[Soleum suggests he has a hard time saying no to him, and for the first time, even after getting smacked by a door, snapped at by Jaekwan, fighting hard to keep up a calm demeanor throughout this discussion... he frowns.]
[Choi's eyes fall to the grape ade, staring at it when it's set down on the table. He did give it to him despite his refusal over text, and he did goad him into coming here, into having this discussion against his wishes... And Jaekwan, it's clear he was fine with leaving sleeping dogs lie based on what he said before, but...]
[But, what? The simple fact of the matter is that he's selfish, right? That he wants to have his cake even when every crumb has been devoured. He wants Soleum and Jaekwan beside him, doesn't want to surrender that. The agents' lives come first, and even if he'll gladly risk his own hide to save one more civilian from peril, he'd never do it if it meant either of them getting hurt instead. Isn't he just selfish as hell?]
[But it's the "personal issue" line that gives him pause. If he's selfish, then Soleum... What is he? He's a little cagey, often refuses to reveal his entire hand until the last moment. He has so much going on that they can't even begin to imagine. But he's caring, too. There's a reason he passed the agent exam, that he wasn't knocked out by the Truth Breathing Machine. There's something pure in him. He wants to save people. He wants to do this work. Even if Choi has his suspicions about his allegiances, he's never suspected that he wasn't honest about that.]
[So the personal issue... It's what he said over text, right? The smile comes back, but it's not carefree or pasted on to allow for an air of calm. It's the kind of smile when someone finally admits there's a deeper pain that you knew they were hiding. He's a little relieved, to hear the same excuse repeated. He's not digging up random reasons to deny them. They must be at the bottom of his well.]
I told you, right? This doesn't have to mean anything... but there's still a greater meaning to it.
[Jaekwan's brows furrow, clearly not understanding what Choi means by that... but it's okay. He'll make a diagram for him later.]
Even if we can't solve your problems, we can still help you carry them.
[ The meaning behind the meaning that has no meaning. It's obvious, in a way. So obvious, it divulges a truth that settles as an awkward weight on his heart: He's saying it for his benefit.
If the point is the pleasure of it, the comfort of being allowed to touch your hand to someone else's and have their fingers tighten and pull around you. Someone you care about. Someone who cares about you in return, to a lesser, or greater, or indeterminable extent… That can be meaning enough. Emotionally, it doesn't have to evolve past that, is what the agent is saying. What he and Jaekwan are offering to Soleum. He understands that.
Still, the muscles in his cheeks tense with the compulsion to wince, but in glimpsing Agent Choi's own expression, what he can only read as a sort of openness to, well, whatever Soleum decides, to reject them or not, he compromises by looking fairly scorned. As if he's just been gently reminded his annual workplace conduct training is a day overdue. Which isn't meant to make him feel guilty, but the kindness of it is nearly potent enough to rattle him into surrendering. Soleum rubs at his wrist, pressing against the tattoo seared there, hidden to the naked eye. Just one thing of everything else he can't explain to the people in front of him.
They're not asking me to, Soleum clarifies in his own mind. The thing is, when you welcome others to see a confidential part of you, to file it away in their own understanding of who you are, where does it stop? Where do you? That's the piece he isn't confident in. Himself, and what he'll want, given the chance to want. He's only human, after all.
Neglecting to answer for a time, he softly lets out a breath. His escapes the conversation at hand with a glance toward the kitchen area. ]
…If it isn't any trouble, could I have a glass of water, please? [ He starts to push up off from his knees. ] I can fetch it myself if you tell me which cabinet.
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[Choi's eyes fall to the grape ade, staring at it when it's set down on the table. He did give it to him despite his refusal over text, and he did goad him into coming here, into having this discussion against his wishes... And Jaekwan, it's clear he was fine with leaving sleeping dogs lie based on what he said before, but...]
[But, what? The simple fact of the matter is that he's selfish, right? That he wants to have his cake even when every crumb has been devoured. He wants Soleum and Jaekwan beside him, doesn't want to surrender that. The agents' lives come first, and even if he'll gladly risk his own hide to save one more civilian from peril, he'd never do it if it meant either of them getting hurt instead. Isn't he just selfish as hell?]
[But it's the "personal issue" line that gives him pause. If he's selfish, then Soleum... What is he? He's a little cagey, often refuses to reveal his entire hand until the last moment. He has so much going on that they can't even begin to imagine. But he's caring, too. There's a reason he passed the agent exam, that he wasn't knocked out by the Truth Breathing Machine. There's something pure in him. He wants to save people. He wants to do this work. Even if Choi has his suspicions about his allegiances, he's never suspected that he wasn't honest about that.]
[So the personal issue... It's what he said over text, right? The smile comes back, but it's not carefree or pasted on to allow for an air of calm. It's the kind of smile when someone finally admits there's a deeper pain that you knew they were hiding. He's a little relieved, to hear the same excuse repeated. He's not digging up random reasons to deny them. They must be at the bottom of his well.]
I told you, right? This doesn't have to mean anything... but there's still a greater meaning to it.
[Jaekwan's brows furrow, clearly not understanding what Choi means by that... but it's okay. He'll make a diagram for him later.]
Even if we can't solve your problems, we can still help you carry them.
no subject
If the point is the pleasure of it, the comfort of being allowed to touch your hand to someone else's and have their fingers tighten and pull around you. Someone you care about. Someone who cares about you in return, to a lesser, or greater, or indeterminable extent… That can be meaning enough. Emotionally, it doesn't have to evolve past that, is what the agent is saying. What he and Jaekwan are offering to Soleum. He understands that.
Still, the muscles in his cheeks tense with the compulsion to wince, but in glimpsing Agent Choi's own expression, what he can only read as a sort of openness to, well, whatever Soleum decides, to reject them or not, he compromises by looking fairly scorned. As if he's just been gently reminded his annual workplace conduct training is a day overdue. Which isn't meant to make him feel guilty, but the kindness of it is nearly potent enough to rattle him into surrendering. Soleum rubs at his wrist, pressing against the tattoo seared there, hidden to the naked eye. Just one thing of everything else he can't explain to the people in front of him.
They're not asking me to, Soleum clarifies in his own mind. The thing is, when you welcome others to see a confidential part of you, to file it away in their own understanding of who you are, where does it stop? Where do you? That's the piece he isn't confident in. Himself, and what he'll want, given the chance to want. He's only human, after all.
Neglecting to answer for a time, he softly lets out a breath. His escapes the conversation at hand with a glance toward the kitchen area. ]
…If it isn't any trouble, could I have a glass of water, please? [ He starts to push up off from his knees. ] I can fetch it myself if you tell me which cabinet.