windfall | unfortunately, like a fool, i said, "it's not like i want to let you go"

unfortunately, like a fool, i said, "it's not like i want to let you go"

( continued from here! )

[ Denji stares up Aki's way, visibly annoyed, as she brooks another crest of colorless smoke invading her senses, slender tendrils ghosting over their heads, nearly transparent in the lamplight. This nicotine-addicted slag. Always with the insults… It means kissing! She kissed them! What other meaning could make out have? Still, she roughly erases what characters she was writing (she'd forgotten midway what the stroke pattern to one kanji was), decorating her report in rubber shavings. ]

I mean, you saw Emi-chan's stuff. A bunch of her dresses and skirts looked kinda itchy, but she had some grown-up outfits in the very, very back!

[ Instead of writing what she took, her pencil draws a series of doodles across the page: some peanut snacks, a bottle of tea looted from the mini fridge, a vial that she kindly labels as pirfume, and then the garment bag. ]

So I took one, since I don't got a whole lotta those. [ Most of her closet is filled with clothes from the secondhand store… and some secondhand straight from Aki's own wardrobe. For example, the tanktop she's wearing under her blouse right now. ] It's gonna make my rack look suuuper sexy on me, and then guys will be linin' up outside our apartment to take me on dates to the zoo and all that!

[ No, Denji doesn't know what the proper attire is for a zoo date. ]

…'course I'm not gonna go, seeing as I'm already taken. But you get the idea. What'd you get?

[ If she's remembering correctly, Aki's hands didn't look as full as her own walking out of the dressing room. Did she not take anything and now she's regretting it? ]

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[ The chair rubberbands off the front of the desk, recoiling her into the opposite direction of Aki; the force sends a few items and things jumping, but luckily nothing splashes or breaks across the surface. But what really halts Denji's tantrum is Aki's last question, her clenched fists, raised and ready to box, slowly lowering as she thinks her answer over. ]

Well, that way, Mister Makima will know what my usual is whenever he feels like treating me to somethin'. Y'know, as a reward for kicking ass.

[ …She's serious. ]

If all you wanted to know about was that fiend, then why didn'tcha say so? I killed it. The end. Just write that.

[ Short and sweet. Aki surely can't find a reason to complain about her extremely truncated version of events, right? ]

[...She's serious.]

You can't just write "I killed it" and call it a...

[This is such a waste of time. Aki finally circles back around to pull her chair back into its place and sinks down into it.]

Sometimes I don't know how you survived this long with such low brain mass. [Beat.] Just make a list of all the stuff you took from her dressing room. A written list, no drawings. [She'll write the stupid report.] And don't throw furniture at people.

[ While Aki makes her limited faith in her ability to dictate her perspective clear, and even seems to abandon the attempt to coach her, Denji's mind is elsewhere — thinking about that fiend, now that she's really forced to. From how she's talking to herself, she's definitely not listening to Aki. ]

Yeah, taking that fiend out… It was like, toward the end, it — she wanted to just get dying over with. And she kept mumbling for Emiri.

[ Not Emi-chan, which is the name that woman's fans typically cheered when she was nearby. Maybe she and that fiend knew each other?

Skirting around Aki, Denji boosts herself up onto the desk, half-seated on the new form as she examines her superior's account of the mission again. ]

Hey, hey, did they ever figure out what kinda devil took over that body?

[Aki's hand pauses as she writes when Denji says that, her eyes rising to look at her. She climbs up onto the desk and her brows pull a little low, frowning.]

It said her name? [Then,] Fiends don't usually hold memories from the original body. It's the devil's personality that's taken over. You're sure it said "Emiri?"

[Very strange. She notes down that Denji heard it repeating the target's name.]

When they collected the body, they couldn't name it yet, but I heard them thinking it was an emotion of some kind. Attachment, or something related to entrapment.

["Fear of attachment" is vague, however. Usually the people who name devils are more specific than that.]

Did it say anything else before you killed it? Any other words?

[ She asked about the devil's identity hoping it'd clue them into why that fiend was behaving the way she did, but attachment, entrapment — what's an emotion or a thing that fulfills both ideas, but isn't one or the other completely?

Her fingers twitch, tap-tapping rhythmlessly against the underside of the table. ]

No words, but I think I heard — humming? Really early on, before we slashed up her legs.

[ It isn't really their job to care so much about the story behind a case, let alone a second-class non-citizen, but devils and fiends are existences that are little understood. Just look at herself. It's okay as long as its under the pretense of, like, science and research, right? ]

Um, it went…

[ Denji imitates the hum of the song with a concentrated effort, the tune clumsy and holding too much tension in her throat, but still following a discernible melody. ]

Somethin' like that. You ever heard it before?

[The melody is familiar, but not anything Aki can name - She isn't much of a music listener, never invested in a radio for her apartment. What she can say is...]

Doesn't sound like the kind of music she was singing.

[That fast-paced pop all about believing in yourself or something trite. Aki taps the tip of her pen on the page.]

You know it's important to pay attention to this sort of stuff, right? Not all devils will die just because you slash them up. You should pay attention to their behaviors.

[She's aware she's lecturing, but Denji is her junior. May as well make sure she learns things properly.]

...That song sounds older. Like from last decade. [Very odd. She finally begins writing that down in the report.] Anything else you heard or saw?

[ Although the impromptu lesson may not be fully appreciated, on some level, it does still resonate with Denji, who sullenly stares forward without making a single peep. Sadly, what Aki's saying has merit to it. Thinking back, she'd done a number on that Leech Devil from before, but because she was too weak to take stock of the situation and notice where it'd maneuvered its other limb, it'd managed to one-up her.

She hates to admit it, but without Aki's interference, she would've been dog food. If she keeps racking up debts to this jerk, she'll actually have to start treating her more nicely. ]

Mmmmm… I dunno. Her head looked kinda weird.

[ As most fiend heads do. ]

She had earphones melted into her skull! I think maybe she was sensitive to sound and tryin' to keep everything out, so when we started wreckin' all the band stuff and makin' the speakers go screeee, that just made it easier to off her. She honestly sucked at fighting, and was really jerky when she'd swing her wires or whatever at me.

…That's all I remember.

["Her head looked kinda weird"... Aki stares at her without speaking until she continues and actually says something useful.]

This kind of stuff - This is what's actually important. Information on the fiend. Not your after work activities.

[She looks down and continues to dutifully add the information to the form. Humming, weak to sounds. Saying the target's name at the end. And wishing for death.]

...It's pretty uncommon for devils to want to die. Even when they're in pain. [The situation in the hotel was unique.] In the end, this was a weakling, though. No gun pieces, no casualties. [Again she taps her pen, like both of these facts annoy her. They don't. Not specifically, anyway.] Feels like a waste of our time, protecting some idol when there's more pressing issues out there.

[She slides the form across for Denji to read.] Anyway, this is how your reports should look. You should keep it to the actual job. Got it?

What, so that's it?

[ Denji doesn't read the form, immediately pushing it aside, like she's getting rid of an obstacle that's blocking her view of Aki. ]

Don't turn this into 'nother lecture! We wrote all that… [ Well, it was Aki who did the writing as Denji fumbled through her memories of the fiend's characteristics and oddities. ] And now it's just done? You aren't curious about that fiend at all, or how she and Emi-chan were connected?

[ As she thought form the very beginning, these reports really are a waste of time. There's no payout for remembering so much about other people. ]

At least when I talk about masturbating, I can look forward to gettin' horny again. But writing stuff down about those two, it's like — like getting blue-balled!

[Aki rolls her eyes. She really doesn't get it at all.]

It doesn't matter if they were or weren't. That fiend is dead now. You figured out it was weak to loud noises, and in the future you'll use that kind of training to kill other devils.

[Because that's all they are to her in the end. Practice, for something bigger.]

Save that other talk for your diary. Mister Makima doesn't want to hear about that crap. He wants to hear about how you succeeded in killing a devil - not how you got off on the toilet.

[Beat.]

And stop masturbating in there, you take too long.

[ …The fiend is dead, Emi-chan paid them their dues, and whatever untold story there is to this case will have to be left to some other overworked government employee. So, yeah. That's a wrap to their role in this, she can't argue against that. But what she can argue against is — ]

Hey, you dumped that Shit Devil into my room. I've got nowhere else to have some Denji time! Just piss into a bottle, if you've really gotta go. Isn't that hard with practice.

[ Suddenly, she perks up. Grins. ]

I can even show you. Took me awhile back then, but I'm pretty much a master at aiming now!

[Aki stares at her, the pieces falling into place in her mind. She had blamed it on Power, figuring a girl would never be able to, but...]

Is that where that bottle came from? You? [She found it a few weeks ago, sitting in the corner of Denji and Power's bedroom, when she went in to get the laundry basket. Had even shouted at Power for being a disgusting devil and not to do anything like it again, then ignored his screams that 'twas Denji who doth pissed or whatever the hell. But now she's realizing, for once, that bastard was telling the truth.]

You're seriously disgusting, you know that? No one's ever going to want get like that with someone who pees in bottles.

Disgusting…?

[ Back when she lived with her old man, and he would hog the bathroom because he'd have too much to drink, it'd been all she could do. Of course, there was the option of finding a spot outside to squat, but this alternative usually felt more — decent. Civilized, in her mind, despite having abandoned most other human civilities. And, surely, more appropriate than wetting herself. This happened less frequently as she aged, of course, but there were just moments, you know…! ]

You mean that? Guys are… gonna find me gross?

[...This is the first time she's realized it?]

You asked if you could eat my scabs once. Anyone would find you disgusting.

[What the hell does she think toilets are for? Aki piles up the report and slides it into its folder.]

You're better than you were, at least. You keep all your food on your plate now, and you actually comb out your hair sometimes.

[ First, Aki shames her, then she starts to (sorta) compliment her. What's the deal? Is she coming down with something? They have been traveling quite a lot these past few weeks, tailing Emi-chan, ensuring she gets wherever she needs to safely, while also following case leads on the side.

Denji gives her a sidelong look that, after a moment, snaps away. ]

What's disgusting is how you waste your scabs… [ Under her breath: ] Geez, I don't even know why that sleazy eyepatch guy asked me to set him up with you.

[ Is it considered bad talking the dead if you call them sleazy? …But he was. ]

Are we done now? Can we go home yet?

[What the hell did she just say?]

[Aki looks at her, momentarily taken aback by how effortlessly she brought him up. A brief, unguarded look of shock, and then it's gone, replaced with a scoff as she looks down to push her chair out. No, she's not going to react to that. Not going to give her the pleasure of seeing her feel gutted by the mere mention of him.]

Stay here, I'll drop this off.

[She picks up the folder, knowing he has to go to Makima's office. She has no desire to watch Denji drool over him right now.]

[Piece of shit. Calling him sleazy when Denji is sleazier than anyone else she's ever met.]

[ Everything in her ears instantly silences. The room goes dead, and she feels the widening of Aki's eyes worse than a splinter in her gut, a blow to the face. But why is that? Her mouth opens to… do what, she isn't even sure of. So the only thing someone like Denji can do is take what she's told. Watch as the older woman takes off, the clip of her loafers trailing after her.

That's as good a sign as any that she fudged that interaction. She'd known Aki was broken up over her old buddy, but don't people get over that stuff after a while? People get hurt and die all the time — in attacks, on accident, on purpose. From what details she gleaned in the debrief, that Himeno was lucky enough to choose. The same kind of choice that drives Aki to lop off her life as easily as discarding the browning edges of a piece of produce.

Well, nothing she can do to manage her senior's moods.

Whenever Aki returns, Denji's parked by the window. It's dark out, but she can still see the walking silhouettes of some other hunters, likely having gotten off their shift, leaving to catch the train for the night. There's a can of warm jasmine tea cupped between her hands, another one just like it atop Aki's desk — both signs that she'd forgone her orders and left the room at some point to go poke at the vending machine. ]

[If anything, at least seeing Makima at the end of her workday is relieving enough. He says something nice to her about doing a good job with Denji on this mission and how she must be teaching her good things and she kind of wants to ask for more nice words - but she won't, of course, because she's not a weirdo or obsessed like someone else. She excuses herself and heads back to her office to get Denji, rounding the desk to get her jacket which is when she realizes there's a can of tea left for her.]

[...It's not like she particularly cares about her leaving the room, but she also doesn't exactly know how to take this offering. She never apologizes and Aki sort of doubts she even realizes she said something shitty. So she tugs on her jacket and motions at her.]

Let's go. I want to stop and get a drink on the way.

[An alcoholic one, not some tea. She grabs the can of tea and snaps it open, taking a drink.]

Make sure you grab all the stuff you took, too. This isn't a storage room.

[ ...It's just tea. It doesn't have to signify a peace offering or an admission of guilt when it only just so happened that two cans fell out of the vending machine at once, which, sure, she'd left a nasty dent in the side of it to get chance to work in her favor, but that hadn't meant anything either. Aki could have simply left it to cool at her desk overnight, and that would have been equally as fine.

Cramming down the urge to do something else outrageous to rid herself of the awkwardly squirming feeling in her stomach, she tosses her own now-crumpled can into the waste bin. Zips over to lump her garment bag into a liftable pile, then joins Aki in passing through the door. ]

So what'd Mister Makima say? Anything about me?

He said I dealt with you well.

[So she can take that however she wants. Aki leads them down the stairs to the front door, tossing the empty can in the recycling near the vending machines as they pass. She looks at Denji's hoard as she pushes the door open, frowning slightly.]

If you can't carry everything, hand something over. [All she has is a box that fits in her pocket, so nothing much to hold.]

[ That's a weird thing for him to say, Denji thinks, but doesn't truly question. Despite the disappointment that makes her jaw drop open, she doesn't once consider that Aki could be lying or messing with her.

At what she says next, her gaze flickers down at her thin arms, the sack overflowing from her hold and nearly dragging against the floor. Somewhere squished under there is the chunky box of perfume she nabbed, that with some reorienting of what all she's carrying, pops out in one hand. The packaging's golden with delicate grooves, but that's about all Denji knows about the fragrance — she hasn't smelled it and certainly can't read what's printed on the box. She clearly chose it based on looks alone. Denji shoves the perfume into Aki's hands, just as her bag starts to cascade from her hold and she has it jerk it back into place. ]

Just don't drop it. I'm gonna wear it on my date with Mister Makima — he said he'd take me to the movies soon.

[ So that's the real reason Denji raided that celebrity's closet. Not to attract an assortment of besotted admirers to take her to the zoo, but just one. It makes her a little more upset that Makima didn't say anything about their plans. ]

I've never been to a fancy kinda place like that before, so I want it to be special…

[Date?]

[Aki accepts the box without hesitation, but her eyes widen when she explains what she plans to use it for. A date? She seriously thinks she's going on a date with Makima?]

[But then she says it - to the movies - and Aki's expression forcibly relaxes a little. Movies, right. Makima likes movies. He's always talking about them if he asks Aki what she did over the weekend and Aki asks him the same. He goes to the theater all the time, but it never seems to be to see something specific. And so what if he's never invited Aki to go? But inviting Denji - that's fine. It's probably nothing that serious. She's a kid, anyway. So why would he have any desire to go on a date? It's probably just a friendly thing. Maybe he mentioned his plans for the weekend and Denji invited herself along. Yeah, it's got to be something stupid like that.]

You're going to the movies in something like that... Seriously?

[She hasn't seen the outfit, but she can only assume it's something flashy. Something idol-like. Hopefully it doesn't have a big poofy skirt.]

You'll be in the dark, you know. ...Have you ever even been on something like a date before?

[ So what if it'll be dark? They'll still be meeting each other in broad daylight… And there's always dinner afterwards, too!

That Aki makes no attempt to mask her disbelief provokes Denji into squeezing her outfit closer, lips popped out in a prominent pout, her chin scratching against the bag. Of course. Always that weird equilibrium to her — when Aki bothers to do something nice for Denji, she immediately has to balance the scales by being an ass.

Maybe in that respect the two of them aren't so different from each other, after all. ]

I've dreamed about it plenty. Holding hands, kissing, having sex under the stars and stuff. [ It's a little roundabout, but it's still a virgin's answer. It sticks at her pride to reply with a straightforward no, for some reason. Like if she admits to it that directly, she'll be giving more fodder for Aki to belittle her with. Even though this way isn't much better. ] That counts as having a bajillion times of experience.

[ Stopping at a waiting crosswalk, Denji pretends to watch the speeding traffic. ]

…You look like you've been on tons of dates with guys.

[Why does it advance so fast in her head?? She doesn't seriously think Makima is going to have sex with her, does she...?]

[But Denji makes her guess about Aki having had a lot of dates and she rolls her eyes as they come to a stop at the light.]

Yeah. Tons.

[Said in deadpan. She isn't really willing to discuss her high school dating life with this idiot.]

You know none of that is going to happen, right? He'll probably watch a flick with you and then send you home. He's not the kind of person who goes on dates with his subordinates.

[Because he hasn't with her.]

Just enjoy the free movie. [The light turns and she crosses, not waiting.] You'll end up disappointed if you build it up too much. Wear something cute for once and leave it at that.

But I'm not just his subordinate. I'm…

[ She doesn't have to think too long to remember what Makima told her; she's spent too many nights thinking about the words before bed, a ritual no different from prayer for her. ]

I'm his pet. [ By the way she's bragging, no one would ever believe that her first reaction to being told how she would have to live her life from then on was indignation. Resentment. ] A dog that only answers "yes" or "woof"!

[ Ignoring her handler's skepticism, Denji rattles on like a blushing schoolgirl proudly sharing the story of a reciprocated love confession to a supportive audience. It's the sort of communion she's never experienced, and maybe having to rush to tail after someone to force them to listen about this good thing that happened to you isn't the same, not really, but it's closest she's ever going to get to it. ]

And he said I was his type when we first met. You might not believe this, but no one's ever said that sorta thing to me before. It was so awesome. Thought I'd actually died and gone to heaven.

[ Anyway, she's telling Aki this to drive home one thing: ] So I can't just treat it like a free movie…

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