[He doesn't move beyond the fixed post he's become, only bent to meet Soleum's comparable height, so there's no reason for Soleum to grasp him in turn. Again - as he thought. This is closer to his memory of that night. Not the standoffishness he's somewhat used to of his junior, but a little more enthusiasm, a little less holding back. His lips part and - that, he didn't expect, his own parting in acceptance of the deepening move, warmth burning his cheeks brighter...]
[And it ends. He's released. Moved away from. Jaekwan stares across at him, a step away from one another.]
That's all I asked for.
[In other words, it's Soleum's move. He can leave. He can stay. Or they can both go inside and act like nothing at all is happening. With the cards all laid out and both of them knowing what's in each other's hand, he doesn't think it's possible for the last option to happen.]
You're... my first hubae. [Don't comment on his enflamed face, currently as red as a cherry, please. There have been people under him before, sure, but not in their team. He's always been the youngest here.] So I do feel it's my duty to ensure you don't make the same kinds of mistakes I've made.
[Soleum is smart - Jaekwan knows he doesn't have to expand on what those mistakes were. He doesn't move to approach him or stop him from running off as he speaks. As always his face is serious and steady - aside from the heat on his cheeks and ears.]
The most important thing I have learned from Agent Choi is to follow your gut. I'd like to ask you to take that same lesson to heart.
[ Still disoriented, he glances back at Jaekwan as he speaks, a loose fist held just to the bottom of his mouth. It's solid advice — Agent Choi is tricky, almost more fox-like than the slyest director he knows. He's… also someone he worries about on a personal level, the same as Jaekwan. That's why he came, to settle matters on good terms, without folding on doing the best thing for everyone. Soleum has only ever wanted their relationship to be a kind, positive one.
So, whatever happens, it's a conversation he has to have. ]
You're a good sunbae, Jaekwan-nim.
[ If Soleum makes any mistakes from hereon, it will be because that's who he is and it's his mistake to make. Not because he had the wrong guidance. An apology very nearly stumbles out for being this kind of frustrating junior, but he keeps the words closed away to avoid another lecture about his good traits. Another steadying breath draws out, then his gaze is moving back behind Jaekwan at the door he'd been waiting beside. Agent Choi's housing unit. ]
I'll be stepping in with you, now, if you're ready. …Are you okay? [ Soleum reaches out toward him again, flattening down some of his hairs with his brushing. ] You don't look well. We should get you back inside — [ A soft self-exasperated haaah. ] I shouldn't have stressed you out. Here, let me take the box for now.
[ Whether or not Jaekwan allows it, they arrive back by Agent Choi's door within a few steps. Soleum sends a nervous look the senior's way, and then presses the doorbell. ]
[But Jaekwan doesn't stop him, despite the way he kind of wants to snatch his hand and yank him into a hug and maybe pat his head a little in return - no. He stands patiently as Soleum strokes down his hair and then allows him to approach the door down the hall.]
[He rings the bell while he's still a few steps away and Jaekwan notes,] It's unlocked. [Then reaches forward to grab the doorknob to push the door open...]
[...and smacks Agent Choi in the face who was holding the knob on the other side.]
Ow, owww... [He laughs, pulling the door open wider and motioning both of them inside.] Come in, hey! Oh, you brought us something? You're always so nice to us, Grapes!
[He invites them into his apartment which is a nice enough size for a single person and has the exact same atmosphere as the Hyunmu 1 waiting room. It's cozy, warm, has a few random knick-knacks and things that probably have much too long of a story attached to them. A few work papers and binders are scattered around on a few surfaces and beside the couch and there are some clothes tossed haphazardly here and there. It's not a messy place but it's lived in. Has a lot of Choi touch to it. There's a couch on one side that looks like it's seen quite a bit of use. The exact location where this all started.]
Come and sit down - I got you that drink, if you want, but you don't have to! [Look at him, being so respectful of boundaries.]
Jaekwan-ie, here, I mixed it for you. [He hands Jaekwan a glass of alcohol, which he takes with a quiet thanks.] How was it? Grapes, did he bully you at all?
[ His concern is perhaps at odds with the too noticeable distance he immediately puts between himself and Agent Choi, passing around him. It's discourteous of him, particularly as he's inside the man's own home, he'll acknowledge that, so to off-set, he takes the agent up on his offer. ]
No… We just chatted about this and that. Is it okay if I fold this?
[ He's already halfway through smoothing out the wrinkles from a few of what he recognizes to be his senior's uniform button-ups, neatly tucking away the sleeves inside the backfold. Moving the stack aside, he takes a seat. Then, a moment later, he takes the grapeade from the table, holding it with both hands between his knees. ]
Um, thank you for the invite. And sorry to keep you waiting. I told sun — [ ah, wait they're both sunbae — ] Bronze-nim this, but the cake slice is for you two to share. It's strawberry cream.
[Soleum zooms past him with hardly a pause and by the time Choi blinks, he's got a box of food in his hand while the guy is across the room doing his laundry. Oh, is this what it's like to have a wife? he thinks to himself, then feels the heat of Jaekwan's gaze.]
[They only exchange glances for a moment, their eyes locking as Jaekwan shuts the door behind himself. Something unspoken passes between them - some kind of communication born from years of working beside each other. Then Jaekwan accepts the drink with a quiet thanks, walking back to the couch.]
Oh... You really got us something to eat? I see you've already found out about your senior's sweet tooth. [From the way he grins as he approaches and the way Jaekwan's flush still hasn't faded from his cheeks, it's impossible to discern which senior he means with that statement. Choi crosses the room to the couch where a small table sits, a couple cushions beneath. He removes one and squats down on it before sitting on the opposite side of the table, crossing his legs on the floor as he trades the box of cake for a can of beer. Jaekwan has taken the seat beside Soleum, a polite distance between them. Choi takes a drink of beer, sets it down, then exhales.]
[ It's probably Agent Choi, but he's seen the tray of candies on Jaekwan's desk — if he had to guess, they'll find a way to split things evenly, or what they consider to be even between the two of them. This was glaringly true the last time the three of them were gathered here, anyway.
Soleum sips at his grapeade, unruffled. When the drink comes away from his mouth, he's nodding, twisting the cap back onto the bottle, as if agreeing that this is the exact question he came to discuss. It's still his every intention to excuse himself after this, so. ]
Yes, about that… Why is having sex with me so important? [ Sex, kissing him, the three of them being close. It feels good, but, even putting aside his crosswired allegiances — ] If we're worried about each other beyond what's professionally acceptable, it complicates the lives of the civilians we're supposed the prioritize in high-risk situations. Maybe you're different, but I'm…
[ He stares at the middle of table, avoiding looking in anyone's direction. After a moment: ] You two have carried on fine without my involvement. The cohesion of the team clearly doesn't depend on me being intimate with either of you.
[A silence comes over the small apartment after Soleum finishes speaking with both men staring at him. Choi is listening attentively, his head inclined as he explains the situation on his end, even as Soleum avoids either of their gazes. Jaekwan isn't as neutral, compared to how he usually is. First, with the sharp look he gave Agent Choi at the bluntness of his question, and then the confused one he gives Soleum at his eventual explanation.]
[Again the two agents' eyes meet, and something unspoken is said. Choi finally nods and sits back.]
The lives of the agents come first, for starters.
[So, that's kind of off topic, in his opinion. Even if Agent Choi is "that guy who always tries to save one more civilian," he does follow the rules when it comes to ranking who should be saved. Neither he nor Jaekwan are thrilled with the concept behind that, but they dutifully perform it despite that.]
I think the reason we're both pushing you - [Jaekwan interrupts with a flat, "I'm not pushing him."] Ah. Well, the reason I'm still pushing you is because it was obvious that you had a lot of fun. Neither of us have seen you like that about anything else. It feels like you're shutting us out because of something greater than... [He makes a vague sort of gesture, searching for the right word.] Workplace professionality. Does that make sense?
[He motions at Jaekwan suddenly, who blinks in surprise. He's not the focus right now, don't look at him when he can't keep the color of his face under control.] Jaekwan-ie, we never did anything like that before, did we? Well, maybe I touched your butt a few times - But it wasn't until Soleum-ah joined the team. It's kind of like... Kind of like we reached a new level of communication.
[Jaekwan doesn't respond, but from his expression he clearly doesn't disagree. Choi looks back at Soleum.]
But, nothing is going to change if you're being serious, but sometimes you'll say something like, "No, I've had enough," and then I'll give you more kkakdugi and you eat the whole serving. Isn't it better to be full than sated?
[Jaekwan looks particularly exhausted by this comparison but says nothing.]
[ The lives of the agents come first, for starters.
It was the wrong thing to say; he said it, anyway, permitting the correction. Offering his senior a lead-in to snap apart Soleum's reasoning like a cheap plastic toy. Hoping it'd cast doubt that a rookie who can't even remember one of the fundamental rules of being an agent could possibly maintain unclouded judgment while — coupling with them. Jaekwan's perspective was punctuated by each account in which Soleum had contributed to the success of the mission, the number of civilians brought home to safety…
But it's still difficult. To bear the affection underlying their rejection of what Soleum tells them without feeling the distinction between him and the agents even more.
Listening on, cool red eyes perch on Agent Choi's form. He has a lot to say — or rather, get off his chest? Is this part of this new level of communication of theirs? He tries to keep eye contact throughout, but at some point, he slips up, his frames tilting down his nose, watching Jaekwan, the wave of his scarred hands, anything else that isn't the cutting clarity in the senior agent's gaze.
When he's done, Soleum has nothing to say for a period. Merely sits there on the edge of the couch, the curve of his spine soldier-straight, unmoving. The seconds tick by until, quietly, a self-deprecating smile rises to his lips. ]
Is it that I'm not filled, or that you're aware I have a hard time saying no to you?
[ Except he's saying no right now, in no small thanks to Jaekwan sharing this propensity with him.
Soleum sets the grapeade aside on the table. He hasn't taken more than a single sip and likely shouldn't take anything further. ]
I've been serious this entire time, sir. Even if part of it has to do with a personal issue, that doesn't… [ No, go for something softer. ] I don't think it's something that can be solved by either of you.
[Soleum suggests he has a hard time saying no to him, and for the first time, even after getting smacked by a door, snapped at by Jaekwan, fighting hard to keep up a calm demeanor throughout this discussion... he frowns.]
[Choi's eyes fall to the grape ade, staring at it when it's set down on the table. He did give it to him despite his refusal over text, and he did goad him into coming here, into having this discussion against his wishes... And Jaekwan, it's clear he was fine with leaving sleeping dogs lie based on what he said before, but...]
[But, what? The simple fact of the matter is that he's selfish, right? That he wants to have his cake even when every crumb has been devoured. He wants Soleum and Jaekwan beside him, doesn't want to surrender that. The agents' lives come first, and even if he'll gladly risk his own hide to save one more civilian from peril, he'd never do it if it meant either of them getting hurt instead. Isn't he just selfish as hell?]
[But it's the "personal issue" line that gives him pause. If he's selfish, then Soleum... What is he? He's a little cagey, often refuses to reveal his entire hand until the last moment. He has so much going on that they can't even begin to imagine. But he's caring, too. There's a reason he passed the agent exam, that he wasn't knocked out by the Truth Breathing Machine. There's something pure in him. He wants to save people. He wants to do this work. Even if Choi has his suspicions about his allegiances, he's never suspected that he wasn't honest about that.]
[So the personal issue... It's what he said over text, right? The smile comes back, but it's not carefree or pasted on to allow for an air of calm. It's the kind of smile when someone finally admits there's a deeper pain that you knew they were hiding. He's a little relieved, to hear the same excuse repeated. He's not digging up random reasons to deny them. They must be at the bottom of his well.]
I told you, right? This doesn't have to mean anything... but there's still a greater meaning to it.
[Jaekwan's brows furrow, clearly not understanding what Choi means by that... but it's okay. He'll make a diagram for him later.]
Even if we can't solve your problems, we can still help you carry them.
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no subject
[And it ends. He's released. Moved away from. Jaekwan stares across at him, a step away from one another.]
That's all I asked for.
[In other words, it's Soleum's move. He can leave. He can stay. Or they can both go inside and act like nothing at all is happening. With the cards all laid out and both of them knowing what's in each other's hand, he doesn't think it's possible for the last option to happen.]
You're... my first hubae. [Don't comment on his enflamed face, currently as red as a cherry, please. There have been people under him before, sure, but not in their team. He's always been the youngest here.] So I do feel it's my duty to ensure you don't make the same kinds of mistakes I've made.
[Soleum is smart - Jaekwan knows he doesn't have to expand on what those mistakes were. He doesn't move to approach him or stop him from running off as he speaks. As always his face is serious and steady - aside from the heat on his cheeks and ears.]
The most important thing I have learned from Agent Choi is to follow your gut. I'd like to ask you to take that same lesson to heart.
no subject
So, whatever happens, it's a conversation he has to have. ]
You're a good sunbae, Jaekwan-nim.
[ If Soleum makes any mistakes from hereon, it will be because that's who he is and it's his mistake to make. Not because he had the wrong guidance. An apology very nearly stumbles out for being this kind of frustrating junior, but he keeps the words closed away to avoid another lecture about his good traits. Another steadying breath draws out, then his gaze is moving back behind Jaekwan at the door he'd been waiting beside. Agent Choi's housing unit. ]
I'll be stepping in with you, now, if you're ready. …Are you okay? [ Soleum reaches out toward him again, flattening down some of his hairs with his brushing. ] You don't look well. We should get you back inside — [ A soft self-exasperated haaah. ] I shouldn't have stressed you out. Here, let me take the box for now.
[ Whether or not Jaekwan allows it, they arrive back by Agent Choi's door within a few steps. Soleum sends a nervous look the senior's way, and then presses the doorbell. ]
1/2
[But Jaekwan doesn't stop him, despite the way he kind of wants to snatch his hand and yank him into a hug and maybe pat his head a little in return - no. He stands patiently as Soleum strokes down his hair and then allows him to approach the door down the hall.]
[He rings the bell while he's still a few steps away and Jaekwan notes,] It's unlocked. [Then reaches forward to grab the doorknob to push the door open...]
no subject
Ow, owww... [He laughs, pulling the door open wider and motioning both of them inside.] Come in, hey! Oh, you brought us something? You're always so nice to us, Grapes!
[He invites them into his apartment which is a nice enough size for a single person and has the exact same atmosphere as the Hyunmu 1 waiting room. It's cozy, warm, has a few random knick-knacks and things that probably have much too long of a story attached to them. A few work papers and binders are scattered around on a few surfaces and beside the couch and there are some clothes tossed haphazardly here and there. It's not a messy place but it's lived in. Has a lot of Choi touch to it. There's a couch on one side that looks like it's seen quite a bit of use. The exact location where this all started.]
Come and sit down - I got you that drink, if you want, but you don't have to! [Look at him, being so respectful of boundaries.]
Jaekwan-ie, here, I mixed it for you. [He hands Jaekwan a glass of alcohol, which he takes with a quiet thanks.] How was it? Grapes, did he bully you at all?
no subject
[ His concern is perhaps at odds with the too noticeable distance he immediately puts between himself and Agent Choi, passing around him. It's discourteous of him, particularly as he's inside the man's own home, he'll acknowledge that, so to off-set, he takes the agent up on his offer. ]
No… We just chatted about this and that. Is it okay if I fold this?
[ He's already halfway through smoothing out the wrinkles from a few of what he recognizes to be his senior's uniform button-ups, neatly tucking away the sleeves inside the backfold. Moving the stack aside, he takes a seat. Then, a moment later, he takes the grapeade from the table, holding it with both hands between his knees. ]
Um, thank you for the invite. And sorry to keep you waiting. I told sun — [ ah, wait they're both sunbae — ] Bronze-nim this, but the cake slice is for you two to share. It's strawberry cream.
no subject
[They only exchange glances for a moment, their eyes locking as Jaekwan shuts the door behind himself. Something unspoken passes between them - some kind of communication born from years of working beside each other. Then Jaekwan accepts the drink with a quiet thanks, walking back to the couch.]
Oh... You really got us something to eat? I see you've already found out about your senior's sweet tooth. [From the way he grins as he approaches and the way Jaekwan's flush still hasn't faded from his cheeks, it's impossible to discern which senior he means with that statement. Choi crosses the room to the couch where a small table sits, a couple cushions beneath. He removes one and squats down on it before sitting on the opposite side of the table, crossing his legs on the floor as he trades the box of cake for a can of beer. Jaekwan has taken the seat beside Soleum, a polite distance between them. Choi takes a drink of beer, sets it down, then exhales.]
Why don't you want to have sex again, Soleum-ah?
no subject
Soleum sips at his grapeade, unruffled. When the drink comes away from his mouth, he's nodding, twisting the cap back onto the bottle, as if agreeing that this is the exact question he came to discuss. It's still his every intention to excuse himself after this, so. ]
Yes, about that… Why is having sex with me so important? [ Sex, kissing him, the three of them being close. It feels good, but, even putting aside his crosswired allegiances — ] If we're worried about each other beyond what's professionally acceptable, it complicates the lives of the civilians we're supposed the prioritize in high-risk situations. Maybe you're different, but I'm…
[ He stares at the middle of table, avoiding looking in anyone's direction. After a moment: ] You two have carried on fine without my involvement. The cohesion of the team clearly doesn't depend on me being intimate with either of you.
no subject
[Again the two agents' eyes meet, and something unspoken is said. Choi finally nods and sits back.]
The lives of the agents come first, for starters.
[So, that's kind of off topic, in his opinion. Even if Agent Choi is "that guy who always tries to save one more civilian," he does follow the rules when it comes to ranking who should be saved. Neither he nor Jaekwan are thrilled with the concept behind that, but they dutifully perform it despite that.]
I think the reason we're both pushing you - [Jaekwan interrupts with a flat, "I'm not pushing him."] Ah. Well, the reason I'm still pushing you is because it was obvious that you had a lot of fun. Neither of us have seen you like that about anything else. It feels like you're shutting us out because of something greater than... [He makes a vague sort of gesture, searching for the right word.] Workplace professionality. Does that make sense?
[He motions at Jaekwan suddenly, who blinks in surprise. He's not the focus right now, don't look at him when he can't keep the color of his face under control.] Jaekwan-ie, we never did anything like that before, did we? Well, maybe I touched your butt a few times - But it wasn't until Soleum-ah joined the team. It's kind of like... Kind of like we reached a new level of communication.
[Jaekwan doesn't respond, but from his expression he clearly doesn't disagree. Choi looks back at Soleum.]
But, nothing is going to change if you're being serious, but sometimes you'll say something like, "No, I've had enough," and then I'll give you more kkakdugi and you eat the whole serving. Isn't it better to be full than sated?
[Jaekwan looks particularly exhausted by this comparison but says nothing.]
no subject
It was the wrong thing to say; he said it, anyway, permitting the correction. Offering his senior a lead-in to snap apart Soleum's reasoning like a cheap plastic toy. Hoping it'd cast doubt that a rookie who can't even remember one of the fundamental rules of being an agent could possibly maintain unclouded judgment while — coupling with them. Jaekwan's perspective was punctuated by each account in which Soleum had contributed to the success of the mission, the number of civilians brought home to safety…
But it's still difficult. To bear the affection underlying their rejection of what Soleum tells them without feeling the distinction between him and the agents even more.
Listening on, cool red eyes perch on Agent Choi's form. He has a lot to say — or rather, get off his chest? Is this part of this new level of communication of theirs? He tries to keep eye contact throughout, but at some point, he slips up, his frames tilting down his nose, watching Jaekwan, the wave of his scarred hands, anything else that isn't the cutting clarity in the senior agent's gaze.
When he's done, Soleum has nothing to say for a period. Merely sits there on the edge of the couch, the curve of his spine soldier-straight, unmoving. The seconds tick by until, quietly, a self-deprecating smile rises to his lips. ]
Is it that I'm not filled, or that you're aware I have a hard time saying no to you?
[ Except he's saying no right now, in no small thanks to Jaekwan sharing this propensity with him.
Soleum sets the grapeade aside on the table. He hasn't taken more than a single sip and likely shouldn't take anything further. ]
I've been serious this entire time, sir. Even if part of it has to do with a personal issue, that doesn't… [ No, go for something softer. ] I don't think it's something that can be solved by either of you.
no subject
[Choi's eyes fall to the grape ade, staring at it when it's set down on the table. He did give it to him despite his refusal over text, and he did goad him into coming here, into having this discussion against his wishes... And Jaekwan, it's clear he was fine with leaving sleeping dogs lie based on what he said before, but...]
[But, what? The simple fact of the matter is that he's selfish, right? That he wants to have his cake even when every crumb has been devoured. He wants Soleum and Jaekwan beside him, doesn't want to surrender that. The agents' lives come first, and even if he'll gladly risk his own hide to save one more civilian from peril, he'd never do it if it meant either of them getting hurt instead. Isn't he just selfish as hell?]
[But it's the "personal issue" line that gives him pause. If he's selfish, then Soleum... What is he? He's a little cagey, often refuses to reveal his entire hand until the last moment. He has so much going on that they can't even begin to imagine. But he's caring, too. There's a reason he passed the agent exam, that he wasn't knocked out by the Truth Breathing Machine. There's something pure in him. He wants to save people. He wants to do this work. Even if Choi has his suspicions about his allegiances, he's never suspected that he wasn't honest about that.]
[So the personal issue... It's what he said over text, right? The smile comes back, but it's not carefree or pasted on to allow for an air of calm. It's the kind of smile when someone finally admits there's a deeper pain that you knew they were hiding. He's a little relieved, to hear the same excuse repeated. He's not digging up random reasons to deny them. They must be at the bottom of his well.]
I told you, right? This doesn't have to mean anything... but there's still a greater meaning to it.
[Jaekwan's brows furrow, clearly not understanding what Choi means by that... but it's okay. He'll make a diagram for him later.]
Even if we can't solve your problems, we can still help you carry them.