what i desire most, what i fear most

[digestate]

we can just treat this as our misc csm cupboard 💕

Comments

💢📳

[damngun]

[It's not a good day when he hears about something Denji has done from a teacher's gossip instead of another student's. Usually someone will tip him off if he's making a mess of something or getting into fights and Aki can step in before it gets too bad. But this time... This time, it's something that's already occurred, is far more lasting, and far more deserving of a long-term punishment. The main question is, how hard does Aki push without fully crushing him under the weight of his judgment?]

[He was never good at deciding how much pressure is too much.]

I heard you got a 13 out of 100 on your math midterm.

Tell me how you're going to improve your study habits before finals or I'll feed you nothing but bell peppers until you graduate.

[Which may as well be forever, at the rate Denji is going.]

🤳🚮

[digestate]

[ He can't say that he wasn't anticipating Aki's follow-up messages after disastrously bombing that entire section of trigonometric functions — not to mention, giving up entirely on the pie-something theorem and doodling suspiciously phallic-looking carrots for most of his answers — but wow, he sounds mad. Mad mad.

Denji nudges Power’s arm, stealing her attention away from the fake tube of blood she’s inspecting; they’d made plans to coordinate their costumes for some of celebrations scheduled later that month. He shows her the text conversation, which starts to elicit a cackle of villainous laughter from her until he mentions that she might be at risk of eating the peppers with him. Power pales.

Minutes later, what Aki receives is an earnest idea conceived by rubbing the brains of two numbskulls together. ]

ill tell the guy next to me if he shares his answers ill let em sit on me for only 50 yen

[ Free of charge would be too much! Aki should understand that. ]

[damngun]

[Of course it all boils down to cheating. Does he know who he's talking to? Aki would take this very text message to the disciplinary committee if he needed to... But he doesn't. Just furiously types his reply.]

I'll make you sleep in Meowy's travel crate if you even try that. No cheating, no stealing.

How did you even manage a 13??? What did you get RIGHT?

[Start with the positives or whatever.]

[digestate]

travel crate?! not even her actual bed???

[ Meowy doesn't even use her cat bed most of the time, snuggling into any open crook on someone's mattress depending on who she's favoring that night. This is injustice! And also the most upsetting part of this conversation to him. Bell peppers, sure, fine. His sleep?? DUDE. ]

ughhhh i dunnooo i barely remember what the hell was covered

maybe the circle stuff i did kinda alright on cuz some of the problms looked like uhhhhhhh yknow

[ Don't make him say it… ]

[damngun]

You've never even seen a real boob, you don't know what they look like.

[Power's breast pads don't count.]

Tonight I'll make you calculate the area of the travel crate, to start.

[digestate]

shuddup you dont KNOW that

[ He hasn't. But still. How much difference could there be from his imagination and the real thing… Anyway, Denji immediately outs himself by continuing on to say: ]

and youve never seen one either!!! youd tell me

man i bet youre just picking on me cuz of this morning

[damngun]

You'll be punished for that separately.

[Extremely stupid of him to bring that up when Aki is already mad.]

Whether or not I've seen them, I wouldn't tell you. I'm not a pervert like you who would tell everyone I know.

[He has never seen a boob.]

Also you still need to tell me how you're going to improve this without cheating. I don't want you to have to take summer school again I can't handle Power on my own in the summer.

[digestate]

cant ya say that youll miss seeing my face around as often like a normal person…

[ He really has no basis to be this cheeky when he's in so much trouble. Leave it to Denji not to read the room. ]

fine fine!! have it your way killjoy

ill just ask the teach if she can tutor me during lunch. shes pretty hot

[ n…Implying that's the only reason he doesn't mind have his free time infringed upon. ]

happy?

[damngun]

[Teacher... Oh, no, no, no. Aki knows exactly what teacher he's thinking of. He'll spend more time calculating the curvature of her ass than doing any of his homework.]

You shouldn't bother a teacher during her lunch period.

[He thinks he's being obvious about this, but maybe he needs to push harder...? Ahh, it's such a pain with this kid. He's so dense in some ways yet so intuitive in others.]

I'm older than you, you know. I already took that class.

1/2

[digestate]

[ Oh. Ohhh, okay. So he's offering. Aki's smart and usually pretty good at explaining conceptual stuff in a way he can understand. Also, he might make them snacks! ]

2/2

[digestate]

[ But. ]

youre busy tho

dont you have the public safety exam thing to study for?

[damngun]

I'll be ten times as busy if you fail out of high school.

[...He didn't really want to put it like that. He hurries to send another text.]

Not that I think youre going to fail out I just mean you cant take this stuff lightly

[Okay. That sounds better.]

[digestate]

if i failed

would that mean you wouldnt be able to go to tokyo?

[ Just curious. This definitely isn't him taking his education lightly seconds after Aki told him not to, nor is it him being inconsiderate of the goals Aki's been steadily nurturing since their days picking fights with one another at the orphanage. Ha ha ha… ]

[damngun]

[...Damn it. He didn't want to put this kind of pressure on him.]

Schools in Tokyo are harder to get into. You have to study hard to keep up.

[That's not really true. The issue is that the school he's been working on getting Denji and Power ready for transfer into thanks to the proximity to Public Safety requires a certain kind of student. It's nothing that either of them can't achieve. But if Denji keeps fucking up like this... Then what does he do, send them all the way to another ward for classes? But even so, he still doesn't want to pressure him that badly. Especially since he never even went to school before Aki was able to get them out of the orphanage in the first place.]

If you had to commute all the way back here every day to keep going to this school because you need to take year one math again, I'd just make you live here by yourself.

[He wouldn't. He never would. But he hopes saying that will make Denji think about his plans a little better.]

[digestate]

[ He'd take Power and Meowy, and just… go? It's just a hypothetical, he's bluffing, someone should call him out on his bluff, he internally insists — to who, himself?

Briefly, he glances up in time to catch Power trying to haggle down some magical girl prop with the store clerk, wildly gesticulating to punctuate whatever nonsense it is she's spewing this time. She's always so feisty and loud, would Denji miss her? His buddy-in-crime, his ever unparalleled Powy? At the same time, he thinks about coming home to an empty apartment, without someone already having run the laundry before he arrived, no sticky notes on the fridge with instructions on how high to heat up dinner, no one to steal shirts to wear to bed from.

Denji's reply doesn't come immediately, since he has to step in to help talk Power down from leaping over the counter, but when it does, all it reads is: ]

fine. you win

i dont wanna be by myself

[damngun]

[He shouldn't feel guilty. Denji knows this is important to him, and he knows the sacrifices Aki has made to make sure this all happens exactly how he wants it to. Weekend jobs, posing as an adult to get more hours, maintaining a perfect track record so nothing will come up during his interviews with Public Safety... All while making sure Denji and Power have a full dinner every night and a roof over their heads. He shouldn't feel guilty about asking Denji to actually study and try hard to make sure it doesn't drag Aki backward. Their situation isn't unique, not in a world with people dying from devils every day. But...]

I'm just kidding about making you live out here alone

[...But if he had to delay everything for either of them, he would.]

Just ask me for help instead of making it harder on yourself. I know you don't want to sit around doing math problem sets all weekend.

[digestate]

[ you were just joking? you mean it? you realy really really mean it?? is what he types at first, needing reassurance, wanting to hear it straight from the source. But before he presses send, Denji pauses. Breathes in. Out. Then, furiously backspaces. Aki wouldn't lie to him; he's always made plans with Denji and Power in tow. The three of them have been a set unit for longer than he cares to remember, and he has faith that wherever Aki goes, however Aki changes and grows up out of Denji's sight, they'll be together. He does.

He taps call, anyway. ]

[damngun]

[If he knows Denji, he knows he's calling to ask him to repeat that out loud, to say what he wants to hear one more time so he knows he really means it. He's such a needy kid. Aki stares down at the call screen and sighs heavily before answering.]

Denji. [He sounds tired. Vaguely annoyed.] I'm not going to leave you to do math here for two more years while Power and I go to Tokyo.

[digestate]

[ Aki knows Denji very well. That's absolutely why he called. ]

I'm not calling 'cause of that! [ A bicycle bell trills, and Denji waves a hand at Power, motioning for her to move aside to let the cyclist wheel by without accident. ] I'm not dumb. [ He is, though, in various ways. This is one of them. ] Obviously, you were joking! Ha ha ha, funny! I just, I wanted to know —

[ A long whuff of air comes from his nose. ]

…Are you coming home late again?

[damngun]

[Aki frowns. He stares down at the student council documents in front of him. Mostly devil reports from near their school.]

I thought we talked about this. [Did he forget to mention it this morning...? Their mornings are such a blur lately, he doesn't know.] Not as late as last night. I'm helping out the student council again, but it shouldn't take as long. I already chopped everything up, you just have to melt the roux and cook it for a bit. [They've had curry a lot lately but it's just easy to prep for and have Denji make when he gets home.] You remember how much water to add this time, right?

[digestate]

[ It's hard to catch. Would probably be more noticeable if Aki could see the scrunch iron out from Denji's brow, expression easing into something more neutral, maybe even slightly disappointed judging by how his voice drops an octave lower. ]

Oh. Nope.

[ He could probably figure it out on his own, though. He'd added too much last time, making the mixture all watery and bland, so… ]

Less is more, right? Piece of cake.

[damngun]

[When Denji doesn't talk much, Aki can tell he's not in a good mood. He frowns down at the papers, tapping his fingers on the surface.]

Just do a cup. If you need to add more, you can - but start with a cup.

[Ugh, it's so annoying. Denji's supposed to be in trouble! He's not supposed to baby him. He should be telling him he doesn't get dinner or something. Aki taps a little faster, frowning.]

And I meant it, about Meowy's travel crate.

[digestate]

[ A cup, he files away. Simple enough. It's just water. Although there's a devilish bug in his ear asking him if it has to be water or if they can experiment with something that tastes better. Like soda or chocolate milk. He'll confer with Power later.

As for the threat Aki keeps hanging over his head. ]

Whatever! You can try all you want, s'not like I'll actually fit. I'm almost as tall as you now.

[ Denji swears all he needs is another year or so, then boom. ]

…But fine, I'll crack open my practice book, so… Uh… [ Can he ask him to come home sooner? No, right? The volunteer stuff he does for the student council sounds important, or at least he always makes it out to be. ] I'm hanging up now.

[damngun]

You are, are you.

[Aki sounds a little wryly amused at that. Denji's probably not going to reach him in height, which is fine by Aki. The day he actually has to look up at him is the day he cuts him at the ankles.]

Alright. And - You can leave the dishes in the sink and I'll clean them, but at least put soap on them when you have them soak. And don't let Power have the soda in the fridge, that's for the weekend. [He pauses, trying to think if there's anything else, then decides there isn't.] ...I'll see you tonight. Be safe getting home.

[digestate]

Okay. [ Pause. ] Okay. [ Pause. ] Yeah, okay. [ …is what Denji answers with at any interval he can between Aki's instructions. Having noticed his distraction, Power uses the shoulder nearest to where he's speaking into the receiver as a chinrest, her jaw rolling back and forth, kneading painfully into the tendon. "Oi, oi, Denji, share my greetings and farewells with the likes of that topknot human! The Miraculous Blood Lapis Power demands it!" ]

Owww! [ Denji presses his entire full-sized hand against her face, shoving back. ] Stop that, Powy — and shut up, I told you that name was dumb! Your taste in anime is lame as hell.

[ An aggravated sigh. Then, back to Aki: ] Power says hi. And bye. [ He sucks on his upper lip, gnawing a little, before he finishes off with a — ] You too. [ — be safe, before ending the call.

The two of them mosey back to their apartment, which is probably some form of subsidized housing granted to them through lottery or whatever hoops Aki had to jump through. They make dinner, one plate using a single cup of soda (just one cup, the rest of the can placed back into the fridge) and the other plate with a cup of water (as was the proper way). Through a game of jan-ken-pon, the two of them decide who gets which and, perhaps as expected, Denji loses. He plugs the drain to the sink, and in the dishes go. He squirts the dish soap in the drawing of a happy face that quickly dissolves underwater, but Aki might still see the outline of it when he gets home.

Aki might also see Denji snoring face-first into his practice book at the table. He tried, okay? ]