[Instead of giving a response, Soleum deflects. Moves onto another topic, something that places him as a temporary guest in the situation. Someone who won't even rummage around his kitchen to get himself some water. Agent Choi's smile grows wan.]
Of course.
[He motions for him to stay where he is, getting to his feet and moving to the kitchen. He opens a cabinet to find a clean glass and adds some ice from the freezer before filling it with water. Jaekwan sits back and takes a slow drink. He has the terrible feeling that this entire situation is his own fault.]
Soleum-ah.
[Choi is back not a moment later, offering out the glass to Soleum, but he doesn't actually let go of it. He has a question first, one he's never bothered to ask but feels pertinent right now.]
Are you afraid?
[Is that part of it? Is he afraid of them - or rather, of the situation they've put him in? Admitting your fear isn't a sin like it is in that black company, but Choi knows it's still a loaded question. He asks gently, hoping the atmosphere of his home will help alleviate the tension.]
Jaekwan's affection can be overwhelming, right? But you know it's not from a place of wanting to tie you down.
[ It turns out, it doesn't matter that Agent Choi doesn't let go. His fingertips have only tapped the glass for hardly a countable amount of seconds before his hand has whipped back. Perhaps this wasn't the intended effect by posing that question, but it does manage to dispel some of Soleum's restraint. ]
Bronze-nim isn't — [ Soleum shoots a look at Agent Bronze, brow furrowed like he might apologize or ask if he that's how he truly feels. If his rejection has implied anything of the sort. He bites his tongue. ] It's not that. Please don't think it's that. It's… [ His head shakes, Soleum turning his gaze back to the wringing hands in his lap. ]
There's nothing wrong with anyone's… affection.
[ Water held hostage by his superior, his throat cracks dryly around that very last word. But he still says it, still tries to sweep past his own hard-to-understand worries, like carefully trimming out the excess, unnecessary fat of a raw cut of meat. ]
I'm just not suitable to receive any of it.
[ How many reasons has he supplied them in the last 24 hours? What's one more? ]
As a regular subordinate, I'm already attached to this team. I already don't want to imagine the worst that could happen, what mistakes I could make that might come back around to either of you. Adding in the kind of thing you're interested in… It'll make my feelings even more unbearable.
[Already annoyed by Agent Choi using him as a means of deflection, Jaekwan is startled with the way Soleum responds in kind, flustered and anxious. He opens his mouth to say something harsh at Choi to alleviate the tension but Soleum's excuse comes out before he can do more than give him a harsh look. His eyes immediately sweep straight back to him, now shocked at the reasoning he's decided to give.]
What does -
[And then he goes on, explains some crackpot reason as to why he isn't suitable to receive affection from either of them, that it will end up with Soleum even more overcome by apparent feelings he already has... Huh?? Clear from his expression, Jaekwan can't imagine how any of that would matter.]
Soleum-ssi... You don't really believe that, do you?
[Choi has surrendered the water to him if he still tries to accept it - but otherwise doesn't speak, allowing Jaekwan to take a whack at this.]
Wouldn't it be worse for you if you had to smother those thoughts rather than allow them to breathe? No matter what, our relationships will continue to develop - It's only natural to feel a connection with your team... There's no shame in returning that feeling.
[Raising a hand to point at Agent Choi, he suddenly adds,] As cruel as it may be to hear me say it so bluntly, the two of us would risk our lives for you. What we do in private does not change that fact.
[So tough luck - either be smothered or at least get comfortable in the feeling.]
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Of course.
[He motions for him to stay where he is, getting to his feet and moving to the kitchen. He opens a cabinet to find a clean glass and adds some ice from the freezer before filling it with water. Jaekwan sits back and takes a slow drink. He has the terrible feeling that this entire situation is his own fault.]
Soleum-ah.
[Choi is back not a moment later, offering out the glass to Soleum, but he doesn't actually let go of it. He has a question first, one he's never bothered to ask but feels pertinent right now.]
Are you afraid?
[Is that part of it? Is he afraid of them - or rather, of the situation they've put him in? Admitting your fear isn't a sin like it is in that black company, but Choi knows it's still a loaded question. He asks gently, hoping the atmosphere of his home will help alleviate the tension.]
Jaekwan's affection can be overwhelming, right? But you know it's not from a place of wanting to tie you down.
no subject
[ It turns out, it doesn't matter that Agent Choi doesn't let go. His fingertips have only tapped the glass for hardly a countable amount of seconds before his hand has whipped back. Perhaps this wasn't the intended effect by posing that question, but it does manage to dispel some of Soleum's restraint. ]
Bronze-nim isn't — [ Soleum shoots a look at Agent Bronze, brow furrowed like he might apologize or ask if he that's how he truly feels. If his rejection has implied anything of the sort. He bites his tongue. ] It's not that. Please don't think it's that. It's… [ His head shakes, Soleum turning his gaze back to the wringing hands in his lap. ]
There's nothing wrong with anyone's… affection.
[ Water held hostage by his superior, his throat cracks dryly around that very last word. But he still says it, still tries to sweep past his own hard-to-understand worries, like carefully trimming out the excess, unnecessary fat of a raw cut of meat. ]
I'm just not suitable to receive any of it.
[ How many reasons has he supplied them in the last 24 hours? What's one more? ]
As a regular subordinate, I'm already attached to this team. I already don't want to imagine the worst that could happen, what mistakes I could make that might come back around to either of you. Adding in the kind of thing you're interested in… It'll make my feelings even more unbearable.
no subject
What does -
[And then he goes on, explains some crackpot reason as to why he isn't suitable to receive affection from either of them, that it will end up with Soleum even more overcome by apparent feelings he already has... Huh?? Clear from his expression, Jaekwan can't imagine how any of that would matter.]
Soleum-ssi... You don't really believe that, do you?
[Choi has surrendered the water to him if he still tries to accept it - but otherwise doesn't speak, allowing Jaekwan to take a whack at this.]
Wouldn't it be worse for you if you had to smother those thoughts rather than allow them to breathe? No matter what, our relationships will continue to develop - It's only natural to feel a connection with your team... There's no shame in returning that feeling.
[Raising a hand to point at Agent Choi, he suddenly adds,] As cruel as it may be to hear me say it so bluntly, the two of us would risk our lives for you. What we do in private does not change that fact.
[So tough luck - either be smothered or at least get comfortable in the feeling.]