windfall | unfortunately, like a fool, i said, "it's not like i want to let you go"

unfortunately, like a fool, i said, "it's not like i want to let you go"

( continued from here! )

[ Denji stares up Aki's way, visibly annoyed, as she brooks another crest of colorless smoke invading her senses, slender tendrils ghosting over their heads, nearly transparent in the lamplight. This nicotine-addicted slag. Always with the insults… It means kissing! She kissed them! What other meaning could make out have? Still, she roughly erases what characters she was writing (she'd forgotten midway what the stroke pattern to one kanji was), decorating her report in rubber shavings. ]

I mean, you saw Emi-chan's stuff. A bunch of her dresses and skirts looked kinda itchy, but she had some grown-up outfits in the very, very back!

[ Instead of writing what she took, her pencil draws a series of doodles across the page: some peanut snacks, a bottle of tea looted from the mini fridge, a vial that she kindly labels as pirfume, and then the garment bag. ]

So I took one, since I don't got a whole lotta those. [ Most of her closet is filled with clothes from the secondhand store… and some secondhand straight from Aki's own wardrobe. For example, the tanktop she's wearing under her blouse right now. ] It's gonna make my rack look suuuper sexy on me, and then guys will be linin' up outside our apartment to take me on dates to the zoo and all that!

[ No, Denji doesn't know what the proper attire is for a zoo date. ]

…'course I'm not gonna go, seeing as I'm already taken. But you get the idea. What'd you get?

[ If she's remembering correctly, Aki's hands didn't look as full as her own walking out of the dressing room. Did she not take anything and now she's regretting it? ]

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[She thinks her mom was probably attractive...? Aki frowns, but doesn't say anything as Denji continues on. Her annoyance fades into a type of pity, listening to that. Telling a girl she looks like her dad is probably an insult of some kind, but Aki can see it even without knowing the man. Her flat chest, ratty hair, wiry frame... She won't say it, but she can imagine it. A younger Denji pulling on her hair in an attempt to make it longer.]

[Maybe because of that she doesn't scold her for nearly kicking her in the knee, capping the concealer instead and rubbing her fingers together to blend out the make-up that's still on them. She glances up when Denji speaks again, then frowns. Considers just answering, No. But wouldn't that be a lie?]

I think about her hands, sometimes. [She sets the concealer on the table, closer to Denji's side.] I used to watch them the most. When she did her make-up or cooked or folded laundry. So sometimes I wonder if our hands would look the same, when I get older.

[But probably not. Because hers are stained with blood, and her mother's were... Clean. Neat. Trim. She stares down at her hands, her nails. Clean, neat, trim. Maybe it's just been too long since she saw them.]

...You could always put your hair up, if you wanted to grow it out.

[ Sensing that they're done now, she watches Aki seem to observe herself — or rather, her hands — anew. Denji rolls a kink out from her neck while her gaze bears downward at that same thing; there may be a few faded scars here and there, but to her, Aki has the kind of hands of someone who could have easily made a living modeling watches and jewelry on the home shopping channel. Long and spindly. Weirdly gentle, when she'd applied her makeup for her, but with enough strength to slap she and Power clean across the backs of their heads, to scythe her blade through the innards of a devil, to wrench the cord at Denji's chest and rev her back to life.

When she gets older, huh…

As if they both don't already know that Aki will never reach the same age as her mother when she died. But she doesn't point that out. Wouldn't have, even if Aki had given her the chance to before bringing up styling her hair a different way. For a moment, she can only blink at her, surprised by how relieved she is to have the distraction. Why, she doesn't know. ]

My hair?

[ Denji cups a hand up against the wild ends of one side, bouncing the strands. Unconvinced. ]

Ain't it too short, though? It'd just look like… [ Her nose wrinkles. ] A topknot. It wouldn't be a ponytail like yours.

[A topknot...? Aki frowns at the image to keep from laughing at it. She'd look so stupid with a topknot.]

Not like that. I meant, if you grew out your hair, you could just tie it up and keep it out of the way.

[Though... Is her hair really too short right now? Without asking she leans over and motions her to lean forward, reaching to grab at her hair and bunch it into a solid tail behind her. It takes a couple tugs to get every strand, but - ...Okay, she definitely doesn't have enough hair for this. Under her breath, she mutters,] Maybe pigtails...

Ah, hey...

[ She eyes her from an upwards slant, her head dipped to allow for her hair to be easily gathered, bangs obscuring much of her gaze. She's dubious, of course, but slightly less so from what she would have been before the older woman's earlier help.

As Aki's surmised, her choppy hair clearly isn't suited for anything more complex than a hair brushing.

...But pigtails? Seriously?

The beer case on the table hasn't been torn into yet, nor does she catch any trace of alcohol in her breath from this proximity. Her cheeks are the same light, neutral tone as the rest of her. This tells Denji one thing: Aki isn't drunk. So this is a fully sober suggestion...

Snorting, she muses, ] Should I give it a shot?

[ Suddenly, wedging her own fingers past the fist Aki has curled at her crown, she starts to rise and pad back to the bathroom. In the first place, she wants to look at how she looks now with some "highlighting." ]

[Why does she sound so perturbed by the idea? Aki pulls her hands back, watching her rise up and head to the bathroom. She's a teenager, isn't she? Aren't pigtails normal for that age...? Not that she ever wore them, herself, but still... Frowning, she turns back around and reaches for a beer, breaking one free from the plastic rings and snapping it open.]

It's just an idea, if you wanted to... [She raises her voice so Denji can hear her, but eventually trails off. Wanted to what, look more feminine? It'll take more than that. She dresses like a hoodlum and her chest is flatter than you'd expect, since she wears such loose clothing... Calling out again, she adds,] If you stop cutting your hair yourself, it might grow out to a more even length.

[ Pigtails aren't abnormal for a sixteen-year-old, but she's not trying to look her age. She wants to be mature and dependable, but still sexy and cool, but also someone Mister Makima can flirt with when nobody's watching because she's just that irresistible to him. She wants to rock badass steel arms at work, then share a nice dessert with the guy she likes. She wants to look like she has the whole package.

…Which she's loathe to admit, in a way, means that she wants to look a little more like Aki. Is that too much to ask? ]

If I don't cut it, nobody else will unless I cough up some serious dough, [ she hollers back through the open door, snapping an elastic around one cinched part of her hair before moving on to the next. Appearing to miss the point that, if she wants to change how she presents, it may need a little more investment on her end. One that doesn't involve saving up to eat a bunch of beef cutlets.

Denji stares at herself in the mirror, hands curled around the edges of the sink as she leans forward to examine her face. Her hair is whatever, but her skin's creamier at least, the unevenness around her nose and cheeks neutralized by the pigment of the concealer. She can't even make out the pimple.

But despite her satisfaction, she doesn't come out yet. Rather, she shuts the door, turning to look back at the garment bag she'd so happened left inside the bathroom earlier. Unzipping it bares open a silky sheer negligee that Denji immediately smooths a hand over to iron out any wrinkles and gnarls visible to her eye, from the lace bodice to the cool, watery material of the skirt. Being from the closet of a pop idol, it's rather tame in design, though no less luxurious.

To Denji, though, it's nothing more than a beautiful dress.

After about ten minutes, she leaps out of the bathroom with uncontainable excitement, her hands planted at her hips and the hem of her skirt fluttering like a superhero's cape. It should be noted that the chest of the outfit is slightly sagging down Denji's chest from a lack of mass to fill the cups in. ]

Ba-bada-duuum! Hey, hey, hey, so whaddaya think? [ She glances down herself, sheepishly, fiddling with the cord of her starter, trying to keep it from crosswiring with the trusses of the outfit. ] This'll knock Makima right off his feet, yeah?!

Edited 2024-06-16 20:30 (UTC)

[Denji spends her time in the bathroom and Aki, for once, doesn't scold her for it. She drinks her beer and turns on the TV. Ignores the holler about how it's expensive to cut hair. It really isn't, she could argue, because it's a part of grooming. If she had neater hair, maybe people would respect her more, and then maybe she would earn more money, and then maybe she could get more haircuts. ... lWhat is she spending money on, anyway? Aside from the few times she eats out or Aki refuses to buy her smut at the convenience store, it's not like she has many expenses. She watches the droning news and sips her beer, turning a disinterested eye toward the bathroom when she parades out...]

[...only to nearly spit her drink out at what she's wearing.]

You - That's what you took...?! [The shock is obvious, more so than the color that springs up on her cheeks. What the hell does she think, that she can go on a date in that...?!]

You know that's - You dumbass, those are pajamas. [Correcting herself because Denji probably doesn't know what "lingerie" means.] He'll be knocked off his feet, alright - And anyone else who might see you prancing around in underwear. You can't wear that outside!

[ Could be because of Aki actually entertaining her and her jabber for most of the evening, talking her through writing a report, helping her carry things while her hands were full, teaching her how to put this concealer stuff on… But Denji had hoped that when she revealed her big showstopper outfit, she'd hear something — more supportive than this. Something nice.

Denji scowls at the ground. Irritation's an easier emotion to express, to latch on to, than disappointment. ]

Duh, I took it! Emi-chan's rich. [ Or her dad is, anyway. ] She's not gonna miss one lil' dress.

[ Which is what it is. A dress. ]

You're… You're just an old, booze-brained hag! Don't act like you know crap about what's popular with girls my age. I see 'em wearing stuff like this all the time in the streets or — or, like, on TV.

It's not a...

[Before she can finish, Denji is spitting all sorts of insults at her. Old, booze-brained, hag. Each one is a little sharper than the last without actually holding any spice to it. Flustered, Aki knows. But she also pities her a lot.]

[...She'd look beyond stupid, if she showed up like that. Aki gets to her feet, setting her beer down on the table.]

You said you want to look grown up... But that doesn't look grown up on you.

[If anything, it only accentuates that she's still a stupid kid. Aki motions for her, brows drawn and lips flat. Pulling open the door to her bedroom, she heads inside, clearly expecting Denji to follow.]

Come on.

[And inside, she pulls open her closet. Beside the row of uniform shirts and jackets are various casual clothes. And yes, she's taller and wider than Denji, has a larger chest, but surely there's something in here she can wear. She starts digging through the articles, tugging out a few random ones and tossing them out onto her bed. ...And one that she pauses at before flitting past, rolling her eyes. Himeno gave that to her and she never wore it. It was way too small. He never had an eye for fashion, anyway. That's not something she would ever wear.]

[ Continuing to wallow in the injustice of Aki not immediately jumping to pat her ass, she stands there without following for a solid five seconds. The moment she hears a closet open, though, her nosy self is right there sitting on her bed, scouting each piece of clothing that Aki delivers into her orbit. ]

I don't see how your clothes are more grown up than what I've got on.

[ Ignoring that Aki hasn't even given Denji permission to wear any of her clothes yet, she takes turns pressing whatever's nearest to her chest — there's more than plenty she could play with pairing into an outfit unique to her, but it's the sweater that eventually goes over the negligee.

…While the soft knit covers the obscene amount of skin she'd had on display, it noticeably doesn't go with what she's already wearing. Her skirt is also still peeking out from under, the faint curve of her ass visible through the ultra-fine material. Then, she tugs on the long button-up as an extra layer over the sweater, which helps to hide her back, but doubly makes her current attire look overly stuffed. Slipping off the bed to finally snoop inside Aki's closet herself, probably in search of socks or something, she peers past the woman's arms — ]

Ooh, what's that?

[ — and snatches out the very outfit she'd just passed over. She examines it, looking over the blouse from front to back. ]

I've never seen you wear this before.

Being "grown up" isn't about showing more skin, you know.

[But then Denji is getting up and Aki turns her head to hear the squeak of the bedframe. She blinks in surprise at how she's assembled the clothes she tossed on the bed, the multiple layers that make her look so much wider than she is for once, but then her hands are shooting into her closet and yanking that out. Aki grimaces.]

I've never worn it.

[So, that answers that. There's even a clothing tag still on it.]

It was a gift. ...You need a longer skirt, people are going to be able to see your panties in this thing. [She tries to pull down the negligee to cover her ass a little more but it's about as helpful as patting air over the offending area.] This one's too short. You can't wear it to the movies. [Especially since she'll be sitting down.] And take those off, you can't just layer things backwards like that. You're not going to Harajuku.

[ She swats backs the hands that are fussing with her skirt length, sending her a miffed look as she heads back to the bed: ] Why haven't you worn it? You giving me shoddy goods or something?

[ The button-up's drifting off her shoulders, along with the other layers, to make room for trying on the top. It looks fine to her: no gaps in the threading, no weird bent to the delicate trim of the collar, no noticeable defects. Well, even if those things were present, she'd probably still wear it… There are holes in her socks right this second, even. She's not exactly a picky dresser. ]

Look, this one's almost as short as what I've got on! [ Her exclamation's precipitated by the sliding on of the blouse over her gown. The tag bulges at her collar, itching her the back of her neck, but, otherwise, it's a good fit. Aside from her indignation about one little thing — ] How's this more grown up, huh?!

Because your chest isn't sticking out, for one.

[Aki snaps it a little too harshly, frowning at the way Denji pulls the whole thing over the lingerie. How does she not understand that she can't show that much skin...?!]

And this is way less short - look, it goes down to... [She tries to tug on the hem of the skirt a little but ends up simply sliding it down further, huffing as she pulls it back on her hips.] You're so damn skinny - Look, this is way more mature. See how it's not made of silk? This is something you could wear anywhere. The other one's for the bedroom, not a date.

Hey, are you tryin' to cop a feel down there or what?! Harassment, much…

[ Comes her ever-timely swamp of complaints. The constant pulling at the back of her skirt only makes the front of her clothes hug uncomfortably against her bust before returning back into place whenever Aki lets go. It's annoying. ]

So, wait, you're telling me all these things on the bed are what you would wear to impress Mister Makima? These are just what you usually wear most days… Does looking mature really have nothing to do with sex appeal?

[...Are the things she picked out not good enough?]

[Wait, hold on. No. This is Denji. She has no idea what she's talking about. Aki clears her throat, stepping back to let Denji adjust the clothes.]

How many women do you see walking around looking mature and sexy? [She pauses, frowning in thought, trying to think of someone to explain the analogy with.] I mean - You think Makima is hot, but you've only ever seen him in a suit. So it's not always about what you wear, right?

[...What's annoying is that the outfit actually does look cute on Denji. Way better than it would on her. Ugh, and since she's smaller, it's not quite as revealing a hemline... but the neckline of the shirt is a little low. Maybe she can get a tanktop?]

It's better to just... dress casually. You don't want to look like you're trying too hard.

Those models in the magazines —

[ Denji starts to point out after Aki poses her clearly rhetorical question, but she quiets down as she continues on with her explanation, a despairing scrunch deepening her forehead. Her mouth half-open, like she's having her very belief system questioned and dismantled. It's true, though. She really has never seen Makima outside of a suit.

In a gloom, she collapses back-first into the bed, arms spread, its springs creaking as her body weight joins the mountain of clothes. She stares emptily at the ceiling. ]

Man, I don't wanna look like I'm trying too hard… I want Makima to like me. I mean, I know he does. But even more. The kinda 'like' where you just can't get the other person outta your head.

[ Adults like Makima and Aki have other things to think about besides romance, she gets that. She sees the utility bills, how much gets budgeted for groceries each week, the house chores and upkeep, the work matters that get brought home. Is it strange to want something that ruins all that for a person? To color everything in markers from the walls, to the ceiling fan, to the bathroom tiles, all to reserve a single person's attention just for you?

But maybe that's too…

Rolling on her side, she waves Aki over so that she can ask: ] D'ya think it's better if I just go in what I always wear instead of your stuff after all?

[She's so convinced of this... It's not even like she's trying to talk it into existence. She really, truly believes Makima likes her.]

[God, to be so stupid. Aki leans against the head of the bed, looking down at the mess of her clothes. She's going to wrinkle some of them... But she honestly seems down right now, so she won't nag her right now.]

Probably.

[Maybe that was part of why she never wore that outfit Himeno got her. It just wasn't her style at all. Why would she wear something like that...? Is that how he wanted her to be? Fat chance.]

...Wouldn't it be better if the person who liked you still did even if you look like shit?

[They've both seen each other like shit, so Aki feels comfortable commenting on that.]

Even if your face was covered in zits and your clothes were all torn up and shitty... You should find someone who likes you even when you're like that.

[She sounds stilted as she says it. This is such a weird pep talk to give to someone like Denji.]

[ Would it be better? She's doesn't know. The idea just makes her wonder what type of sicko could do that, could see a girl without all the bells and whistles, just flesh hugging close to her bones trying to stomach down the skeleton that should have been tossed, digested with the rest of the garbage and barfed back up into powdery fragments in some junkyard a long, long time ago. Could see that and still desire it.

Her face turns lightly to regard Aki. She pushes herself up on an elbow. ]

…Where do you usually go to find someone like that?

[ Like there's a designated office or store you can buy a person made-to-order that Aki must personally visit. She likes Makima, of course, there's no question about it. She likes that he likes her because she can do something that only she can do. That she's special to him, potentially. But that doesn't keep curiosity from burgeoning inside her, licking at an undying wick that shouldn't even be able to hold a flame anymore.

This is a very weird pep talk. Seems to be working, though. ]

[Where does she... go? For someone like that? Aki doesn't know what she's trying to ask here - If she means how she found the people she's close to, or if she means telling her which bars she's been to that don't have guys she'd rather throw through a wall than take home with her.]

It's not like you can go to one specific place, but...

[But where does she go, where she feels normal and can be herself, can have blood in her hair or guts on her clothes and not worry about being gaped at? Where does she not care how she looks, doesn't put her hair up and just sits around drinking at her own pace?]

...I guess I feel that here. Living with you two.

[Well. Power judges everything they do, but it's not like she especially puts any weight into his words. And Denji - even though they might bicker, she'd probably never laugh at her for wearing mismatched shoes. Probably say something like, "Hey, you do that, too?" There's something relieving in that.]

[ She takes in Aki's casual response, like a fish staring up from the small pond its always swam circles inside, realizing the sky is its own ocean. Her brain burbling on with a glub, glub, glub in substitute of anything intelligent. Coincidentally, also the sound a pot makes when it starts to boil, overheated. ]

Huh. So that counts…

[ Is her own reply, similarly light, as she rolls over to face away from Aki. No force, no violence. And then she rolls over again, then a third time, so that she's completely dropped off the edge of the other side of the bed — thud. Her face rubs unpleasantly into the plywood. That's a good thing, it distracts her from the pained stinging in her cheeks and ears, spreading like an allergic reaction. Ah, she never should have climbed into Aki's bed, what if she's got weird doo-doo pube germs stuck to her pillowcase, and now breathing it in's what's got her head all in a tizzy — ]

Rrrghhh…

[ She presses her forehead in harder, for good measure, likely smudging her concealer in the process before picking herself right up and suddenly declaring: ]

I'm gonna change!

[ Her stomps, so harsh, they make the rest of the floorboards rattle as she departs from Aki's room. ]

[If it were anyone else, watching her fall on the floor face-down and then press said face into the wood would make Aki worry and panic. As it is, however, she's seen Denji do much weirder and more harmful things to herself that only a brief bit of worry creases her brow before she hears Denji make that groaning growl noise. She's ready to ask what is it now when she suddenly rockets up and rushes from the room.]

[...Well, fine. Standing up, she grabs the clothes off her bed and begins hanging them back in the closet.]

[It only takes a minute or so, and once she's done she steps out of her bedroom and heads back to the living room, sitting down to resume drinking her beer. She did think about something, though, while putting everything away...]

You can buy your own clothes now, you know. [She calls that out, looking over her shoulder towards Denji and Power's bedroom.] You don't have to hoard all your money or waste it on crap. There's a middle ground.

[ The clothes she'd shed, the ones she hadn't, and a toilet paper roll all accompany her from the bathroom to her bedroom. Once changed into what Aki would probably, finally, consider proper pajama attire, Denji's sat on the ground rubbing away the makeup from under her eyes with a folded square of tissue she'd spat into. A little regretful to see everything scrubbed off so soon after its application, after asking Aki to do her the favor of showing her the ropes. And then watching her follow through with more commitment than something like this should have warranted.

…What if she promised to take on trash duty? Would she do her makeup again for her actual date, then? Oh, but, wait, shouldn't she actually pay her back for this time before thinking about negotiating a next time? Maybe double trash duty, since she let her try on her clothes?

Hm… Nngh… Mmm…

Aki's voice snaps Denji out of her furious contemplation. On all fours, her head peeks out from the door. ]

I don't waste my money! [ Her head ducks down, one sleeve of her shirt slipping lopsidedly from her shoulder with the movement. ] …It's just hard finding the right, uh, fit. 'sides, I'm still growing, right? Don'tcha think I should wait to get better stuff 'til I'm, like, all the way filled out?

[Until she's filled out...? Aki stares at her strangely. Is that why her clothes seem to barely fit her and are all but falling off all the time? Despite her state of undress, she manages not to look away.]

Do you think that's going to happen overnight or something?

[She must just mean her boobs. It's not like Aki has that impressive of a chest, but still... She did have to buy new bras at some point when she first moved to Tokyo. But for some reason she doubts Denji will have that issue.]

It's not like your clothes will stop fitting just because your boobs grow in. And besides, you don't get too much bigger from what you are at this age.

[Beat.]

Not -- that you need to. [Beat.] You're plenty big enough. [Yeah. Good pep talk.]

You sure? How can ya tell?

[ That hadn't been what Denji meant, the thing about her chest, but she doesn't issue Aki any sort of correction. Just runs with the flow of the conversation, barely noticing the clumsiness dogging the woman's words. Mainly, because, well, she never gets tired of talking about this stuff.

But, also, it could happen overnight! Look at her. She healed from life-threatening wounds and sprouted dangerous weapons from her arms basically overnight, so. ]

There are some dudes that get way taller outta nowhere, though… [ She picks herself up, stopping by the waste bin in the kitchen to toss her makeshift wipes. The remote's there on the counter, so she points at the TV and up goes the daily news report, as always. Joins her at the table shortly afterwards. ] And you — you're sayin' that when you were my age, you had huge milkers like that? No massaging or change in your three square meals at all?

[How can she tell...? Has Denji just never paid attention to herself like that? Never measured herself, looking at herself in the mirror and watched the change happen? ...Probably not, all things considered. Aki slowly sips her beer, thinking - then nearly chokes on it when she speaks again.]

Huge -- Don't say that! [Ugh, talking about tits with Denji was the worst idea.] Don't say "huge milkers" to anyone! Or even think it! They're not even that big!

[Pointing to them, like Denji hasn't seen them before and is basing this off hearsay.] Just because you're too skinny to have anything... Look, I just wanted you to like what you wear for once! And not be stuck in that uniform all the time!

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