need to -- ["It's fine," she interrupts, her head ducked back down as she holds out the scarf, a few inches away from the barbecue pit. "I want him to have it."]
[Aki could think to see a red flag in this, how she only just met him and already wants to give him something like this, but instead he feels a wash of annoyance pass over him. How Denji is going to be talking about this scarf for the next six weeks and asking Aki to recite exactly what she said to him when she offered it out and probably recounting the smell of her shampoo in the fabric... He makes a noncommittal sort of noise and turns his attention away, setting the poorly-covered eggplant against the coals.]
[ Numbly spinning the scarf around his neck, nearly entrapping himself in the entire length thing, leaving only a sliver left to hang over his shoulders, he bobs the puffballs resting in his palm. He hasn't blinked once since receiving it from Komine.
Honestly, it itches; it's not dense enough to truly warm his neck; it's got a too-strawberry scent stitched into its folds that overwhelms his senses upon inhale. It's also not something Denji questions. He drops his face into the scarf, scratching his blushing cheeks all over with the fabric. ]
Oh my god. It's real.
[ Crap, what type of expression should he make? Then again, he kind of already expressed himself plenty just now — but, well, Komine isn't even looking at him, so it's fine. Maybe.
Uh, thanks — that's what I meant 'ta say, [ he recovers, coolly, hardly a twitch to his mouth. ] I'll give it back to ya later… Got some snot on it, so I can give it a wash before.
[ "You don't have to. We're friends from now on, so I'd like you to keep it."
Coming from anyone else, it could have been a warmly stated response. From Komine, the same bland intonation carries forth, like she's tired that she has to continue the conversation after already saying her piece. Not sure how to take the contradictory messaging, Denji simply grins through it, nodding furiously, promising to take care of the scarf until the end of his days.
Slipping to Aki, he nudges an elbow against his arm, trying to subtly (for Denji) capture his attention, his voice lowered into a whisper: ] Aki, feel it — it's real!
[Aki watches the exchange with a growing annoyance pricking his brow.]
[From the way Denji's fingers wrap around the fabric, how he palms the pompoms and bounces them in his hands, to the way he shoves his whole face into the depths of it... That's one thing. But it's Komine, herself, who Aki doesn't trust. If this is some kind of bullying thing, or what kind of meaning this would have, otherwise. Girls don't just give stuff like this to boys. Aki would know. He learned that early on, that anything given is a desire for something in return. And Denji - Denji's just too stupid to recognize it. That, even if he doesn't give two shits about her, even if he's just caught up in the feeling of a girl paying attention to him, that it comes with a cost.]
[He sighs when Denji slips away from her and toward him, instead, loud enough to be heard far above his whispering. Feel what? he could monotone in response, annoyance in his tone, a warning like a monkey baring its teeth. But he only prods at some of the rolled-up vegetables with a stick, doing his best to show him the truth: that it shouldn't be a big deal. That the bigger of a deal he makes it out to be, the worse his eventual fall is going to hurt.]
[He never really liked Komine, he realizes. Doesn't like how she clings to the treasurer and follows her around sometimes, not catching the hint that she wasn't welcome in official meetings. Doesn't like the way she avoids looking at Aki directly, how she frowns if he mentions Public Safety or his goal after graduation. Hell, she never even talks about herself that much, just silently judges everyone else.]
[...He's being petty, he notes, but doesn't let himself see the sickly and sticky jealousy coating that feeling.]
Keep your jacket buttoned up. I don't want to hear you sneezing tonight.
[ Swiftly, the unenthused response files down Denji's broad, razor-toothed smile into a blunt line. What he says isn't any different from his typical chiding that borders on fault-finding. It's how he says it: without looking at him, happily breathing in the smoke gusting up from the grill rather than face his own brother.
Can'tcha react better than that, nearly slips past his lips, but he holds his tongue to the roof of his mouth, presses up like a blockade. But it doesn't squash down the thoughts from congesting in his head, because, seriously, is it that hard? He doesn't have to think it's anything special or worth celebrating, but he could at least play along. He could at least be happy for him. It's not as if Denji was psyched to hear about Aki's first kiss once he and his friends thought he was out of earshot, or to have to go digging through Aki's things to learn someone was crushing on him, but he was curious about it. Interested. Maybe if Aki let him in on the secret, they could have — bonded. Talked about it, laughed it off. Whatever it is that brothers do over that sort of thing. Not that he would know seeing as Aki always refuses him that experience.
His eyes shift off, landing back on the crouched girl, a little less than half of her vegetables finished evenly browning over the flames. Denji's fingers shovel underneath Komine's scarf to click his jacket buttons together. ]
…Jokes on you. Haven't sneezed once today, [ he mutters, sniffing up a drop of snot. Then, swinging his gaze back at him, his volume rises up, snippily: ] How 'bout you stop standing so close to the fire, huh. Before even joining Public Safety, you're gonna get sick and ugly with that thing smokers get. Cancer, whatever —
[ "Are you done?" Komine's voice shoots over Denji's own. Her face is half-arched over her shoulder, staring up at them both. She's a little cute like that. ]
Uh, am I? [ He looks to Aki, first, the inclination to redirect downward to inspect his food coming a second later. He did have a lesser haul than his counterpart. ] I mean — probably in a little? I got started after you, so…
[ "But you'll still finish before me," she points out. ]
…Looks like it.
[ "Maybe you should go wait over there at the table once Hayakawa-kun is finished, and then I can come to you." Denji follows along with her line of sight. The others, including the treasurer, seem to have scuttled off to another corner of the area to watch Power perform tricks with the cat. Komine's next few words come to him just as the picture of them sitting across from one another, giggling and playing footsie under the table, forms in his mind: "We can eat together." ]
Ohhh… Yeah, okay. [ Expression unstirred, Denji cups his hands together, holding them out to his brother. ] Aki, plate me up.
[It's not hard to get into a snippy argument like this with Denji over something stupid, and Aki even opens his mouth to tell him that this isn't the kind of smoke that rots your bones and gives you cancer or whatever, it's a totally different kind of smoke, but then Komine speaks up and, whether intentional or not, knocks the wind out of his sails and the words with it.]
[He's not actually mad at Denji. He didn't do anything, after all. So there's no actual reason to be annoyed with him or upset or whatever - so he tells himself, poking at one of the newspaper-wrapped potatoes and watching the steam gush out from the hole. He's still not fond of Denji getting close with someone kind of off-kilter like Komine, still thinks she isn't quite the best influence on him, but...]
[But then he thinks back to a couple days ago and how she had spoken about the guy who had died, that her seat wasn't far from him. That, maybe, she's lonely and wants someone to talk to who isn't so awkward around her, or considering her feelings so seriously. Someone who isn't going to treat her differently and, in fact, has his own reasons for people to treat him with kid gloves, as well. Maybe that's why she's decided to talk to him today, Aki thinks. Maybe she's suffering just like the rest of them.]
[So Aki doesn't respond with any more snark or cold words, simply scoops up a few of the vegetables that have the tell-tale Denji wrapping and flips them over to set the less-hot side in his palms.]
Here. Go on and eat, and tell Power to come get something, too.
[And then he waits for Denji to head off, for him to move over to the larger group, at the small picnic table set up in front of the complex. He tests Komine's next, but the thicker root vegetables take an extra minute or so, and she doesn't seem keen on moving just yet, so he speaks up.]
He had a rough day yesterday, so - I mean, I'm sure he appreciates getting his mind off things.
[She doesn't say anything in response and Aki thinks maybe she didn't hear him, or maybe she's ignoring him, but a couple minutes later when he mentions her things should be ready she puts her gloved hands out for him, her eyes fogged by the smoke and heat covering her glasses.]
["Thanks for setting this up," she says as he places them carefully into her hands. "It's nice to see everyone." Aki nods as she gets up and heads over to Denji, figuring that's about as normal as the conversations he has with her tend to be.]
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[Of course it's enough for him, Aki hears himself say, but the words never leave his lips. He doesn't want anything but that. He wants Denji and Power to live full lives, healthy and happy, doing what they want. It's a selfish desire because, to Aki, such a future isn't possible without the destruction of the Gun Devil. And that future can't happen without him going to Public Safety. And the best chance of getting there, of getting a shot at the Gun, is to go to Tokyo.]
[Like everything in his life, it all comes back to one devil.]
[Denji curls himself around his arm and settles against his shoulder and Aki sits still so he can, even tilts his head to the side until he's comfortable. He doesn't have it in him after everything that happened today to shut him down, but the promise to help him learn CPR gets a short, amused sound out of him. He raises his free hand to set on his head, carefully and gently straightening out his wet hair.]
I'll hold you to that, you know. You'd have to let me kiss you.
[Teasing, lighthearted. He won't tell him there's no chance he'll take him anywhere near that sort of world after today. That he would have been happier if someone else had died if it meant Denji hadn't been hurt. Yeah, if it had been like last time... Like last time, when that devil had killed that other student. Would he throw someone in the line of fire to protect one person? For Denji, yeah. For Power, yeah. And that's not right, he knows. He knows it's selfish and cruel, to weigh one life against another and instantly make a judgment. So he says nothing of it and simply keeps them out of the situation.]
You can sleep with me tonight, if you want. [There's a brief pause.] I won't get mad at you this time. [So long as you don't tell me I'm like your mom, he doesn't say.]
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Don't kick me out this time…
[ His nose turns in for one fast moment — it's hard to say if he's trying to scrub the image from behind his eyelids, or if he's just trying to find a way into Aki's skin, wedging himself underneath. Could be that he's caught between both compulsions. Sighing, he reluctantly pushes apart from his brother, hands rubbing at his sides. His fingers sure are cold. Is the heat really on? ]
I'll help rollin' the beds out.
[ He probably shouldn't be helping with anything, but he shoves aside that niggling feeling, sliding the closet wide open. Remembering that they would have been spending their night at a ryokan, had circumstances not soured, he sighs again while pulling one bedroll out, the sound stringing out of him long and uneven. Denji avoids exerting too much of his energy by simply scooting each futon out from the shelf where they're stored, letting them flop at his feet, making sure to shift back in time. With a bit of pulling and maneuvering, the beds are all wind up set in a row. ]
Pochita can have the third one all to himself tonight, [ Denji says, glancing Aki's way. More or less an excuse to search for his approval of his handiwork. ]
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[Aki notices it, even if he doesn't want to. Denji sounds weak. He sounds like he does after these episodes, and Aki has learned not to outright comment on it. He knows he'll get defensive or disagree or complain that Aki's being too pushy, too paranoid. That he's fine. He leans back on his knees to call out to Power, tell her it's time for bed. She shouts back that she'll be there soon, once whatever dark bidding she's doing has been accomplished. When he turns back and sees all three beds laid out, he's a little surprised - but when Denji says one is for the devil dog, he doesn't question it or comment.]
Put on some socks, so your feet stay warm. [Even with the chilly weather, he's still in a tee and long sweats. He has a feeling Denji is going to shove his hands under his shirt at some point in complaint about being cold... Well, it's worth it, if he can keep him close tonight. Monitor his breathing and wake up quickly if anything goes wrong.]
[When he pulls back the covers, he reaches out to find Denji's pillow to tug closer before patting the bedding for him to come in. The light, left on its dimmest setting so Power can still find her way in, casts an eerie glow in the room, more orange than yellow, dark corners darker than usual. He sets his head down and thinks aloud:]
In Tokyo, we can probably get full beds, off the floor and everything. It'll be warmer, and easier to clean... [Then trails off, the image cementing itself easily beside the many others he's voiced about their near future. Certain and detailed. It's calming, in a way.]
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Tonight, it's fine. Of course, he'd rather hear the contentedness in Aki's voice over his watery gasps, his strangled sobbing. His misery.
Shadow looming over the bulk of the room for a moment, Denji walks on his knees to get to the open plot of space Aki presents to him. He stretches his arm high above his head, yawning — somehow, just that small effort stains his sight with bleary dots. It was the same when he was moving around the beds, but it's easy enough to blink away, so he does. ]
Can we still share beds in Tokyo? [ His hands tuck under the back of his head, neck rolling so he can try to make out Aki's expression in the dimmed room. ] I get you'll be out hittin' the town at night more often, but I can keep your bed warm for when ya get back.
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[The joke about kissing was just that - a joke, jumping off Denji's misunderstanding around CPR. It didn't faze him and didn't mean anything to Aki. So when Denji mentions sharing beds in Tokyo - a place that's always meant "adulthood" in Aki's mind - he looks surprised, tilting his head to look down at him, see if he's kidding. But no, he even goes on, comments on Aki being out later. Keeping the bed warm for him.]
No, that's...
[He sets his head down, feeling his face grow warm. What had they talked about before...? Right before Aki got mad at him. He promised he'd always come home at night - that part. And then he'd been surprised that Aki was thinking about eventually having sex. But, does that connection not even occur to Denji? Probably not... Probably, given their relationship, he'd never even think of it as anything but platonic. But how would he explain it if that ever got out to someone else?]
[He can see it now. Trying to rise the ranks of Public Safety, talking to his future boss when, all of a sudden, Denji calls to ask him something inane and meaningless, and finishing off with, "'Kay, see you tonight! I'll keep you side of the bed warm!"]
[His face feels way too warm. Aki huffs out a breath and turns into Denji's hair. Almost nullifying the meaning of what he says next by essentially squeezing in closer.]
You'll have to grow out of it, eventually...
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…Was just a joke. [ Denji leans slightly away from him, focusing on their closed window blinds. The vague silhouettes of their neighbors returning to their apartment, soft laughter coming from outside. ] I wouldn't do that if you brought someone home… I'd be good.
[ He can imagine it: One night, watching a girl arrange her shoes next to Aki's in the entryway. Pretty, nice smile, dimples. The type to leave a good impression, no matter who she's meeting. She'd already have their names memorized, know to add a 'great and mighty' before Power's name. She'd come with personalized gifts for each of them. They'd have dinner, and the whole time he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off them, the shared looks with her, keeping track of how many times his brother muffles a snort over some inside joke only the two of them know. They'd bump shoulders washing the dishes together. At the end, she'd tell Denji it's okay to call her 'big sis'.
He can imagine all that. What he can't imagine is how an adult Denji would behave, how he could easily and openly accept his brother being stolen from him without lingering too long by the door when Aki leaves to walk her home to the station. ]
But, uh, what… do I have to do? [ To become the person Aki wants him to be? ] — To be an adult? 'sides getting a job.
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[That definitely wasn't a joke but Aki doesn't point that out. He doesn't comment on the idea of him bringing anyone home - honestly, he's never thought about it. They've have friends over, once or twice, and that wasn't anything special. But a... girlfriend?]
[He doesn't know how to respond to the question for a moment. There are a lot of ways he could tell Denji to become an adult. Make his own decisions, for one, but they have to be grounded in common sense, not Denji-sense. Go grocery shopping on his own without a list and don't come home with extraneous items. Those kinds of things. He's good at enough things like waking up on time, eating a full meal, and keeping himself clean, but...]
You just... need to make smarter choices.
[With his position, he can see Pochita over Denji's head, curled in a little ball but still with that ever-present chainsaw sticking out of his head. He wouldn't put today's episode in that pile of bad choices, no, but he does wonder how things could have changed if he'd simply gone back to the beach with him. Ugh, it's not a useful thought process and he's cried enough today. He reaches over Denji's body to grab the edge of the comforter and pull it in closer, wrap them both up tighter. Power is still in the common room, he can hear, but he's not keen on waiting up for her. He drapes his arm over Denji's side and presses his hand on the small of his back, searching for the sensation of his breathing. Denji has scooted away from him a little but the touch, purposeful or not, attempts to draw him back in close.]
And you will. Once you get more experience and stuff. I'm sure.
[He's like... half sure.]
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[ Is that what he's been doing when he's not hanging out with them?
Experience-gathering. Making smart choices like getting a job, forming ties with people his age, with the same interests, and sculpting his body into one that'll eventually but put in the line of fire as a member of Public Safety — going places where Denji can't play the part of his clingy shadow, always traveling in his orbit, trying to make a dent. Knowing where he's at, if he's safe. Does Aki really think Denji can achieve a similar day-to-day? A life in which he can accomplish things on his own, independent from him. It's always been easier to seek him out, rely on Aki's intuition rather than stretch the limits of his own and reap the repercussions of being wrong. Doing the wrong thing. Failing the wrong person. But if someone like Aki believes in him…
Denji's still thinking about that as the comforter curves, and he's rolled closer into his chest, the hand squished to his back earning Aki a shiver, then an annoyed hum. His cheek rubs into the pillow to weigh his gaze on him, the tips of his hair, splayed out up top, skim the miniature spears decorating Pochita's saw, but he doesn't mind it. When it comes to him, Denji knows he's safe. They made a promise. Even if Aki won't be there one day to look after him, Pochita will.
Aki may be skeptical, and he may have every right to be, Denji thinks to himself, brushing down a few stray antennas from Aki's fringe. But Pochita's a good devil. ]
You said there was a job I could do before… [ Said, whilst playing with Aki's hair. Parting his fringe down the middle. ] Do they let dogs come hang out?
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[The job he'd said before...]
[It comes back to him after a slow moment, the logging job he'd mentioned. How he'd thought that Denji could use Pochita for that - But now, after today, the entire concept is crazy to him. There's no way he'd let Denji go and do a job that dangerous, that strenuous. Even if he's just sawing logs into strips and not felling any trees, he has no desire to let him get into any kind of trouble. Definitely not after today.]
[But the memory of their last conversation when they were like this is still a little fresh. How their argument had begun, how their arguments tend to begin nowadays. Talk about the future, about what they expect of one another. His nose twitches when a stray strand of hair falls between his eyes as he tries to keep a neutral expression. He doesn't want this to get either of them riled up.]
Who knows... We're still on vacation, you know. ["Vacation" while Public Safety tries to locate a devil running amok, sure, but it's a vacation nonetheless.] Tomorrow I'm going to get some sweet potatoes to roast. You can help with the barbecue again.
[Distract him with something fun, yeah. Denji and Power can stoke the coals and wrap the potatoes in foil and Aki can watch them, mindful of any stray fingers getting too close to the grill. He closes his eyes but doesn't bat his hand away. If anything, the idea of tomorrow isn't solely an image to distract Denji, alone.]
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Despite himself, he sighs out a low puff of air — relieved. Well, it's true, they won't be turning into adults anytime soon, even less likely in a single night, no matter how much they plan or anticipate what changes will arrive come graduation time. He still wants to talk about the job again, eventually, since that seems to be the clear first step his brother was hinting at for Denji to make his debut as an aspiring adult, or whatever. Besides, you know, getting a girlfriend.
…Huh.
Wordlessly, and without warning, Denji swiftly ducks his head down, disappearing below the covers — and tugs wide the bottom hem of Aki's shirt, swooping inside the opening, the topmost strands of his crown sprouting out from the collar. He's thin enough that he's able to do this without stretching the material out too much. Quietly, Denji's arms surround Aki's middle, sliding up the defined stroked of his back, just as he predicted that he would. Face turned against his sternum, he mumbles: ]
Since we're all on vacation, maybe we should invite your friends over from soccer. And that fortune-telling thing — you know, like that one girl who remembered my name.
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[Even though a warning before he does stuff like this would be nice, Aki only groans lightly, unseriously, as Denji burrows his way beneath his shirt and pops his head out through his collar, the blond locks tickling his nose and making him tilt his head back. He doesn't push him off or do anything to make it seem like he dislikes this, but he puts up enough of a show of being annoyed, like he's simply allowing it to happen, like whenever Denji rubs himself all over his front or wraps himself under his coat. Things they both should have grown out of long ago but still haven't. Well - What else is new?]
The girl who... [He remembers her after a moment, having to dig back for who else was there that day.] Oh, her... I guess so. Ah, Denji, your fingers are cold. [He shivers once, turning his shoulder a little further away to give him more room.] Yeah, we can invite them... I'll send out some messages tomorrow morning. You can invite whoever, too.
[Not that he expects him to. Denji's always been an unusual sort with friendship. Clingy once he gets close enough, but slow to build that connection. Pair that with his outlandish behavior and that he looks and acts like a troublemaker, most kids stay away from him, until Aki comes around. He raises a hand to pat his head over his shirt.]
If your chest hurts, or it's hard to breathe... [He trails off, closing his eyes. He doesn't want an argument now, so he settles on,] Just make sure you're comfy.
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You think I'm gonna be running laps around the grill or somethin'? [ A breath, and then much quieter: ] 'm not gonna do anything to embarrass you this time.
[ A few of those words aren't anything Aki's ever said to him, at least not to his face, but he doesn't have to. With his ear pressed to the chamber of his chest, he can feel the flutter-beat of Aki's heart lightly thrumming through. The comfort of that sole sound, same as the hand touching down against the rear of his head, are what help to soothe the twinge aching in his own heart. That always seems to reside there, and makes its presence known during the moments that should be good and happy. ]
Sorry 'bout what happened today. [ His eyelids weigh over his eyes like bricks, drowsiness beginning to seep into his voice. But he keeps going. ] Won't make you worry tomorrow. I promise.
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[He's tired. He hasn't really had a moment to relax at all today - not on the train, not at the beach, not on the way home. Laying like this with Denji right against him, his breaths fogging on his skin, the constant reminder that he's okay... It's coaxing him to let his guard down, relax into this moment and take it for what it is: a relief. But he's never been good at letting sleeping dogs lie. Even as he closes his eyes and settles into his pillow, he's never really fully asleep until the two of them are.]
[So it doesn't startle him when he apologizes, his voice sleepy and a mumble. He can hear Power turning the lights off in the other room, gathering Meowy to finally come to bed. Lightly, he pushes his head against Denji's, just a little bump of one noggin against the other.]
Always gonna worry... That's my job.
[He hears Power creep into the room, crawling into her bed as Meowy climbs over them, sniffs and takes in the scents of the three of them before, naturally, curling up in Power's cocoon. It's exactly how it should be, he thinks, everyone right where they should be - even if Denji is in his bed, hiding up his shirt. Even if there's a devil sleeping in his bed. No matter what... No matter what, he reminds himself, he'll always be worrying about them. So it's fine if he continues to tonight, too.]
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Hayakawa family roasting sweet potatoes
We're going to have a grill and hot stones set up
Come by if you like this afternoon
Please bring your own newspaper if you can
[That's the mass text that goes aound the next morning, with input from both Denji and Power on who to include and the grocery shopping list. Since they ended up not eating out while on their trip, they have plenty of cash to stock up on vegetables and Aki can roast them and use whatever leftovers they end up with into a white curry. He's been thinking about it since last night since it seemed like a simple, safe activity to do in light of the disaster that was that beach trip. Plus, they seriously need to stock up on some food. The zombie devil incident has made shopping for groceries harder to do in the early evening when Aki tends to go to get all the sales.]
[He tugs the apartment's grill into position on the front walkway and begins digging through the storage for coal and any stones leftover from when the neighbors did this before. He sent Denji and Power out with just enough cash to get a good variety of things, reminding them to only get things that will roast well: potatoes, carrots, eggplant, leeks... At the end of the day, whatever they don't eat will just become dinner later, he reminds them, so make sure to think about your future. That's to keep them from coming back with a thousand potatoes again and then crying about being sick of potatoes two days later.]
[It's chilly, for the season. It's still a few weeks to winter but he's already tugging his jacket back on once the exertion from moving all the equipment is no longer enough to keep him warm. Fanning the flames gently as they warm the coals, a pair of other boys show up eventually, waving small bags of things to roast and asking how the beach trip went. Aki lies and says it was a bore.]
[A few minutes go by as they catch up and Aki sees a few other kids: namely, the student council treasurer and the girl Denji took a liking to among them. She's not carrying anything to roast, which Aki finds a little odd, but doesn't question. Just greets her like the others and mentions there's a vending machine down the block if anyone wants something other than green tea.]
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Honestly, he didn't think Aki would let him in on the action. Had tried hiding the perk in his expression when he'd tasked them with gathering the roastables, and then Power had skated herself under his arm, lifted him just a few centimeters off the ground, nearly throwing the muscles of her back with wild laughter, claiming that if anything happened, she could haul a billion or so Denjis over her shoulders to safety. Whether that remark was what sealed their fate, or if it was simply Aki's own calculated risk, it doesn't matter. They're shooed off.
Afterwards, Denji takes them on a beeline straight for the marketplace, Power at his side, swinging their hands back and forth. The air doesn't taste likes it's come fresh off the sea, but it's fine, he breathes in a lungful at every block, anyway, ignoring the slight wheeze echoing from the chambers of his chest. The entire time shopping, he keeps checking the group chat for any messages — people chiming in with what they're bringing, if they can or cannot make it. …Until he realizes there's no use because he can't tell which icon and phone number belongs to the girl he doesn't even know the name of. Dang it.
He returns with a dripping nose, arms crowded elbow to elbow with all the veggies Power didn't want to carry, stopping briefly near the entrance to greet his sole invite — the nice grandmother from the park who always shares her bird seeds with him to snack on. Liver-spotted hands patting at his cheeks, she tells him, gosh, he's so cold, but he laughs it off, setting their things aside at a long table; his bag tips over with most of the produce Aki recommended, along with cucumbers, napa cabbages, peppers, and sweet yams. He figured Aki would appreciate the ease with which some of their leftovers could be repurposed for other meals down the line, though he's kind of hoping that they'll be able to eat these right then for the get-together. Power's bag consists of corn and mushrooms, for the sole reason that she enjoys how it feels to tear her teeth through those the best.
His gaze sweeps over the perimeter, halting on a group of their schoolmates. Namely one person in particular…
Excusing himself, Denji ambles over — to Aki, just Aki, noticeably steering clear of the group on his way, waving off the ashen plumes rising from the grill as he approaches. Peeking out from behind him, he wipes at the back of his nose, a new drip of snot replacing the old one. Probably should have worn a scarf. ]
Hey, my friend wanted me to check on her turnips… Ah! Smells good. [ He sniffs, poking a finger at someone's carrot slice. ] But you sure ya put enough salt on that one? …Wait, uh, forget that — can you tell me that girl's name?
[ A thumb points over his shoulder. ]
Feel like it started with a Ko-somethin', right?
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[When Denji returns, Aki is squatted in front of the coals, gently fanning them to stoke the fire. Two of the boys he played soccer with are seated near him as they chat quietly - about the one who got killed. How strange it all was, that they saw him just that day and the next minute he was gone. How they should have walked with him, shouldn't they have? That's what Public Safety was saying, right? But Aki reminds them that it was still the middle of the day when he left, that none of them were thinking about that. They can't blame themselves. "None of us could have fought off a devil," one of them mutters in addition, then looks at Aki with a perk in his brow. Not quite doubtful, but a little wary. "You're really going to join Public Safety?" he asks.]
[Aki opens his mouth to answer, but the sight of Denji coming through the gate with Power catches his eye before he can say anything. He realizes, maybe stupidly, that his heart had been racing during that discussion, thinking about Denji and Power by themselves. Devils don't care if it's morning or evening, after all. He shakes his head and pokes at one of the bundled sweet potatoes, coaxing it closer to the coals as he watches Denji drop the produce on the table. From habit, he assumes he's going to make his way over.]
Let's drop the topic, okay? [And just as he thought, here he comes, wiping at his nose as one of the other boys pulls out his phone, looking away. The other watches the two of them, amused by Denji's obvious intent in coming over as he starts asking after the girl.]
["You got a crush, Mini Hayakawa?" he teases, and Aki rolls his eyes. That girl can't possibly be Denji's type, he wants to argue, but... Suddenly, an idea comes to him and he pushes himself to his feet. He smells smoky and like a tuber but that's fine - He didn't get the food that girl brought anyway, and surely she brought something, so now's a good time to ask if she wants to cook it now or later. Even more importantly, however, is the idea of Denji making a friend who isn't five times his age.]
C'mon. [He reaches down to snag Denji by the wrist, heading over to the girl where she stands off to the side, rubbing her hands together and re-knotting her scarf around her neck. She looks up when she realizes Aki is coming towards her, a flush heating her face beneath her glasses and causing the bottom half of her bifocals to cloud up. He stops just a step or two away, tugging Denji right beside him.]
Komine - Did you bring anything? [He asks as he sees she truly doesn't have a bag, isn't carrying anything that could be large enough to hold even a potato. All she has is a small pochette around her shoulder which she switches to fiddling with the strap of. She shakes her head, looking down at the ground with a frown. "I didn't want to take up any extra time to cook my things," she explains, and Aki wants to point out that it's a roasting party, that multiple things can be cooked at once... But decides it's not really worth it. He sets a hand on Denji's shoulder instead, patting it once.] That's fine. He'll give you something from our stuff. This is my brother, Denji - [But she interrupts almost immediately with, "I know." Again Aki pauses. Wonders where she'd know of him, then decides she must have heard about him from the treasurer.] Well, let me know if you need anything.
[And then he turns and heads back to the fire, the boy from before watching with a wide grin of amusement. Aki only shrugs at him as he squats back down, then picks the fan up to continue stoking the flames.]
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[ While Aki's friends snicker over the simmering coal pile, Denji turns in panicked ticks like a malfunctioning watch, almost on the verge of giving chase after his brother. But, casting a halting glance at the girl behind him, seeing her gaze break away and point at her shiny mary janes, he reluctantly continues his revolution, winding himself 360 degrees around to face her — Komine, that's right.
From the outside, he bears the wide-eyed flush of a boy who's never held another girl's hand outside of his family, doesn't yet know how to conduct himself in front of someone he likes; though it's hard to say if he really likes her. He likes the clear-eyed look to her every once when he actually manages to catch her gaze, but otherwise, she's quiet, like really quiet, her presence blending into the setting like a shadow with no other choice but to be there. And truthfully, his embarrassment has more to do with being hand-delivered here, as if he were a parcel being dropped off, or worse, some lonely little kid being introduced and passed on to his peers by his grade school teacher.
Ugh, that jerkwad…
Stomping down the desire to glare at Aki, he points over at the table spread. ]
Wanna go see? …My name's Hayakawa Denji, by the way.
[ "I know," she says again, nodding slowly. Her glasses sweep low down her nose with the movement.
…Ahhh, Aki told her that already, didn't he? Scratching at his scalp as they leave to apprise their options, Denji glances at the treasurer and the rest of her friends, at least who he assumes are her friends. Nobody casts them a second look in kind.
"I've seen you around school before, Denji-kun." ]
Oh. [ That catches his attention. In a good way. He cracks her a toothy grin, bright and excited. ] Oh, yeah, sure ya would! My class was the one that did the, uh, mascot cafe at the culture festival. I was the popular one — you know, floppy ears?
[ His hands move up the sides of his head, flapping to imitate said floppiness. Instead of watching him, Komine scans the layout of the produce, hands firmly clutched around her bag strap.
"I didn't have time to go to that event… I was busy with the art showcase. Um, sorry." His arms drop, lamely. Without reaching for anything on the table, she continues. "I've just seen you, that's all. When you visit the third year's floor, you're very loud. Like the last time you were going through your brother's desk."
His expression dims a watt, trying to remember what she's referring to, since it goes without saying that he liberally tends to rummage through Aki's things — oh, wait, the love letter. He scrambled to Aki's homeroom that morning, thinking he'd ask him if he left his homework in one of his textbooks. But what he found was, lo and behold, an envelope sitting on top of his pencil case. The strong fragrance of floral perfume wafting from the paper. Hayakawa Aki lovingly written in cute print on the front, a single heart drawn beside his name. Of course, he opened it. Read it, lamented, complained to himself about why a girl would like a guy with no plans of sticking around, complained again about the thought of sharing him with someone, and then sat there in his seat, reading and rereading the letter to the best of his ability. As if rewriting his reaction in his head. A good little brother would tell him, you should just go for it. Live a little. He's pretty sure that's what he told him. It feels so long ago, namely because that was the same day he met Pochita.
Was there someone else in the classroom back then?
Denji passes Komine the sweet potato she'd been inspecting for a few long seconds, asking her: ] Is that a bad thing?
[ She blinks up at him, then rests her gaze upon the offering, the corners of her lips lifting subtly. She smiles at him, pleased, graciously accepting it, accepting the other vegetables Denji promptly deposits in her arms. Accepting his kindness.
"No. I think my favorite thing about other people is when they live freely like that."
The conversation maintains its course with Denji struggling to make sense of some of things she says, but enjoying her interest, anyway. Lighting up each time her eyes brush over his face; it almost feels like he's floating on a cloud and not freezing his ass waiting for their turn to roast their pickings. She tells him about the type of paintings she displayed during this year's festival, how it gives her joy to capture the present in all its abundant sincerity. A single moment, still and unblemished. He kind of gets it, brings up the comparison of photography and how his sister has loads of photos of her cat for similar reasons, but changes the topic when he notices her expression waning — ]
Look, they're leaving.
[ Pointing out that the soccer boys have cleared from the grill, Denji rushes them both over before anyone else can steal into the opening. In contrast to Komine's much fuller arms, Denji carries with him a halved piece of eggplant and a few mushrooms. ]
Yo. There room for us?
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[It's so obvious he's watching them that one of the other boys points it out. "You're staring, dude," they say, and Aki tears his eyes away from Denji and the girl standing near the produce. He prods at one of the eggplants and tells himself there's no actual reason to his annoyance. That, if Denji is going to make friends with someone, she's not exactly the worst choice. She's just a weirdo. Always quiet and has her head down. Draws or something, he thinks - Honestly, he doesn't really pay her any attention ever. She's not his type, after all. Or Denji's.]
["You're staring," the boy repeats, and Aki lowers his gaze again. Annoyed. "Whatever. Hey, let's go get something from the vending machine." The two of them head off as Aki is left to sulk by the fire, but no sooner are they gone when a new pair of shadows hover over him.]
Oh... Yeah. [Aki nods, reaching over to grab some of the newspaper to hand to them both.] Here, wrap them up. You remember how, right? Make sure you make it all equal, don't ball it up or anything, or it won't cook as well. Komine, you -
["I know how," she mutters, taking some of the newspaper as she squats down to begin wrapping her vegetables. Aki doesn't respond outright, mostly because he's more focused on Denji. If she knows how, then she doesn't need help. So he's good to just ignore her. Since she's kind of a weirdo, anyway. What was she even talking to Denji about? She's so quiet all the time that he can't imagine her being much for conversation...]
I'll put them on the coals, let me take them. [He reaches out toward Denji once his items are wrapped, but he frowns when he feels his hands during the trade-off.] ...You're too cold. Go inside and get a scarf or something.
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[ Squinting down at his hands in concentration, he carefully folds the pages of his newspaper around the eggplant in uneven angles. His brow twitches. He opens the paper back up again, about to start over, until his fingers pause.
Even though Denji's reading ability still lags behind most kids his age, and even though he constantly mixes up the kanji for words like brain and worries, it doesn't chafe him that much. Really, he'd rather not have to wrack his brain worrying about the layers of meanings and double-meanings in this language; if he had it his way, he'd go his life just interpreting things based on pictures and instinct. But Aki rarely approves of his perspective on literacy, so sometimes he'll point out to a word or a series of phrases, or ask him for the stroke order of something, and that's probably how he's managed to grow a serviceable vocabulary. Enough to be able to scan a column of a newspaper and read that the investigation into the zombie attack is still underway, that a specially assembled team from Tokyo is expected to soon join the effort to resolve the situation. ]
Hm. [ Oh, well — Denji crimps the folds together once again, still not all symmetrical, but he holds it out to Aki, anyway, a self-satisfied grin pulling at his cheeks. ] Look, I did it! [ Thee expression doesn't last, a dumbfounded look quickly replacing it as Aki tells him to adjust his state of dress. Not exactly helping his case, Denji rubs at the wet tip of his nose. ] But I'm…
[ He looks to Komine. She's still finishing up her veggies since her pile outnumbers Denji's. Meaning, it doesn't look she'll be going anywhere anytime soon.
Denji passes on the rest of his roast to Aki, backing away while still facing him, silently mouthing to his brother: Don't let her go anywhere before I can ask for her number, a'right? And then he turns, heading for the stairs. ]
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["You can have mine."]
[The interruption comes just as Denji is mouthing his (to Aki) unreadable order, from Komine's spot squatted on the ground. Handing off one of the rolled up vegetables to Aki, she uses her freed hands to unravel the scarf around her neck and offers that out to Denji in turn. It's not one of their school uniform scarfs, rather a purple one with little pom poms on each end. Aki's brows crease.]
It's just upstairs. You don't need to -- ["It's fine," she interrupts, her head ducked back down as she holds out the scarf, a few inches away from the barbecue pit. "I want him to have it."]
[Aki could think to see a red flag in this, how she only just met him and already wants to give him something like this, but instead he feels a wash of annoyance pass over him. How Denji is going to be talking about this scarf for the next six weeks and asking Aki to recite exactly what she said to him when she offered it out and probably recounting the smell of her shampoo in the fabric... He makes a noncommittal sort of noise and turns his attention away, setting the poorly-covered eggplant against the coals.]
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Honestly, it itches; it's not dense enough to truly warm his neck; it's got a too-strawberry scent stitched into its folds that overwhelms his senses upon inhale. It's also not something Denji questions. He drops his face into the scarf, scratching his blushing cheeks all over with the fabric. ]
Oh my god. It's real.
[ Crap, what type of expression should he make? Then again, he kind of already expressed himself plenty just now — but, well, Komine isn't even looking at him, so it's fine. Maybe.
…Wait, what did he say just now? ]
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[ "You don't have to. We're friends from now on, so I'd like you to keep it."
Coming from anyone else, it could have been a warmly stated response. From Komine, the same bland intonation carries forth, like she's tired that she has to continue the conversation after already saying her piece. Not sure how to take the contradictory messaging, Denji simply grins through it, nodding furiously, promising to take care of the scarf until the end of his days.
Slipping to Aki, he nudges an elbow against his arm, trying to subtly (for Denji) capture his attention, his voice lowered into a whisper: ] Aki, feel it — it's real!
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[Aki watches the exchange with a growing annoyance pricking his brow.]
[From the way Denji's fingers wrap around the fabric, how he palms the pompoms and bounces them in his hands, to the way he shoves his whole face into the depths of it... That's one thing. But it's Komine, herself, who Aki doesn't trust. If this is some kind of bullying thing, or what kind of meaning this would have, otherwise. Girls don't just give stuff like this to boys. Aki would know. He learned that early on, that anything given is a desire for something in return. And Denji - Denji's just too stupid to recognize it. That, even if he doesn't give two shits about her, even if he's just caught up in the feeling of a girl paying attention to him, that it comes with a cost.]
[He sighs when Denji slips away from her and toward him, instead, loud enough to be heard far above his whispering. Feel what? he could monotone in response, annoyance in his tone, a warning like a monkey baring its teeth. But he only prods at some of the rolled-up vegetables with a stick, doing his best to show him the truth: that it shouldn't be a big deal. That the bigger of a deal he makes it out to be, the worse his eventual fall is going to hurt.]
[He never really liked Komine, he realizes. Doesn't like how she clings to the treasurer and follows her around sometimes, not catching the hint that she wasn't welcome in official meetings. Doesn't like the way she avoids looking at Aki directly, how she frowns if he mentions Public Safety or his goal after graduation. Hell, she never even talks about herself that much, just silently judges everyone else.]
[...He's being petty, he notes, but doesn't let himself see the sickly and sticky jealousy coating that feeling.]
Keep your jacket buttoned up. I don't want to hear you sneezing tonight.
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Can'tcha react better than that, nearly slips past his lips, but he holds his tongue to the roof of his mouth, presses up like a blockade. But it doesn't squash down the thoughts from congesting in his head, because, seriously, is it that hard? He doesn't have to think it's anything special or worth celebrating, but he could at least play along. He could at least be happy for him. It's not as if Denji was psyched to hear about Aki's first kiss once he and his friends thought he was out of earshot, or to have to go digging through Aki's things to learn someone was crushing on him, but he was curious about it. Interested. Maybe if Aki let him in on the secret, they could have — bonded. Talked about it, laughed it off. Whatever it is that brothers do over that sort of thing. Not that he would know seeing as Aki always refuses him that experience.
His eyes shift off, landing back on the crouched girl, a little less than half of her vegetables finished evenly browning over the flames. Denji's fingers shovel underneath Komine's scarf to click his jacket buttons together. ]
…Jokes on you. Haven't sneezed once today, [ he mutters, sniffing up a drop of snot. Then, swinging his gaze back at him, his volume rises up, snippily: ] How 'bout you stop standing so close to the fire, huh. Before even joining Public Safety, you're gonna get sick and ugly with that thing smokers get. Cancer, whatever —
[ "Are you done?" Komine's voice shoots over Denji's own. Her face is half-arched over her shoulder, staring up at them both. She's a little cute like that. ]
Uh, am I? [ He looks to Aki, first, the inclination to redirect downward to inspect his food coming a second later. He did have a lesser haul than his counterpart. ] I mean — probably in a little? I got started after you, so…
[ "But you'll still finish before me," she points out. ]
…Looks like it.
[ "Maybe you should go wait over there at the table once Hayakawa-kun is finished, and then I can come to you." Denji follows along with her line of sight. The others, including the treasurer, seem to have scuttled off to another corner of the area to watch Power perform tricks with the cat. Komine's next few words come to him just as the picture of them sitting across from one another, giggling and playing footsie under the table, forms in his mind: "We can eat together." ]
Ohhh… Yeah, okay. [ Expression unstirred, Denji cups his hands together, holding them out to his brother. ] Aki, plate me up.
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[It's not hard to get into a snippy argument like this with Denji over something stupid, and Aki even opens his mouth to tell him that this isn't the kind of smoke that rots your bones and gives you cancer or whatever, it's a totally different kind of smoke, but then Komine speaks up and, whether intentional or not, knocks the wind out of his sails and the words with it.]
[He's not actually mad at Denji. He didn't do anything, after all. So there's no actual reason to be annoyed with him or upset or whatever - so he tells himself, poking at one of the newspaper-wrapped potatoes and watching the steam gush out from the hole. He's still not fond of Denji getting close with someone kind of off-kilter like Komine, still thinks she isn't quite the best influence on him, but...]
[But then he thinks back to a couple days ago and how she had spoken about the guy who had died, that her seat wasn't far from him. That, maybe, she's lonely and wants someone to talk to who isn't so awkward around her, or considering her feelings so seriously. Someone who isn't going to treat her differently and, in fact, has his own reasons for people to treat him with kid gloves, as well. Maybe that's why she's decided to talk to him today, Aki thinks. Maybe she's suffering just like the rest of them.]
[So Aki doesn't respond with any more snark or cold words, simply scoops up a few of the vegetables that have the tell-tale Denji wrapping and flips them over to set the less-hot side in his palms.]
Here. Go on and eat, and tell Power to come get something, too.
[And then he waits for Denji to head off, for him to move over to the larger group, at the small picnic table set up in front of the complex. He tests Komine's next, but the thicker root vegetables take an extra minute or so, and she doesn't seem keen on moving just yet, so he speaks up.]
He had a rough day yesterday, so - I mean, I'm sure he appreciates getting his mind off things.
[She doesn't say anything in response and Aki thinks maybe she didn't hear him, or maybe she's ignoring him, but a couple minutes later when he mentions her things should be ready she puts her gloved hands out for him, her eyes fogged by the smoke and heat covering her glasses.]
["Thanks for setting this up," she says as he places them carefully into her hands. "It's nice to see everyone." Aki nods as she gets up and heads over to Denji, figuring that's about as normal as the conversations he has with her tend to be.]
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