windfall | what i desire most, what i fear most

[ Denji's complaints over what "someone like him" is referring to exactly go mostly unheard beneath the torrent of conversation. In noticing nobody is paying attention to him, though, he sulkily pipes down, getting used to the pattern.

He doesn't like this weird topic. This night was supposed to be fun, but at every turn, he keeps getting reminded of — Reze. He's over her, he's pretty sure, probably. Kinda sorta. He has Makima, and he doesn't feel as crummy anymore whenever Aki brews his coffee, actually likes watching the fold in his brow as he concentrates on blooming up the coffee grounds when he pours into the dripper. But now he keeps thinking back to what she said to him before, about the country and the city. Are food and fun all you care about, she'd said to him. He hadn't understood the odd glaze to her expression, still doesn't, not really. Yet, for a moment earlier, he thinks Angel was wearing the same look.

Aki says something about needing a community, and Denji's not so sure about that. Sometimes all you need is just one person to go there with you. He thinks a little bit about how he'd been ready to go anywhere, maybe back to the countryside with her, at the end. He doesn't know why. What was he thinking back then? ]

So when you're finished with what you need to do, that's when you'll be ready to go?

[ Denji doesn't reach for a card to add to his hand. Neither does he reach for more food or for the dealer's cards, either. ]

By yourself? Or would ya take — [ His mind scrambles, tries filling the next blank in his sentence with us, then moves on to me, and that's when he hears his stomach sickly gurgling, so he blurts out, without thinking: ] Angel? Since he wants to go so bad.

Edited 2023-10-30 01:51 (UTC)

Angel?

[Aki looks at the devil with a surprised look. Obviously, it's something he's never once considered. Mostly because, well...] I couldn't take him somewhere like that. He works for Public Safety.

[Angel nods at this, then adds, "I hope I'm dead by then, anyway." As simply put as someone saying they'd prefer chocolate over vanilla. It's clear from his expression that Aki is both used to this and also hates it.]

...Either way, if I have time left after Gun is killed, I'll probably finish things here instead of moving back anywhere.

[What he doesn't say is If I survive or Should I manage to. The Gun Devil's death is a given to him, but his own future is more nebulous. Even with his right eye.]

So, you didn't like living in the countryside, then? Why not? [He doesn't really ask questions about where Denji was before Makima found him. Mostly because they come with depressing answers.]

[ Does working for Public Safety really matter that much…? Like, yeah, Angel isn't supposed to be here, but just look at him right now. He's holding a pair of cards for what might be the very first time… Moreover, Power is technically out roaming without supervision at this very moment, so the possibility of Angel affording more freedoms, despite his status as a devil, doesn't seem too outlandish a possibility to Denji. If their division continues to do good, beat up more bad guys for Makima, so on and so forth, it's only a matter of time until they impress the big-big wigs and reap the rewards they were promised.

…All this is to say that Aki's answer isn't the one he wants to hear. It isn't a clear-cut yes or no, but, he guesses, that's precisely the kind of response he's come to expect from Aki. It's an answer suiting the adult offering it. ]

Didn't say I disliked it, [ mumbles out Denji, staring at his spread cards, like he's pondering whether to collect another from the deck. Sure, he toiled. He went hungry. He was dealt a hand, and he paid the premium price in full with added interest. That's all. Still, it wasn't so bad. He met his end in the countryside, but he also met Pochita there. ]

It's just not as good as it is here. Like I said, it's quiet, so when someone's beatin' the living shit outta your door at night, it's even more annoying! And, uh, the mosquitoes kinda suck. [ Spoken like he doesn't share a bed with one nearly every night. ] But they go away in the winter, so… [ The rest of his words trickle off, halfheartedly. As if he doesn't really expect anyone to hold anything but a polite interest in his experiences. He keeps talking, though, as more things come to mind. ] Ah, that's another thing, the colder months suck! You can't live off the land anymore 'cause all the food outside dies, so you gotta actually buy stuff to eat.

[ Finally, Denji flips his cards over first, a twenty in his hand, then shows the faces of the dealer's, a sixteen. Suspiciously, he doesn't look very surprised by this count. ]

— Alright, who lost this time?

[Living off the land... Denji lived off the land? Was he growing his own food? Aki looks a little concerned by this (while also getting some of his questions about his diet answered accidentally - someone fine with eating scabs is probably used to eating what they can more than other people), but he's distracted before he can ask more about his gardening skills by him setting down the cards.]

[How the hell did he get a twenty?? Angel got a nineteen, and Aki only then realizes he wasn't really paying attention at all and got a twenty three. He drew because Angel drew - and Angel drew every time again. Aki groans and sets his beer down, looking at Denji targetedly.]

Are you cheating? Since when do you know how to play card games, anyway? You're too young to know how to gamble.

[Angel, accurately, mumbles something under his breath that Aki is trying to distract from his hand. Aki gives him a warning look that has no effect.]

I'm not cheating.

[ And yet the way his gaze averts tells a different story.

He learned lots of things from living on his own. While kids his age were taught life lessons within safe and contained environments like school, Denji couldn't be picky about where, or whom, he learned how to differentiate edible berries and plants from… Although, being the undiscerning idiot he is, he'd still sometimes accidentally poison himself, anyway.

But mainly, he learned tricks such as: ] Keeping a running count — it's not cheating, it's just, y'know. Math.

[ Math he's been doing inside his head ever since he split the deck apart and delegated the cards, subtracting and adding and deviating values together every time someone shows their hand, or does and doesn't retrieve a card. He's not a mathematics whiz or anything, no way in hell, but when you're around folks like those yakuza pricks growing up, it's hard not to pick up a thing or two. Plus, it's no different from balancing a checkbook! ]

What, you dunno how to count cards? It's not hard. You just gotta use your brain.

[He's counting cards...?! Since when does Denji know how to count cards?! He didn't even know you were supposed to wait three minutes until cup ramen was ready until he moved in here!!!]

You... That's definitely cheating. We're talking about stuff, how do you have the brain power to count cards at the same time?

[Not that Aki couldn't. But Denji is, well. You know. He's Denji. Since when can he multitask like that?]

I'm going to shuffle this time. [He reaches out to gather the cards from all the piles.] So you won't be able to cheat. Got it?

Ahhh, why're you pickin' on me?! Shows how much you know about me. I've got oodles and oodles of brain power!

[ … ]

That I use during emergencies only.

[ And to distract from the fact that playing cards isn't at all an emergency worth using his finite supply of intellect for, he tosses his cards up like confetti for Aki to have to pick up since he's so insistent on reshuffling. Have fun, jerkwad. ]

I won kinda fair and square! So someone has to tell a story!! My vote goes to Sore Loser-senpai, here.

[Denji displays his apparent "oodles" of brain power by throwing the cards in the air and Aki watches with a glare as they slowly flutter to the ground. He grabs them as Angel watches them both openly. He catches them arguing a lot but this is like a private show.]

No, because you cheated. The round is nullified. Counting cards is cheating. It's a two-to-one vote. Right?

[He looks to Angel, who shrugs. Better to give no answer in this situation, especially when he doesn't actually understand what they mean by counting cards.]

See, two-to-one. If you're so good at it, then you can win this time and I'll tell you a story. Got it?

[But he's totally not going to. Aki shuffles the cards a few more times than is really necessary and begins dealing them out before flipping over the dealer's card - a seven. Perfectly in the middle.]

You better start thinking of something to tell.

[ He isn't particularly shocked by this turn of events, but he still stares at Angel, jaw hanging slightly ajar the way it does when he's processing his options. After realizing that all roads lead to him losing this round, he chuffs a bout of air and sharply turns his face away, arms crossed. ]

Yeah, yeah, got it, whatever! Already got something in mind to tell ya, anyway: Suck my d —

[ Denji snatches card from the deck to add to his hand, stopping his tirade mid-sentence. He pauses, his mouth puckering oddly, like he's trying to cheese a smile when he really wants to curse everyone in the room. ]

Oh, ho, ho! Not bad. Not bad at all!

[ The overenthusiastic reaction is a bluff and an extremely obvious one, at that. His hand isn't particularly good, but he's trying to provoke Aki into hitting to forcibly incite a win.

And if that doesn't work, he's got a Plan B. Collusion.

Tilting himself closer to Angel, the movements of his lips obscured behind his cards, he whispers: ] I know I told you to play seriously, but Hayakawa's really pissin' me off. How 'bout you throw this round and I give you the rest of my chips?

[Like the same poles on a magnet, Angel slides away as Denji moves in close, his face scrunching in dissatisfaction. He gives his bid for Angel to throw, and though he doesn't mind the idea, he does visibly pause, turning to look at him steadily as Aki stares on, aware of what they're doing thanks to how small the room is and how impossible Denji is at keeping anything a secret. When Angel speaks up, it's in a neutral tone, not loud but not attempted to be quiet, either.]

I thought you were trying to cheer him up.

[Wasn't that the whole purpose of this night? Now he's mad at Aki Hayakawa and wants him to have to tell an embarrassing story? Knowing him, it'll be something depressing and what if that ends up making him emotional again?]

[...Well. He draws a card, as does Aki, unfazed by Denji's attempts at grandstanding to make his hand seem so good. Even if Angel throws, Aki has no intention of being the lowest or the highest right now.]

[ Denji's generally repulsed by men, so the way Angel kites back from him shouldn't get under his skin as much as it does… But he really doesn't get it. He regularly bathes and brushes his teeth! Like, yes, maybe he swims in devil guts more than the average half-person, but the same thing can be said about the vast majority of their squadron. He's as normal as they come, comparatively. Angel's the one that's weird.

Giving up the illusion of being sneaky, as well as trying to hide his thoughts from Aki, he leans back, rubbing at his jaw. ]

I can cheer him up and still win.

[ A simple statement from a simple boy. ]

I mean, you think that guy is so weak, he'll tear up over cards? [ …Denji passes his turn to consider this. ] Well, if he does, there's a reason why we bought tissues.

I'm not going to tear up over cards.

[He's so annoying. Aki gives them both harsh looks for the debate over his emotional well-being, as if he's really that bad off. He was keeping as quiet as he could tonight! Sue him for missing his former buddy! At least the lighting in the room is so warm so they don't have to see the heat in his face as he skips the next card, dealing one last one for the dealer and then flipping it over to reveal.]

[The dealer has a 20. Which is fine, because Aki got an 18. Angel sets his cards down in a pile and Aki reaches over to fan them out - 13. He didn't exactly throw, but he still didn't try at all. Aki looks to Denji next, expectantly. Did he go over, or did he place below him? Surely he went over, especially now that he can't count cards. He's definitely the type to take too many cards.]

[Angel complains that he doesn't want to tell another story, that he doesn't have any. Aki doesn't answer him, just waits with baited breath for Denji to lose.]

[ Denji would argue both their points — that Angel doesn't have any stories worth revealing, that Aki's nose won't running at any stretch of the game — if he weren't so crestfallen over the clean span of 22 spread in his hand. He almost doesn't want to reveal his cards for their circle to see, but feeling Aki's expectant stare boring into him…

Guuuhhh. He slaps them down. There. ]

Don't let it get to your head! I just didn't wanna hear ya go, 'Weeeh, boohoo, there was this one time I asked a lady out and she said my topknot looked stuuupid.'

[ Just as quickly as he'd turned over his cards, he starts to reach for them again to reshuffle, only for him to awkwardly still his hand, then pretend he was simply reaching over for a jelly cup, instead. Ugh, that's right, he's in hot water for not-cheating. Also, he's gotta tell a stupid story now. ]

One time, uh… [ Huh, this is hard. Well, there was the welcome party where Miss Himeno ruined his first kiss, but Aki was there for that and Angel will probably just call him gross again, despite what happened not being Denji's fault. …And what if Aki really cries at the mention of his dead pal? That'd be awkward.

After a moment of hemming and hawing: ] Okay, I got it. Um, don't tell Makima this, but…

The first time I went to the library, I tried to watch, y'know, dirty stuff. On the computers. What I found wasn't dirty stuff, though, but the full movie of this one horror flick!

[ Audition (1999). Illegally uploaded, of course. ]

It was pretty sick, so I watched that for a lil' while 'til I got to this gory part where this dude is getting his foot sawed off by this pretty lady in the movie, but, like, he kinda deserved it — anyway. That's when this hot librarian snuck up on me outta nowhere! Bun, glasses, the whole shebang. I was like, 'Hey.' And she went, 'What are you watching?' And I told her, but then she told me back that I couldn't watch stuff like that there, so I asked her where to watch actual porny stuff and then that's when she kicked me out.

[ He looks especially bummed out by this. He got escorted out by security and everything. Without much fuss, of course! He didn't wanna cause any trouble, obviously. ]

The embarrassing part is when I got home and realized that I just typed the one website I was lookin' for wrong!

[The sweet taste of victory is almost cut short by the story Denji tells. Not because it's about something so unamusing as to be boring (he kind of matches Angel with this story in terms of the content being worthy of named embarrassing), but because...]

You asked a librarian where to find pornography?

[Well. Angel summarized it. Aki gathers the cards while looking the most disgusted out of both of them, Angel just kind of looking amused that Denji seems most concerned about being kicked out of a public building rather than pirating movies or trying to look at dirty images on the internet.]

You're a real piece of work, you know that? [He sets the cards down without shuffling, as if their game is over. No, he's not trying to get out of losing another game and having to tell a story, himself. Not at all. Angel is looking at him and can see right through him on that, though, but if he doesn't look at him back then he doesn't. Trees in woods or whatever.] Now I'm glad I never looked into getting a computer.

Edited 2023-11-06 07:34 (UTC)

[ Denji cocks his head to the side, perplexed by Angel's question. ]

Yeah? I mean, librarians are s'posed to know a bunch of things like that! [ Has Angel even been to a library before? He knows he's old-old, older than even the oldest looking man Denji can think of (Kishibe), but how considerable his latitude was, to explore and chart out the world, prior to Makima finding him is a big question mark. Hmm. ] Uh, the next time I break you out, I can take ya there, I guess —

Hey!!!

[ He saw that! His eyes narrowed, Denji drops his jelly cup and smacks a hand against the bed, and in a flash, that same hand whips out an accusatory finger pointed Aki's way. The deck of cards drips over onto its side. ]

What're you doing? The game's not over yet! We've still got two more rounds. Didja forget how to count or something?

[Denji yells at him and Aki all but groans. Angel's halo actually buzzes a little at the sudden loud sound but he looks unfazed. Two more... Ugh. He was the one who said five games, wasn't he? Trust Denji to only remember the stupid stuff. Aki picks up the cards and grumbles as he shuffles them again.]

I get it, I get it. Two more. Don't yell or I'll take you door by door in the morning to apologize again.

[They already got one smack on the wall tonight. If there's another, he's definitely going to make him do the rounds again. He starts dealing a new hand.]

And stop saying you'll break him out. You can't break him out, he's a devil. I'm already going to have to deal with this in the morning - if you do it again, I'll make you take the responsibility next time.

[Angel catches it - that Aki intends to take responsibility for Angel's "breaking out" - and wonders if he knows that Makima knows he's here, how he got here. It's a 99.999% chance she knows. How could she not? But he's never seen her mice, he thinks. Either way, he doesn't speak up in defense or offense, neutrally drinking his water.]

[ Inaudible grumblings emanate from Denji at the tongue-lashing he receives, the only decipherable things being terms like Dude! and Bully…

Unsurprisingly, this isn't the first time he's bothered their neighbors, the most recent incident being the, uh, air fryer event. One of the housewives in the building complained to their superintendent about them days after, claiming that the smoke and ash blasted all the way down through to her vents somehow, and that no matter how much she aired out her family's apartment unit, the scent continued to cling to their walls. Since then, she's given him the stink eye every time they cross paths. He'd really rather avoid her. ]

Fine, yeah, alright… I won't break him out.

[ Glumly, he glances at Angel, who is unbothered, moisturized, and extremely in his lane as he delicately sips his water. As if to mirror him, Denji brings his jello cup to his mouth, tipping it slightly… But when it fails to unstick from the sides of the cup, he just messily shoves his tongue inside and gulps it all down. While trying to make sure he gets all the leftover juices out, he continues: ] This guy's pretty ungrateful, isn't he? Making us actually have to file paperwork and crap the next time we wanna cheer him up.

I don't know why you bothered.

[He says it bluntly, easily within hearing range of Aki, who doesn't react to it, simply draws another card. So does Angel.]

You know he's emotionally constipated, hard on you, and a stickler for rules. You knew all the things you did tonight were going to end with you right in this situation.

[Not exactly this entire situation of them playing cards in his bedroom with Angel wearing Power's socks and eating a large amount of baked sweets, but still. Aki rolls his eyes at the descriptive words he's been given but doesn't fight them directly, just grunts something about it being Denji's turn. Angel raises his eyes to look at Denji directly, heedless of whether he draws or not.]

So why bother?

[As if he didn't follow him every step of the way, complaining or lagging but still walking forward.]

[ His tongue sticks out as he blows a raspberry and shakes a thumbs-down at him. ]

Wrong, bird for brains.

[ There's no inflection in his reply, flat and possibly not really getting what Angel means all the way — gut instinct tells him he's essentially getting called out on something, but on what, he has no clue. Denji collects his card and, out of habit, nearly pads up the next card into his by its corner so that he can steal a look at the value, but remembers just in time to avert his eyes. An irritated click of his tongue — shoot, that guy said no cheating, didn't he? ]

I dunno whatcha think of me, but I'm pretty sure your idea's screwed up. First of all, I never know a damn thing about anything!

[ …Well, he has a vague notion, usually. He understands the probability of Aki shooting down whichever of Denji's ideas he considers garbage are high, but then he thinks about how he'd asked him to play his nut-kick game against that katana dumbass, how he'd laughed and grinned with him the widest he'd ever seen. The odds are slim, but they're never zero — and underlying most of Denji's actions is a poor gamble.

Secondly… ] Why do you think people play cards or dice or pachinko?

[Angel doesn't react to his first point, but Aki huffs like he's trying to cover up a snort. Angel's eyes are drawn to that noise, staring across at him and his attempts to pull himself from this conversation happening over his head, leaning his head back to finish his beer. Something that Chainsaw said must have resonated, but he can't understand why or how.]

For the small chance that they might win.

[He answers deadpan to his question, still not looking directly at him. If that's all it is, does this even count as a win? He's just going to be depressed again on a different day. What does it matter, in the long run? He watches as Aki sets down his beer and picks up the cards. Still willing to continue this with them.]

[...Is he jealous of this display?]

[No, he decides. He'd rather no one try and cheer him up.]

Just seems like a waste of time.

Edited 2023-11-12 20:35 (UTC)

That so…

[ Denji pulls a face — an expression that could easily be attributed to the card that's just joined his hand, or the fact that he doesn't agree with Angel. Winning isn't the only fun part of stuff like this. For example, Power loses all the time against him in Mario Kart, but she keeps playing because it makes her crow with joy whenever she successfully aims a blue shell at him. ]

Feels weird hearing that come from you. Thought you'd be into wastin' time and not doing anything important.

[ Like, maybe playing a card game isn't fun for him, but it's not work. Or walking, for that matter. ]

So let's hear it, then. What would ya rather do instead?

[Maybe if this was on work hours, Angel thinks to say, but decides not to. Not the point, either way. And Aki is looking at him now, waiting for his reply. Like he wants to do anything but sleep until the last sleep.]

[He can't say that, though, or he'll really kill the mood. People don't ever really ask what he wants to do, anyway. They'll ask what he wants or what he needs but not what he wants to do. How does he even answer that? Angel sighs and picks at his cards.]

It doesn't matter.

[He sets them down - a 20. Aki sits back, visibly shocked. The dealer only has an 18, but he has 17. He thought he'd be fine with that. Nervously, his eyes trail to Denji. Maybe he went over...?]

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1/3 on god denji

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