windfall | what i desire most, what i fear most

[Angel thinks that Denji looks too pleased with himself about this whole thing. Explaining all his moves, what he's doing and why... It's like he's the one holding the high card. But in this game, it sounds like those are dangerous. If you want to win, at least.]

'Kay. [He takes a card from the pile, turning it around before he realizes it can't be upside down based on the pattern. Funny how that works. Aki goes next, also drawing a card, though his expression doesn't reveal whether he's gotten something good or not. And regardless of Denji's move, Angel draws another without any pause, causing Aki to speak up - "You can't just draw without thinking, you need to be strategic about it."]

But I want to lose.

["If you lose, you have to tell an embarrassing story about yourself."]

I don't have anything like that, so if I lose, I get to not do anything.

[Aki stares at him, lips drawn thin. He doesn't draw a card, looking toward Denji for his turn, instead. Forget the annoying devil.]

Whaaat, that can't be true! You've gotta have something you can't yell off the balcony all willy-nilly! Have some fun with it.

[ Or at least tell them why he was asking that weird question earlier. It's still bothering Denji, just a little, and the expression on his face definitely says that he isn't above physically prying those lips of Angel's loose by force if he has to. ]

I mean, even Mister Straight-Laced here is playin' along. [ Briefly, he shifts his gaze toward Aki's current hand, studying the card for a moment. ] And being a buzzkill is his whole thing.

[ He hits again before overturning the face down dealer's card, then flipping two more from the deck. Revealed altogether, the dealer has a hand of 18. So does Denji, as it happens, which he smugly flips over in quick succession. Basically, he's safe this round. Now what about the other two? ]

[Something he can't yell off the balcony... Honestly, Angel is pretty open with most of his thoughts. The ones he doesn't convince himself out of, at least. It's the first time he's really thought about something he might be ashamed of, or something that would be embarrassing to admit. Very human emotions. Things he would gladly say that devils don't feel. But Denji seems so annoyed with him and even Aki Hayakawa looks at him like he should agree with that. Does he have anything shameful in his past, something he still feels bad about...?]

[Aki reveals his hand after Denji does, scoring a fifteen - below both Denji and the dealer, so he isn't winning anything, but when Angel reveals he has a thirty - three tens, somehow - Aki snaps, "How the hell do you score a thirty in blackjack?!" and Angel shrugs his shoulders. If he hadn't hit that third time, he would have won - but he doesn't even think about that, for once actually putting effort into something. Something he did that he feels bad about, and wouldn't otherwise share...]

[...Well. Given the company he's in, maybe he can share this story. He pushes the cards forward to give them back to Denji.]

Umm... Back when Makima found me, and she brought me here, we had to take a plane. [He was on an island, after all, though he doesn't bother explaining this.] And we stopped somewhere and had to get on a different plane, and right before that she brought me some food. So I was eating it, but there was more food on the table, so I grabbed some of that, too. But I guess that was what she got just for herself. And she didn't get mad at me, but I felt kind of bad about it when she told me.

[He didn't really feel ashamed or embarrassed, mostly confused. He thought sharing food was normal. Especially for humans. Though he couldn't say why he thought that.]

[He looks at Aki, who looks... vaguely annoyed (he got to travel with Miss Makima...??).] Does that work? [And Aki mutters that that's fine, adding he needs to actually try to win a round this time.]

[ It doesn't work, but Denji doesn't say so. Just muses: ] Miss Makima really is great, huh?

[ Surprisingly, he appears more thoughtful than envious, more curious than annoyed by how Angel's playing the game, how the story he supplies them doesn't quite fit what he had in mind. Maybe it has to do with how similar Angel's travels sound to his own: When Makima found him, she shared a meal with him, too. Held him, fed him, gave him the trench coat off her back. Being so caring and kindhearted, obviously, she wouldn't mind sharing food with another devil. So weird to think that he'd ever considered running away from someone like that. Someone shimmering with so much goodness inside and out, he's sure that if anyone cracked her open, the only thing that would bleed out is endless light.

Anyway, he'll give Angel a pass this time. He likes being reminded of Makima. Thinking about her always puts him in a better mood. ]

Man, I wanna ride a plane someday… [ Denji begins dealing them in again. The dealer's hand this time showing a nine of diamonds. ] Heard grub tastes better when you're all high up. Eh, but Enoshima only takes a train ride to get to from Tokyo, doesn't it…

[ Once the deck returns to the middle, he reaches over to pluck a bag of chips from the stack of snacks. ]

What kinda place were you at that you had to take an airplane?

An island.

[He doesn't expand upon that, because there's nothing to expand with. Angel doesn't remember much, if anything, about that place, aside from that he was there for long enough to start disliking humans enough to kill them. Even if it was so much warmer than the city, so much nicer. Even if he wants to go back there - but that doesn't really matter. It's not going to happen, so there's no use dreaming about it. For some reason it's very easy to put that whole place out of his mind.]

You're gonna go to Enoshima? [He looks at Aki for confirmation, since he assumes it's all his idea, being the mother and all.] I thought people said Aki Hayakawa doesn't take any vacations.

[Aki frowns, taking a card after looking at what he's been dealt, answering simply, "It was an idea Miss Makima came up with." Angel hums, long and drawn out, a sound that would be teasing or mocking if not for how flat the sound is and how neutral his expression remains.]

I heard it's a really busy place with a lot of people. Sounds like a nightmare. You should go relax in the countryside, instead.

Edited 2023-10-26 03:55 (UTC)

[ An island. This vague little shit… If the conversation weren't already being steered toward more familiar waters, Denji might have asked Angel if he remembers ever playing volleyball, building sand castles, or smashing watermelons. The last time he went to a beach, he got his neck, and a bit of his heart, snapped in two by a girl, so it'd be nice to know good things can happen there instead. Not just sucky stuff.

But, oh, well. After wiping a few crumbs against Aki's bed, he adds another card to his hand. ]

You wouldn't say that if you'd ever been out in those parts.

[ The countryside, he means. ]

I mean, I sorta get it. Less folks bothering ya, maybe, but tell me why even small stuff you wouldn't notice becomes way louder out there! Like mice runnin' around or the rumblin' of your stomach. [ Then again, maybe that sort of quiet isn't so different from whatever Angel experiences every night in his holding cell. ] …At least in the city, there are warmer baths, fresher food, and hotter chicks. [ He ticks his fingers as he lists the apparent perks of living in the city, then shoots a glance Aki's way. ] Back me up here, dude. Nothing beats those top three things. Nothing!

[If he's been out to those parts...? Angel's brows crease together in confusion. How is saying he lived in an island not unlike living in the countryside? It was far better than living in this hell of a city, by any stretch, and he feels even more assured of that as Denji lists his criteria for the city's benefits. Warm water, fresh food, hot chicks. He's pretty sure he had all of that where he was before Makima took him here. ...Maybe not the last part, he thinks belatedly. He thinks? He's not sure. None of the humans there ever really made an impact on him, after all.]

The city is more dangerous. Though I suppose someone like you wouldn't understand that.

[Denji who has nearly touched him directly twice tonight, after all, probably doesn't get why Angel would be concerned with living a quiet life, even if it meant not having as many amenities.]

[Aki deals a card for Angel, since he isn't picking anything and didn't even look at his hand. Sometimes he has to force him to move his feet a few steps and then he'll start going. As for Denji's summation of the benefits of the city versus the countryside...]

I grew up in the countryside and I had hot water and fresh food. [No comment on the women. He isn't interested in discussing "hot chicks" with Denji and Angel, of all people.] There are benefits to both, but you're never fully safe, no matter where you go. Cities have more opporunities for individuals, the countryside is better if you've built a community.

[He draws his own card and raises a brow. Reaches behind himself to find the little thing of cheesecake he's been waiting to eat. Whether he's eating it out of celebration for a good hand or comfort for a bad hand, he doesn't show.]

[Angel tilts his head to the side and asks, "So, since you've built a community, would you go back to the countryside?" Aki looks at him with a confused stare on what he means by community and Angel motions to the room around them. "With your little family, here."]

...No. [Are they a family just because they live together...? Either way, he doubts Denji and Power would enjoy country living, and even moreso - ] I still have things I need to do here.

[ Denji's complaints over what "someone like him" is referring to exactly go mostly unheard beneath the torrent of conversation. In noticing nobody is paying attention to him, though, he sulkily pipes down, getting used to the pattern.

He doesn't like this weird topic. This night was supposed to be fun, but at every turn, he keeps getting reminded of — Reze. He's over her, he's pretty sure, probably. Kinda sorta. He has Makima, and he doesn't feel as crummy anymore whenever Aki brews his coffee, actually likes watching the fold in his brow as he concentrates on blooming up the coffee grounds when he pours into the dripper. But now he keeps thinking back to what she said to him before, about the country and the city. Are food and fun all you care about, she'd said to him. He hadn't understood the odd glaze to her expression, still doesn't, not really. Yet, for a moment earlier, he thinks Angel was wearing the same look.

Aki says something about needing a community, and Denji's not so sure about that. Sometimes all you need is just one person to go there with you. He thinks a little bit about how he'd been ready to go anywhere, maybe back to the countryside with her, at the end. He doesn't know why. What was he thinking back then? ]

So when you're finished with what you need to do, that's when you'll be ready to go?

[ Denji doesn't reach for a card to add to his hand. Neither does he reach for more food or for the dealer's cards, either. ]

By yourself? Or would ya take — [ His mind scrambles, tries filling the next blank in his sentence with us, then moves on to me, and that's when he hears his stomach sickly gurgling, so he blurts out, without thinking: ] Angel? Since he wants to go so bad.

Edited 2023-10-30 01:51 (UTC)

Angel?

[Aki looks at the devil with a surprised look. Obviously, it's something he's never once considered. Mostly because, well...] I couldn't take him somewhere like that. He works for Public Safety.

[Angel nods at this, then adds, "I hope I'm dead by then, anyway." As simply put as someone saying they'd prefer chocolate over vanilla. It's clear from his expression that Aki is both used to this and also hates it.]

...Either way, if I have time left after Gun is killed, I'll probably finish things here instead of moving back anywhere.

[What he doesn't say is If I survive or Should I manage to. The Gun Devil's death is a given to him, but his own future is more nebulous. Even with his right eye.]

So, you didn't like living in the countryside, then? Why not? [He doesn't really ask questions about where Denji was before Makima found him. Mostly because they come with depressing answers.]

[ Does working for Public Safety really matter that much…? Like, yeah, Angel isn't supposed to be here, but just look at him right now. He's holding a pair of cards for what might be the very first time… Moreover, Power is technically out roaming without supervision at this very moment, so the possibility of Angel affording more freedoms, despite his status as a devil, doesn't seem too outlandish a possibility to Denji. If their division continues to do good, beat up more bad guys for Makima, so on and so forth, it's only a matter of time until they impress the big-big wigs and reap the rewards they were promised.

…All this is to say that Aki's answer isn't the one he wants to hear. It isn't a clear-cut yes or no, but, he guesses, that's precisely the kind of response he's come to expect from Aki. It's an answer suiting the adult offering it. ]

Didn't say I disliked it, [ mumbles out Denji, staring at his spread cards, like he's pondering whether to collect another from the deck. Sure, he toiled. He went hungry. He was dealt a hand, and he paid the premium price in full with added interest. That's all. Still, it wasn't so bad. He met his end in the countryside, but he also met Pochita there. ]

It's just not as good as it is here. Like I said, it's quiet, so when someone's beatin' the living shit outta your door at night, it's even more annoying! And, uh, the mosquitoes kinda suck. [ Spoken like he doesn't share a bed with one nearly every night. ] But they go away in the winter, so… [ The rest of his words trickle off, halfheartedly. As if he doesn't really expect anyone to hold anything but a polite interest in his experiences. He keeps talking, though, as more things come to mind. ] Ah, that's another thing, the colder months suck! You can't live off the land anymore 'cause all the food outside dies, so you gotta actually buy stuff to eat.

[ Finally, Denji flips his cards over first, a twenty in his hand, then shows the faces of the dealer's, a sixteen. Suspiciously, he doesn't look very surprised by this count. ]

— Alright, who lost this time?

[Living off the land... Denji lived off the land? Was he growing his own food? Aki looks a little concerned by this (while also getting some of his questions about his diet answered accidentally - someone fine with eating scabs is probably used to eating what they can more than other people), but he's distracted before he can ask more about his gardening skills by him setting down the cards.]

[How the hell did he get a twenty?? Angel got a nineteen, and Aki only then realizes he wasn't really paying attention at all and got a twenty three. He drew because Angel drew - and Angel drew every time again. Aki groans and sets his beer down, looking at Denji targetedly.]

Are you cheating? Since when do you know how to play card games, anyway? You're too young to know how to gamble.

[Angel, accurately, mumbles something under his breath that Aki is trying to distract from his hand. Aki gives him a warning look that has no effect.]

I'm not cheating.

[ And yet the way his gaze averts tells a different story.

He learned lots of things from living on his own. While kids his age were taught life lessons within safe and contained environments like school, Denji couldn't be picky about where, or whom, he learned how to differentiate edible berries and plants from… Although, being the undiscerning idiot he is, he'd still sometimes accidentally poison himself, anyway.

But mainly, he learned tricks such as: ] Keeping a running count — it's not cheating, it's just, y'know. Math.

[ Math he's been doing inside his head ever since he split the deck apart and delegated the cards, subtracting and adding and deviating values together every time someone shows their hand, or does and doesn't retrieve a card. He's not a mathematics whiz or anything, no way in hell, but when you're around folks like those yakuza pricks growing up, it's hard not to pick up a thing or two. Plus, it's no different from balancing a checkbook! ]

What, you dunno how to count cards? It's not hard. You just gotta use your brain.

[He's counting cards...?! Since when does Denji know how to count cards?! He didn't even know you were supposed to wait three minutes until cup ramen was ready until he moved in here!!!]

You... That's definitely cheating. We're talking about stuff, how do you have the brain power to count cards at the same time?

[Not that Aki couldn't. But Denji is, well. You know. He's Denji. Since when can he multitask like that?]

I'm going to shuffle this time. [He reaches out to gather the cards from all the piles.] So you won't be able to cheat. Got it?

Ahhh, why're you pickin' on me?! Shows how much you know about me. I've got oodles and oodles of brain power!

[ … ]

That I use during emergencies only.

[ And to distract from the fact that playing cards isn't at all an emergency worth using his finite supply of intellect for, he tosses his cards up like confetti for Aki to have to pick up since he's so insistent on reshuffling. Have fun, jerkwad. ]

I won kinda fair and square! So someone has to tell a story!! My vote goes to Sore Loser-senpai, here.

[Denji displays his apparent "oodles" of brain power by throwing the cards in the air and Aki watches with a glare as they slowly flutter to the ground. He grabs them as Angel watches them both openly. He catches them arguing a lot but this is like a private show.]

No, because you cheated. The round is nullified. Counting cards is cheating. It's a two-to-one vote. Right?

[He looks to Angel, who shrugs. Better to give no answer in this situation, especially when he doesn't actually understand what they mean by counting cards.]

See, two-to-one. If you're so good at it, then you can win this time and I'll tell you a story. Got it?

[But he's totally not going to. Aki shuffles the cards a few more times than is really necessary and begins dealing them out before flipping over the dealer's card - a seven. Perfectly in the middle.]

You better start thinking of something to tell.

[ He isn't particularly shocked by this turn of events, but he still stares at Angel, jaw hanging slightly ajar the way it does when he's processing his options. After realizing that all roads lead to him losing this round, he chuffs a bout of air and sharply turns his face away, arms crossed. ]

Yeah, yeah, got it, whatever! Already got something in mind to tell ya, anyway: Suck my d —

[ Denji snatches card from the deck to add to his hand, stopping his tirade mid-sentence. He pauses, his mouth puckering oddly, like he's trying to cheese a smile when he really wants to curse everyone in the room. ]

Oh, ho, ho! Not bad. Not bad at all!

[ The overenthusiastic reaction is a bluff and an extremely obvious one, at that. His hand isn't particularly good, but he's trying to provoke Aki into hitting to forcibly incite a win.

And if that doesn't work, he's got a Plan B. Collusion.

Tilting himself closer to Angel, the movements of his lips obscured behind his cards, he whispers: ] I know I told you to play seriously, but Hayakawa's really pissin' me off. How 'bout you throw this round and I give you the rest of my chips?

[Like the same poles on a magnet, Angel slides away as Denji moves in close, his face scrunching in dissatisfaction. He gives his bid for Angel to throw, and though he doesn't mind the idea, he does visibly pause, turning to look at him steadily as Aki stares on, aware of what they're doing thanks to how small the room is and how impossible Denji is at keeping anything a secret. When Angel speaks up, it's in a neutral tone, not loud but not attempted to be quiet, either.]

I thought you were trying to cheer him up.

[Wasn't that the whole purpose of this night? Now he's mad at Aki Hayakawa and wants him to have to tell an embarrassing story? Knowing him, it'll be something depressing and what if that ends up making him emotional again?]

[...Well. He draws a card, as does Aki, unfazed by Denji's attempts at grandstanding to make his hand seem so good. Even if Angel throws, Aki has no intention of being the lowest or the highest right now.]

[ Denji's generally repulsed by men, so the way Angel kites back from him shouldn't get under his skin as much as it does… But he really doesn't get it. He regularly bathes and brushes his teeth! Like, yes, maybe he swims in devil guts more than the average half-person, but the same thing can be said about the vast majority of their squadron. He's as normal as they come, comparatively. Angel's the one that's weird.

Giving up the illusion of being sneaky, as well as trying to hide his thoughts from Aki, he leans back, rubbing at his jaw. ]

I can cheer him up and still win.

[ A simple statement from a simple boy. ]

I mean, you think that guy is so weak, he'll tear up over cards? [ …Denji passes his turn to consider this. ] Well, if he does, there's a reason why we bought tissues.

I'm not going to tear up over cards.

[He's so annoying. Aki gives them both harsh looks for the debate over his emotional well-being, as if he's really that bad off. He was keeping as quiet as he could tonight! Sue him for missing his former buddy! At least the lighting in the room is so warm so they don't have to see the heat in his face as he skips the next card, dealing one last one for the dealer and then flipping it over to reveal.]

[The dealer has a 20. Which is fine, because Aki got an 18. Angel sets his cards down in a pile and Aki reaches over to fan them out - 13. He didn't exactly throw, but he still didn't try at all. Aki looks to Denji next, expectantly. Did he go over, or did he place below him? Surely he went over, especially now that he can't count cards. He's definitely the type to take too many cards.]

[Angel complains that he doesn't want to tell another story, that he doesn't have any. Aki doesn't answer him, just waits with baited breath for Denji to lose.]

[ Denji would argue both their points — that Angel doesn't have any stories worth revealing, that Aki's nose won't running at any stretch of the game — if he weren't so crestfallen over the clean span of 22 spread in his hand. He almost doesn't want to reveal his cards for their circle to see, but feeling Aki's expectant stare boring into him…

Guuuhhh. He slaps them down. There. ]

Don't let it get to your head! I just didn't wanna hear ya go, 'Weeeh, boohoo, there was this one time I asked a lady out and she said my topknot looked stuuupid.'

[ Just as quickly as he'd turned over his cards, he starts to reach for them again to reshuffle, only for him to awkwardly still his hand, then pretend he was simply reaching over for a jelly cup, instead. Ugh, that's right, he's in hot water for not-cheating. Also, he's gotta tell a stupid story now. ]

One time, uh… [ Huh, this is hard. Well, there was the welcome party where Miss Himeno ruined his first kiss, but Aki was there for that and Angel will probably just call him gross again, despite what happened not being Denji's fault. …And what if Aki really cries at the mention of his dead pal? That'd be awkward.

After a moment of hemming and hawing: ] Okay, I got it. Um, don't tell Makima this, but…

The first time I went to the library, I tried to watch, y'know, dirty stuff. On the computers. What I found wasn't dirty stuff, though, but the full movie of this one horror flick!

[ Audition (1999). Illegally uploaded, of course. ]

It was pretty sick, so I watched that for a lil' while 'til I got to this gory part where this dude is getting his foot sawed off by this pretty lady in the movie, but, like, he kinda deserved it — anyway. That's when this hot librarian snuck up on me outta nowhere! Bun, glasses, the whole shebang. I was like, 'Hey.' And she went, 'What are you watching?' And I told her, but then she told me back that I couldn't watch stuff like that there, so I asked her where to watch actual porny stuff and then that's when she kicked me out.

[ He looks especially bummed out by this. He got escorted out by security and everything. Without much fuss, of course! He didn't wanna cause any trouble, obviously. ]

The embarrassing part is when I got home and realized that I just typed the one website I was lookin' for wrong!

[The sweet taste of victory is almost cut short by the story Denji tells. Not because it's about something so unamusing as to be boring (he kind of matches Angel with this story in terms of the content being worthy of named embarrassing), but because...]

You asked a librarian where to find pornography?

[Well. Angel summarized it. Aki gathers the cards while looking the most disgusted out of both of them, Angel just kind of looking amused that Denji seems most concerned about being kicked out of a public building rather than pirating movies or trying to look at dirty images on the internet.]

You're a real piece of work, you know that? [He sets the cards down without shuffling, as if their game is over. No, he's not trying to get out of losing another game and having to tell a story, himself. Not at all. Angel is looking at him and can see right through him on that, though, but if he doesn't look at him back then he doesn't. Trees in woods or whatever.] Now I'm glad I never looked into getting a computer.

Edited 2023-11-06 07:34 (UTC)

[ Denji cocks his head to the side, perplexed by Angel's question. ]

Yeah? I mean, librarians are s'posed to know a bunch of things like that! [ Has Angel even been to a library before? He knows he's old-old, older than even the oldest looking man Denji can think of (Kishibe), but how considerable his latitude was, to explore and chart out the world, prior to Makima finding him is a big question mark. Hmm. ] Uh, the next time I break you out, I can take ya there, I guess —

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